To not let my DS learn to dive.

[Sandy11]

My DS is 16 and wants to lean to dive. He says he has found a club for beginners of his age and really wants to learn. He is quite shy and has not had many hobbies. The only problem is that the lessons would last from 4 - 6 pm on a Sunday. The centre is miles away in the city and I am not prepared to drive so he would have to go on the train. I am worried that something bad would happen to him he is 16 but I don't think as a parent I should let him travel far about an hours journey on the train at them times. It would not affect his school work but you don't know who lurks about today. He is really shy and feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either. Am I being unreasonable stopping him?

Gawd, I hate parents who think you should only do something if its useful in the future, no, you should do something because you enjoy it, and, every skill is useful in the future anyway.

Your reasonings are so mind boggling ridiculous its unreal.

"I could understand driving all that way if he was younger and good at it but starting diving at 16 just for a hobby seems too far. I mean he said it could lead to competitions if he is any good but it just seems to be a complete fad."
Let me suggest how this may come across to your 16 year old son, Sandy11.

'You're too old to take up a sport and expect to be any good at it, and hobbies should involve minimal effort because hey, it's just something you do to make the time pass quicker, really not important to me. And it's not like you're going to stay interested in this, is it? Either way, I don't care enough about you to drive you there, and I don't care enough about what you want to let you go yourself on the train, because IMO you are incapable of the train journey, you weedy skinny nothing.'

HE IS SIXTEEN. HE HAS HAD THE GET UP AND GO TO FIND THIS COURSE AND HE WANTS TO DO IT. IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET OFF YOUR INDIFFERENT BEHIND AND DRIVE HIM THERE THEN GET OUT OF HIS WAY, HE HAS A TRAIN TO CATCH.

And breathe.

I always love him and support him WhereYouLeftIt ! But it is just I don't trust people out there especially since he will be on his own in a city.

YABU as he is old enough to travel on his own and it is not late at night. Something could happen to him just round the corner from home. It all depends though on what public transport is like on a sunday evening. What would happen if he missed his train? Is there much of a wait for the next one? Maybe the first time you could do the journey with him.

Sandy11 Mon 28-Jan-13 17:52:35
"I always love him and support him WhereYouLeftIt ! But it is just I don't trust people out there especially since he will be on his own in a city."

So what will happen in two years time when he is officially an adult and has to go out into the big bad world either to attend university or earn a living?!!!

I have read this thread with increasing desperation, as the OP just keeps coming up with worse and worse excuses.

OP, I was the youngest girl in my family and most over protected by FAR among my friends, in fact my parents were a standing joke with my group of friends. But even I had a 9pm curfew on weekends, in the days before mobiles, at age 16. What were the results of my parents over protectiveness?

1. I resented them, mocked them and felt hostile towards them.
2. I became an excellent liar. I got out of the habit of telling my parents what I was really doing, keeping things back. This teenage habit has continued into adulthood, I still don't talk much to them about the vital issues in my life, it's can be quite a shallow, though loving and well meant, relationship. It's almost as though I've become over protective TO them, as if they "couldn't handle the truth"
3. When I went away to Uni aged 18, I couldn't handle it at first. Came home after freshers week sobbing, feeling like the complete country bumpkin with no social skills or street savvy, which is exactly what I was. I was lucky to have an excellent room mate who helped me a lot, but I could have had a much better first year than I did. I wasn't ready, they didn't help me prepare.

And yes, if you can't try something out simply for the "giving it a go" value, for fun, just to see if you like it, at age sixteen when can you????? At least he wants to do something healthy, sporty, and fun. He's not wanting to try group sex or mainlining H. And yes, he's 16, could be married, having a job, Christ even technically a father himself!!

OP the entire thread is saying YABU. Wake up and smell the coffee, mama.

At the moment all teens his age seem to want to do it even my friend's DD wants to but she lives even further away from Birmingham than me. As soon as it loses popularity all this fad will stop.

Lift share... problem solved!

Not sure that is the problem solved, shockers: it leaves the far greater problem of how this poor lad is going to get some independent and some opportunity of developing his own judgment before society expects him to cope as an adult.

"it is just I don't trust people out there especially since he will be on his own in a city."

