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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my 16mo old walk around sainsburys with me?

282 replies

Ozfrazror · 31/01/2013 13:17

Only needed 2 things and ds recently loves walking everywhere so thought he'd enjoy wandering about with me in the veg aisle. He was indeed overjoyed at getting freedom from the trolley, but by the horrified looks more than one person gave me you'd have thought I was giving him knives to carry around!

Even though he was at the top of the aisle while I was in the middle at one point, of course I had a constant eye on him. However one particular older lady just kept looking between him and me with an obvious disapproval. So WIBU?

OP posts:
forevergreek · 03/02/2013 21:29

blondefriend - i wouldnt let my 3 year old wande rinto the next isles yet. i trust him but he could easily walk out the door if he fancied and would be directly on a main road. i also wouldnt trust other people not wandering off with him. i would say around 5 years? on average. he still walks next to me atm, even without my hand as has no idea he can wander off in a store

blondefriend · 03/02/2013 21:39

Sorry - I should have been clearer. My DS (2) is always within sight and no more than 2 meters away (not quite arms reach but in rugby-tackle reach). DD (4) is allowed to go to the next aisle in a supermarket she knows well (she will go to the bananas whilst I'm still with the apples). They occasionally push the boundaries but I see that as growing up and they get disciplined accordingly (back in trolley or in time out). Once I can trust one stage I go to the next. Although I probably wouldn't let my 16 month go to the end of the aisle in a crowded supermarket I would let them wander slightly (in sight) in an empty one as it helps them learn simple commands and boundaries. Safer here than on a busy road. The biggest thing I've found is to keep them busy - if they're bored they'll soon run off. If they're doing simple jobs then they stay close - even if I do end up with 15 packs of processed ham.

Goldenbear · 03/02/2013 21:39

When I had my first DC who is 6 in June, I used to be very anxious about the impact our presence was having on any given environment- tbh the anxiety was prohibitive as I was always worried about inconveniencing others. I used to regularly walk everywhere as I didn't have a car at the time and didn't want to annoy people with our presence on the bus or train. When I look back i'm quite saddened by that as I feel it limited my DS's early years. With DD (21 months) I didn't want to make the same mistakes as ultimately the anxiety was isolating. I've come to the conclusion that you cannot please all of the people all of the time. Given that that is the case, what is the point in fretting over what people think all of the time. Be civil- yes but apologetic for your presence- no!

ilovesooty · 03/02/2013 21:43

Maybe I'm lucky to have got this far without tutting, grumpy old ladies ramming their trolleys into my dc's because they are further than arms reach from me

What has age got to do with it?

blondefriend · 03/02/2013 21:46

I've come to the conclusion that you cannot please all of the people all of the time.

If there was one piece of advice I could go back and give myself it would be that. FFS every single parenting faux pas fits into that. If I fed my dd one bottle I was wrong but if I BF her in public it was just as bad. Wish I had just relaxed and stopped worrying about everyone else around me. I will be judged for parenting - we all will - but 99.9% of our children will grow up without being malnourished, kidnapped, serial killers etc. Unfortunately I'm addicted to these sites which doesn't help. ;)

PrettyKitty1986 · 03/02/2013 21:54

Letting your child have more freedom is a gradual process. I let my 5 year old go out of sight to the next aisle to get something. I let my nearly 3 year old go out of my immediate reach (maybe 1/3 of an aisle distance) to get something to help.
I wouldn't dream of letting a 16 month be at the end of an aisle when I'm still faffing with something half way up. Massive difference IMO.

manicbmc · 03/02/2013 22:00

I have no problem with people shopping in a sensible way, teaching their kids sensible things. I think 16months is too young to understand about not running off and knowing to keep out of the way of trolleys.

The ones I get narky about are tearing up and down supermarket aisles and their parents do not care. They ride about on scooters and this is all perfectly fine in their parents eyes.

I don't tut and I'm not grumpy. Plus I'm not that old really. All I ask is a little common sense, especially when it is busy.

MythosLivetheDream · 03/02/2013 22:02

I have a 17 month old and can imagine the mayhem she'd cause in the supermarket. YABU.
Now I'm going to worry about knocking a toddler unconscious while trying to get the shopping done asap...

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 03/02/2013 22:06

It is not safe for a small toddler to be walking around a supermarket like that. I don't think it's great for them to be holding your hand, they are far better off up in a trolley. People are paying attention to the shelves and thinking about what they need - they often enough stuff in their trolley not to be able to see someone that small or swinging a basket about - your child is one distracted thought away from a nasty accident.

But do as you please, you don't seem to think YABU.

NaturalBaby · 04/02/2013 09:44

The OP's point was about one particular old lady... there's no need to take everything so personally if you're not a grumpy old lady.

manicbmc · 04/02/2013 09:48

You've insinuated that the lady was grumpy. Just because she gave apparently disapproving looks does not make her grumpy.

