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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let my 16mo old walk around sainsburys with me?

282 replies

Ozfrazror · 31/01/2013 13:17

Only needed 2 things and ds recently loves walking everywhere so thought he'd enjoy wandering about with me in the veg aisle. He was indeed overjoyed at getting freedom from the trolley, but by the horrified looks more than one person gave me you'd have thought I was giving him knives to carry around!

Even though he was at the top of the aisle while I was in the middle at one point, of course I had a constant eye on him. However one particular older lady just kept looking between him and me with an obvious disapproval. So WIBU?

OP posts:

DoctorAnge · 31/01/2013 14:55

There are better places to let your toddler " run free" than a supermarket.
YABU

amicissimma · 31/01/2013 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 31/01/2013 14:57

If you must do it (and I think YABU), then that's what reins are for. Half an isle away is far too far away for you to have any control and it's not for other shoppers to do it for you, or to deal with the fall-out when your DC is injured.

My DGC was a nightmare in our local shop, and refused to hold hands, and would try and bolt off if I was distracted.
Can't do it with reins on!

MrsKeithRichards · 31/01/2013 14:58

I agree amiciss you see threads like this all the time. I genuinely don't think people get the looks they say or think they get. get O think people do something they perceive as a little edgy or against the norm and assume people care.

mrsjay · 31/01/2013 14:58

I love the TLF they should all wear little dungarees and go running through the supermarket with their bibs waving

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2013 15:00

I let DD (2) run around the supermarket. She's on reins with me but she is running. A couple of reasons... She is very high energy so needs to be walking/running all the time. We go to the park beach and other places. Dance, soft play, garden, everywhere. She never stops. She eats well and is a tall, thin toddler. Unlike all the toddlers I see that never get out of a buggy or car. They go, buggy, car, buggy, trolley, buggy, car. It's a miracle their legs work.

I couldn't let DD get half an aisle away though. She would terrorise the villagers.

Pandemoniaa · 31/01/2013 15:01

I also wonder where all these looks come from and think there are a fearsome number of imagined slights going on. I know that most of the time when I'm out, I'm thinking about my own stuff. I'm not standoffish but equally, I'm not interested in fuming over other people's behaviour. In fact, if I was genuinely judgy over something then I suspect I would take particular care to look even more "away with the fairies" than normal.

Charmingbaker · 31/01/2013 15:13

Haven't read all the posts, but my 2yo has been walking round the supermarket since he was around 16 months. If he's in the right mood he loves it. I either point to the things we want or hand them to him and he puts them in the basket. He knows to stay beside me and never picks things up without my say so ( he points to things and if I say no he moves on). He queues up with me without any problems. If he's not on a cooperative mood he goes in the buggy ( tends to only be when he's tired). I don't let him out if it's really busy, i tend to go when it's quiet. The staff in my local supermarket (it's quite a small one) all know my DS and always chat to him.
I see it as him learning vital social skills, he can be very boisterous and strong willed but he does know how to behave when in shops and walking outside. It's important that children learn how to adapt their behaviour to different settings.

HyvaPaiva · 31/01/2013 15:18

I think he'd be better right next to you, holding your hand at all times.

OP, if your DS was hurt either a little or badly, for instance knocked over by a trolley/hit in the face with a basket/tripped over by an adult who didn't see him, would you put the 'responsibility' for that on the other shopper or you?

I hate always saying 'I'm disabled' but I am and so many times small children have ran/toddled right into me and it literally pushes me over. It's not their fault but I wish for my sake and theirs that the parents would keep a hold of them. You're letting him toddle into other people's paths and it isn't fair on him or them.

NaturalBaby · 31/01/2013 15:18

It hardly sounds like he was wandering in front of trolleys and mobility scooters. A toddler is a few meters away in a supermarket and so clearly the mother is going to let him run free down a busy road into on coming traffic . It's her 3rd dc, sounds like she's a fairly sensible mother to me.

YANBU, my toddler loves a bit of free rein toddling in the supermarket. When he shouts 'walk!' and runs in the opposite direction I make sure I rein him in.

FunnysInLaJardin · 31/01/2013 15:19

the attitudes on this thread are the exact reason why I was terrified of DS1 doing anything or making any noise which would inconvenience other people. I see parents of other first born children behaving in the same way. Trying to over control their child and nervously checking no one else is judging. Making apologies for the fact their children and behaving like children.

That is why with DS2 I adopted the don't give a shit what others think approach. provided I know my child is safe and I have assessed the risks I am not going to take any notice whatsoever of what other people think I should or shouldn't do. And neither should you OP!