Is this the real problem OP?

You really need to recognise that you have a problem with this, which you are inflicting on your son.

You can't keep him out of cities forever. Some of us (god forbid!) grew up in cities!

This is a great opportunity for both of you to get used to him having a little independence, you as well as him need the practice!

Very shortly, he will have the vote, and this is a lad you don't even expect to know if he wants to go swimming or play tennis. Do you let him choose between pink and white icecream, OP?

You may well do Sandy11, but can you see how he will perceive your objections? Which frankly, are a bit ridiculous.

So what if it's a fad? That's what your teenaged years are for, trying stuff out to see if you like it. So what if he doesn't commit to it? Who said that was compulsory? TBH, I just can't take those objections seriously, because I think it all boils down to you wanting to keep him as a dependent child and not an adolescent growing in to his independence. Yes it is a bit scary watching them become adults, but it's going to happen so help him, don't hinder him.

Either drive him, or let him spend his own money on train fares (preferably the latter).

You said in your OP "He is quite shy and has not had many hobbies." All the more reason to support his desire to try diving/getting the train/becoming independent.

Oh dear you sound like a nutter OP

Let him go.

Or suffocate him more and he'll leave for good or be too scared to live.

What do you want FOR your son (not for yourself).

I used to do synchronised swimming, I was shit at it, it didn't lead onto anything but I loved every single second of it and therefore it was a worth life experience.

I actually want to shake you OP. Sorry.

He's 16. How exactly are you going to stop him?

did you watch any of the olympics sandy? inparticular teh female rowers. It may have escaped your attention but 2 of them (at least) took up rowing less than 4 years ago and they managed to medal in the olympic games (I cant remember what medals they got, but I have a feeling it was gold)

So what if he's 16, if he wants to go and can afford it I say good luck to him. If he chooses to do this anyway (because legally you actually cant really stop him!) in 4 years time he could be stood on the olympic podum thinking my mum didnt support me in this.
Or in a years time when he does his first diving comp and comes last after 1 stupid mistake he could think whats the point my mum doesnt support me and you will have distroyed the little bit of confidence he has and lead him to drop the only hobby to have bought him confidence independance and joy.

Now I realise these situations are largely hypothetical, however, either way he will hear 'my mum doesnt support me' and that is what will ring in his ears whatever the out come.

It's better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.

Your excuses op are getting weaker and weaker. Your lad wants to get out and start living his life, you, are stopping him.

So what if its a fad. At least he'll be getting out there and living his life, doing something that HE wants to do. Stop putting up barriers and let him have his wings.

Btw, you say he's skinny? Maybe diving will put a bit of meat on his bones. Have you seen those divers? They're ripped. It's not just about jumping off boards you know, there is a lot of other training involved too ie gym. Would you rather he get out and exercising or sat in your home playing Xbox?

Is he shy because he finds it hard to she'd himself of the cotton wool!

And, I have lived in both Stoke and Birmingham.

He's safer in Brum

OMG it's 4-6pm not fucking 4-6am and on a Sunday so fairly quiet. Jesus stop with the cotton wool and allow the boy to go for it. he maybe the next big thing in diving. And if it's a fad then it won't last long especially in the cold dark months.

But no you have all the answers OP and won't be told otherwise why the hell did you even post? Yet again another IABU ...yes you are...NO I AM NOT!

OP, give him til he's 17 tells you to Fuck off and enlists in the army. They'll be stuff all you can do to stop him. Or just let him be the man he really is.

He's not 16 months.

I think your son should just walk out the door and go to diving OP. and probably not come back.

You are crushing his self esteem, confidence and ability to be an independent adult.

The only danger to him is you. Get some help.

OP, you are making a rod for your back. My parents were really strict with me and I went fucking mental when I got to uni - drugs, drink, sleeping around, spent all my money in about a week...

I would get some counselling for your anxiety problems.
Most people would be thrilled that they were wanting to take up diving in the afternoons as opposed to being out in the evening and getting the last train home.
Hopefully your DS will just announce that he is going and he has arranged it all.

Ya gotta let him grow up! He's going to have to deal with the big wide world sooner rather than later, and if he's not learning to do yet, he'd better start soon.