To not let my DS learn to dive.

[Sandy11]

My DS is 16 and wants to lean to dive. He says he has found a club for beginners of his age and really wants to learn. He is quite shy and has not had many hobbies. The only problem is that the lessons would last from 4 - 6 pm on a Sunday. The centre is miles away in the city and I am not prepared to drive so he would have to go on the train. I am worried that something bad would happen to him he is 16 but I don't think as a parent I should let him travel far about an hours journey on the train at them times. It would not affect his school work but you don't know who lurks about today. He is really shy and feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either. Am I being unreasonable stopping him?

You're being a numpty OP. Is your time so precious that you won't let your son potentially enjoy himself? If I was your son id tell you I was doing it and that's that.

You're not presenting yourself well at all, it's all 'me me me'. Do you have other children?

I feel a bit sad for your son. All around him will be kids who have had their parents' support with activities for years... from what you've said, this sounds like it's the first thing he's asked for your support with.

At the moment all teens his age seem to want to do it even my friend's DD wants to but she lives even further away from Birmingham than me. As soon as it loses popularity all this fad will stop.

Let him take the train there and pick him up once the session has finished. Happy medium

He is skinny - diving will build muscle tone, problem solved

Erm... what were the other (daft) objections?

Oh yes, a fad, mmm, well, dd tried ballet, gymnastics and diving before settling on horseriding and athletics as her big loves.

Ds tried football, rugby, drumming, golf and archery before settling on underwater hockey and drama as his hobbies.

If they never try anything because it may be a 'fad' how will they find what they like???

Yes all together I have 3 children. And DofE = Duke of Edinburgh

DIVE! Not drive haha

At the moment all teens his age seem to want to do it even my friend's DD wants to but she lives even further away from Birmingham than me. As soon as it loses popularity all this fad will stop

So?

You sound quite, quite bonkers OP.

Has he ever done any activities before?

Duke of Edinburgh award which lots of 16year olds do. Part of it is taking up a new sport which op seems to think is too late on life.
When if it is a fad for a few weeks its a cheap fad as there is no new equipment equipment needed

How is learning to be independent and look after yourself a fad?

Remember- those dodgy people you worry about will still be around in two years' time. But then he will not just be encountering them in busy city centres in the late afternoon with plenty of people around, but in bars and at parties and down lonely streets at 2 o'clock in the morning. His life may well depend on the self reliance and independent judgment he acquires now.

Let's just repeat this once more: Your Son Is Nearly An Adult. Very shortly, you will not have any say in what he does or where he goes. If he is to be safe, he needs to start practising.

It might be a fad but does that matter? Surely it is more important that he gets the chance to make that decision for himself and, as part of making that decision, he also gets the sensible level of independence you'd expect for a 16 year old. You really shouldn't try to control him over this. Also, is it that far from the outskirts of Birmingham to the City Centre? Only you give the impression that the travel involved is on a par with trekking the Kalahari.

YABU

My DB was regularly getting a bus (1 hours journey) into the centre of Birmingham, clubbing until god knows what time, then drunkenly getting the bus back again at 2, 3, 4am...

The only thing "bad" that happened to him was falling asleep, waking in a panic and getting off the bus...30 minutes walk too early

I once went with him when he was 18 (and I was 16) and was that he used to get pissed, stagger back to the bus stop, fall asleep on the ground until someone kindly poked him when the bus arrived.

So, several years of that and he never once got mugged/attacked/raped.

He needs to learn some independance and learn how to look after himself.

Well I'm going to take offence on behalf of Birmingham!
It's not that dodgy! Loads of people about at that time on a Sunday evening, and it's not like it's even dark.
My ds was getting the train in and out on a Friday evening (coming home around 9.30) when he was 14. 16 sounds quite late to be starting to make your first journeys without your Mum.
Does it really matter if he's "good at" something ? - Surely if it's something he is enjoying, then that should be fine.

I feel sorry for your son tbh, and really hope this isn't real.

So your DS doesn't go, the fad comes and goes, and he loses the chance to gain a bit of confidence and self-esteem.

He also resents you (possibly for years) for not letting him do it.

How is that a good outcome?

Do you crush your other children's ambitions then or just the 16 year olds?

In a few years there will be a

my mil is so overbearing, she tries to control everything. My dh has no confidence because he was never allowed to do anything, mil even stopped him taking up a sport he was really keen to do. She put one obstacle after another in front of him. He's still is so gutted about that bla bla bla

post.

We spend a bloody fortune on something ds really isn't terribly good at, because he enjoys it.

Or is that not allowed either, OP?

Oh and he knows he's not terribly good at it. I'm just pleased he keeps at it instead of dropping out like some of the quick-win seeking kids who give up as soon as they realise they're not always going to win.

"I could understand driving all that way if he was younger and good at it but starting diving at 16 just for a hobby seems to far. I mean he said it could lead to competitions if he is any good but it just seems to be a complete fad. "
Op, YABU. I think you are not only overprotective but very odd.
So what if he gives it up.
A large % of the population do things for fun, not because its going to lead to an olympic medal.
Plus many many Mn'ers kids have tried karate/piano/recorder/etc etc and then given up.
So what.
You want him never to try?
You are mad. As a march hare.

A bit late to the thread, but what is your issue OP, the fact he wants to dive or that it's far away and you don't want him out alone? Seems the latter to me, and if so, yabvu. Stop smothering him. You will regret it later in life.