Sirzy · 31/01/2013 15:22

It hardly sounds like he was wandering in front of trolleys and mobility scooters from the other end of an aisle she wasn't in any position to stop that happening.

mrsjay · 31/01/2013 15:27

so it is ok for a toddler to wander if you think that then fine just dont come on here saying some stupid old fool knocked over my baby , nobody actually said the toddler should be in the trolley or whatever they just said the baby was too far away and what if.... the world does not orbit around children

atthewelles · 31/01/2013 15:27

There's a happy medium Funny between over controlling your child and allowing them to annoy other people and get under their feet. The OP could have let her toddler walk around while still making sure he kept close to her and that people with trollies weren't at risk of banging into him and then feeling bad about it.

JacqueslePeacock · 31/01/2013 15:30

Oh my god, where do you all get these 16mos who stay by your side, ask before getting things off shelves and don't touch things in shops unless you say they can?! What am I doing wrong???

Iggly · 31/01/2013 15:31

YABU

Because he's your third DC you'll be more blasé, I'm willing to bet.

Keep him near you. My DCs love running about but I've only let ds walk around without holding my hand very recently - he's 3. And he doesn't run off, he's old enough to reason with. A 16 month old - no way!

Iggly · 31/01/2013 15:33

Trying to over control their child and nervously checking no one else is judging. Making apologies for the fact their children and behaving like child
This isn't about PFB vs not.

This is about a 16 month old - that's just entering toddlerhood.

In the same way I wouldn't let a 16 month old walk down the street without being in reins (hand holding isn't fair on them as too uncomfy), I wouldn't let mine walk around a supermarket without being right next to me.

Kalisi · 31/01/2013 15:33

Yabu to allow ds to get out of arms reach. He could easily have bolted into an oncoming trolley or pulled a load of stock on top of him. A Supermarket is not the place for toddlers to have free range.
I know that people are always going to be judgmental but the whole "fuck em they'll have to get over it" attitude is so ridiculous, especially if you can avoid inconveniencing everyone else by just getting some reins

Locketjuice · 31/01/2013 15:36

Jacque.... I want them to come and train mine see if he is willing to hold hands and walk nicely then

mrsjay · 31/01/2013 15:36

Oh my god, where do you all get these 16mos who stay by your side, ask before getting things off shelves and don't touch things in shops unless you say they can?! What am I doing wrong???

well of course you dont actually get toddlers who automatically stay by you and dont touch a thing that is what reins and hand holding and trolley seats are for

when dd1 got a bit older she would wander in front a little she once picked up a packet of bodyform and yelled MUMMY MUMMMMMMMMMMY HERE IS YOUR LADY NAPPIES

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2013 16:01

Hand-holding: screams, drops to the floor, over-dramatic screaming on floor, writhes around. Always.

In Trolley: Alternates between screaming and plaintive whimpering. Punctuated by trying to fling herself sideways or climb out. Always.

Reins: Complains but is tolerable.

Some people have more compliant children. Some people have leg-clingers, some have bolters. I wish people would realise that it is not always their amazing parenting that has made their child's behaviour so awesome. DD is incredible at some things (not my great parenting) and dreadful at others (not my fault).

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2013 16:01

Sorry, that wasn't directed at you mrsjay. I've realised it looked like it was...

thebody · 31/01/2013 16:08

Well I had 4 and I didn't get blaze over the safety of number 4.

Up to you op but I used reins, hand holding or trolly seat with fruit.

I usually go to the supermarket as a mission to grab and run and probably wouldn't see your toddler and would probably mow it down.

Also remember Jamie bulger?? Takes a second for a child to be snatched or injured.

Roam at the park.

atthewelles · 31/01/2013 16:10

I don't think anyone has said they are amazing parents on here MrsTerryPratchett just that letting a toddler run around the aisles of supermarkets is unsafe and unfair on other customers.
You seem to be arguing a separate issue.

FunnysInLaJardin · 31/01/2013 16:10

no Iggly it's not which is why I didn't use the term PFB. It's about parents with some experience knowing how to parent their own children and opposed to how I personally felt as a new mother.

FWIW I agree that if you are going to let your children walk in the supermarket it is absolutely your responsibility to keep them safe and if an accident does happen then you rethink your strategy. You shouldn't blame anyone but yourself if things don't go quite to plan. That includes choosing to take your child shopping when it is quiet. Obv charging around a busy supermarket is far from ideal.

From the tone of the OP's post nothing lead me to believe it was busy or that her child was in any kind of danger

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