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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my 16mo old walk around sainsburys with me?

282 replies

Ozfrazror · 31/01/2013 13:17

Only needed 2 things and ds recently loves walking everywhere so thought he'd enjoy wandering about with me in the veg aisle. He was indeed overjoyed at getting freedom from the trolley, but by the horrified looks more than one person gave me you'd have thought I was giving him knives to carry around!

Even though he was at the top of the aisle while I was in the middle at one point, of course I had a constant eye on him. However one particular older lady just kept looking between him and me with an obvious disapproval. So WIBU?

OP posts:
FairyHanny · 31/01/2013 23:19

Oh God, OP's one of those people who lets their kids wander all over the place in the supermarket/on the pavement/anywhere really and not give a fuck whose way their delightful offspring get in or what havoc they're wreaking and woe betide whoever does not share this opinion of their child and marvel at their 'independence'. It's lazy parenting.

Hold your kids hand OP, control your child and keep them the fuck out of my way.

HTH

Benbunny · 01/02/2013 00:09

My thoughts on this question is treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. I understand that some may think a toddler is cute running about and exploring life -which it is.

On the other hand I can see the other side.

People will worry the child is lost and look around for the parent (which is when they will directly at you),

The next most important thing is we do not know what has happened in someone's life. They may have been told someone they love has a terminal illness, or just lost someone they care about. Just because they are supermarket shopping that doesn't mean life is lovely.

What I really would like to say is simply life is not always lovely, be tolerant. You don't know what others are going through.

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 10:42

BUT hey guess what people?we both made it home unscathed and no unsuspecting trolley pushers took the side off a head/mangled a leg or squashed a toddler today so I must have been more careful and observant than a lot of you have decided to give me credit for! [Quote]

Or you were just bloody lucky. Or other shoppers had to keep an extra careful eye on him and were wondering why his stupid mother was up the other end of the aisle and leaving it to random strangers to watch out for her kids.

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 10:45

YANBU- people should look where they're going and then they wouldn't push their trolleys into small people. How about if the small person was a very small adult, [quote]

A small adult is still an adult and will have the sense and instinct to move out of the way of trollies, mobility scooters etc. A toddler will not. That is the difference.

recall · 01/02/2013 10:47

Fairyhanny So you expect people to strap their kids down for your convenience, keep the fuck out of our way ! Lazy parenting is strapping them in gadgets and wheeling them about because its easier, and then wondering why they go mad when they are allowed to walk freely. Its not all about YOU !! The toddler has as much right as you do to walk about, just because they don't do it in a straight line does not make them a second rate person. You were once a toddler ( unless you hatched fully formed, scales and all )

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 10:49

I have to laugh when posters start making direct comparisons between an adult and a child and talking about 'rights'.

recall · 01/02/2013 11:20

I have to laugh when posters start expecting children to be seen and not heard

recall · 01/02/2013 11:23

How will a child gain the instinct to move out of the way of trollies mobility scooters etc if they aren't allowed near them ?

Sirzy · 01/02/2013 11:34

Same way as they learn anything else, but being taught and shown, a child who is an aisle away from their parent isn't being shown how to behave.

Are some people seriously missing that the vast majority of people have said children walking is fine, children wandering off not fine.

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 11:38

No one is saying children should be seen and not heard; just that you use a bit of common sense and consideration when it comes to how much freedom you give them. A 16 month old toddler has absolutely no understanding of danger and no concept of anything beyond his own needsr and it is therefore both unsafe and unfair on other cutomers to allow them to wander around a supermarket with a parent not very close by.

BubaMarra · 01/02/2013 11:47

So at what age is it socially acceptable to let children walk on their own two feet? Where would be the line?

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 11:49

Where did anyone say a child couldn't walk on their own two feet?

JacqueslePeacock · 01/02/2013 12:32

NapaCab thank goodness someone else has a 16mo like mine. I was beginning to feel I must have done something terribly wrong.