OP also states that a number of people gave her these looks, which might imply that quite a few people thought she was being unreasonable to let her 16 month old go quite so far from her.

NaturalBaby · 04/02/2013 13:42

or might imply that quite a few people think that it is far more dangerous to toddle in a supermarket than it actually is.

Grumpy is obviously an offensive word to some of you, I'll refrain from using it if it causes so much upset.

We are not the parents who let their dc's ride scooters or race up and down the aisles, we intervene when our toddlers get in the way or try to pull something over, while expecting other shoppers to tolerate our dc's because they are so darn cute.

If you have such big issues with wayward kids in the supermarket then take it up with the kids or negligent parents.

atthewelles · 04/02/2013 13:57

No one is saying toddlers shouldn't be allowed walk around supermarkets natural they are saying they shouldn't be allowed wander half way down the aisle on their own given that, in a supermarket, people are pushing trollies full of groceries - which can be hard enough to steer at the best of times, never mind having to keep an eye out for stray toddlers darting around.

It's simple common sense. However, despite the fact that the vast majority of posters on here have said they find it annoying, inconvenient and dangerous to have toddlers roaming around several yards away from their parent you and a couple of others are still insisting it is okay to do it and everyone else is just 'grumpy'.
Ever heard that expression 'everyone's out of step except me'?

NaturalBaby · 04/02/2013 14:19

No one is saying that toddlers should be expected to have free rein of the supermarket either, if we want them to run around exploring then we'd rather take them to the park/soft play/toddler group.

It is inconvenient and annoying - when was the last time you tried to do a food shop with a toddler?! I let my toddler walk because I intervene when necessary, and guess what, I use my common sense. As I said above, I've never allowed any of my dc's to cause so much havoc in a supermarket that they've had a collision with a trolley or any other shoppers. I'm insisting it's o.k to do because I am not one of the parents who ignores my dc's screaming and running up and down the aisles getting in everyone's way. There is a middle ground which applies to most parents.

Enough with the grumpy word, I've already addressed that.

atthewelles · 04/02/2013 14:34

I think its up to other people to decide if you've addressed it Natural, rather than commanding people to agree that you have.

NaturalBaby · 04/02/2013 14:54

I'm not commanding anyone to do anything, let alone how to parent their own children.

atthewelles · 04/02/2013 15:31

No one's commanding people how to parent their children. They are explaining to the OP why she was getting annoyed looks from other shoppers, because she asked AIBU. People are perfectly entitled to express their views on children's behaviour if that behaviour impacts on them.

fluffyraggies · 04/02/2013 15:52

When trying to decide if something is, on the whole, a reasonable thing for me to do, or to allow my kids to do, or not - i tend to remember something my dad used to say:

Imagine if everyone did it.

It's a simple thing, but he was right really and it's a pretty good rule of thumb.

Yes, one toddler toddling around miles away from their parents is livable with on the average shopping trip. But that's only because it is just that one. The parents of that one are enjoying the luxury of everyone else having the social awareness to keep their very young children close by or in the trolly, knowing that otherwise it would be chaos!

Goldenbear · 04/02/2013 16:59

Ever heard that expression, 'tolerance only for those who agree with you is no tolerance at all.'

manicbmc · 04/02/2013 17:02

Natural, I haven't implied that I think you lack in common sense. I actually think what you're saying is fine in the most part.

But I think the OP was unreasonable to let a child that age be that far away from her.

atthewelles · 04/02/2013 17:05

No I haven't Goldenbear. Did you just make that up? And by the way, it is the greater majority of posters who find toddlers running around the aisles of supermarkets annoying. Can you not just accept that, instead of stubbornly insisting that you're right and the majority are wrong?

Noodled · 04/02/2013 17:07

Am now left wondering whether the time my toddler lay on his belly whilst clinging to the front of the trolley as I swept (literally) along was better or worse. He wasn't in the way and polished the floor nicely but did attract the off glance.

manicbmc · 04/02/2013 17:09

That would have made me laugh, Noodled. Grin

Goldenbear · 04/02/2013 17:30

Atthewellies, I never, ever said that toddlers should run around supermarkets- please provide a quote to back this up? You keep asserting that everyone is in agreement with you, are they? I think you'll find a sizeable minority are not and if that's the case you'll have to accept some people think differently to you I'm afraid!

No I didn't make the quote up. It is a very fitting quote for those bursting at the seams with indignation on this thread- ring any bells?

NotSoNervous · 04/02/2013 17:32

I'm split, YANBU to let him walk around the shop with you but I think YABU to let him be that far away from you so other people would have to keep watch of him while there pushing their trollys and make sure he doesn't walk in front of them