Goldenbear · 01/02/2013 13:26

A small adult could easily be mowed down by a trolley if the trolley pusher expects to be able to push their trolley around without thought for anyone in their way. If you're pushing a trolley, the onus is on you to look where you're going, if you can't do that then I would suggest you use a basket. It is entitled and selfish to think that life is about convenience for you and compromise for others- including toddlers!!

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 13:29

A small adult will not just stand in the way of a trolley coming towards them or wander out in front of it regardless. In the same way that if I see a staff member pushing one of those large cage things I know to step out of their way or walk around them. A toddler will not do any of those things.

It is selfish and entitled to say 'my toddler has a 'right' to wander where he likes and its up to everyone else to keep out of his way if they can't see him over their shopping trolley'.

Goldenbear · 01/02/2013 13:30

Oh and I agree with whoever said that it is lazy parenting to strap them into something all of the time. It is hardwork socialising a child and teaching them accepted norms in how to behave in public. It is usually lazy parents you see with older children in buggies that can't be bothered to go through this process with them. Although I'm not suggesting older children shouldn't use buggies but I hate to see a 3/4 year old desperate to get out of a buggy and walk but the parent is too lazy to deal with that situation.

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 13:30

And no one said trolley pushers shouldn't look where they're going. We are saying they don't have x-ray vision and a tiny child will not always be visible to them no matter how careful they are.

MarianneM · 01/02/2013 13:34

Ooh, I bet the shoppers at Sainsbury's LOVED me and my DDs the other day when I took them there for a fairly comprehensive shop and DD2 (aged 2.5) climbed out of her buggy repeatedly (although she was strapped in - she just wriggled out of the "harness") and RAN away without looking back. At least twice I caught her by the exit doors and once she was climbing a set of stairs.

While I sprinted after her I had to leave DD1 (aged 4) on her own with the buggy and the shopping and ask her to wait there until I come back.

This went on for a good while.

Took the girls to the shop to give my stay-at-home husband a break from them.

I think people should be a bit more tolerant.

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 13:37

What has that got to do with the OPs question Marianne. We're not talking about high spirted toddlers who escape from their buggy. We're talking about someone deliberately letting her toddler wander away and get under other shoppers' feet. You seem to be looking for criticism where it wasn't given.

Goldenbear · 01/02/2013 13:38

I don't think a toddler should wander around the shops on their own- that's just plain irresponsible, goodness knows what carnage she'd cause but this is not what the Op is talking about. I let my 2 DC pull a trolley basket thing around our 'Sainsburys Local', my DD is 21 months and she holds it with her brother who is 5. She is fine with that but that's only because we had to do it a couple of times before she got the rules, rules of shopping that is.

My point about small adults is how about if they don't see you coming, is it acceptable to plough into them because they should have moved out of your way- how ridiculous!

MarianneM · 01/02/2013 13:39

Oh dear, I get the message.

Have a nice day atthewelles

Sirzy · 01/02/2013 13:41

Although I'm not suggesting older children shouldn't use buggies but I hate to see a 3/4 year old desperate to get out of a buggy and walk but the parent is too lazy to deal with that situation.

You may hate to see it, but please don't judge and certainly don't assume its down to lazy parenting. My son would love to walk everywhere but as he is asthmatic when he is ill that sometimes isn't possible so he goes in his pram.

atthewelles · 01/02/2013 13:42

Goldenbear, you seem to be putting words into people's mouths. No one said it's acceptable to plough into small adults. Some of us said its unlikely to happen because small adults still have common sense and quick reactions and will usually step out of the way of a trolley in the same way that average size adults like me will step out of the way of a moving object if I can see its likely to hit me.

You have a nice day too MarianneM.

Goldenbear · 01/02/2013 13:46

My response was to the person who was suggesting it was lazy to let them walk around everyday places.

coraltoes · 01/02/2013 13:48

If I see another kid on a scooter in waitrose I will force it to eat liver until the parents cry for mercy. Same goes for toddling kids who are not being kept close by. Liver will teach them.