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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why so many people are 'proud' of babies rolling over, crawling, walking etc?

284 replies

HiggsBoson · 27/01/2013 21:21

Unimportant bollocks I know, but humor me :)

I have a 3yo DD. Lately I'm noticing more and more people on facebook and in general conversation going on about how very proud they are that "DS rolled over" or "DD crawled"

As for toileting Hmm

I've always felt that pride is an ugly thing and hand on heart I have never been proud of DD Crawling, walking or taking a shit. I mean, these are human bodily functions and surely no reflection on your offspring's intelligence or your capability as a parent? So what's to be proud of?

Sure - when DD is a little older and does something for someone else of her own volition as an act of kindness, then yes, I might be proud of that. If she helps people and achieves happiness for herself and others then I might also be proud of her for that. But rolling? Nah.

Am I being a twat?

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 27/01/2013 23:52

Meh. Some of us tried giving you the benefit of the doubt and explaining a different point of view.

Original poster
HiggsBoson · 27/01/2013 23:59

Well, thanks y'all for the anal scorching :)

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 28/01/2013 00:02

When my son was born he was very ill, he fought through an operation at a few days old, and then he died.

When my daughter was born she had a genetic condition that we were unaware of, she fought for 2 weeks, and then she died too.

So OP I am proud of every single breath my children take, it fills me with pride every time they even glance at me, or say 'Mum' or any single one of the other mundane things that children do every day.

Every picture they have ever drawn I keep, every new thing they do, word they say, song they sing is written in a diary, and every achievement they reach, however small, I am there beside them cheering them on like its the greatest achievemnt ever reached, because, to me, it is.

If you don't like it then don't read it, but don't try and belittle the pride that most of us feel when our children do all the things they are supposed to do. It could quite easily be snatched away at any momet and then you will be filled with regret for taking those moments for granted.

Sleepyfergus · 28/01/2013 00:25

Dearie me OP, are you so terribly bored tonight that you decided you come on a stir up a bit of a shit fight with some sweeping and outrageous statements?

I'm afraid you have been a bit of a twat and furiously back pedalling and creating more offence has really not won you any friends has it.

Feeling proud? Oh no, silly me, you don't 'do' proud.

Run along now won't you? Oh, and take this with you Biscuit

PenelopeChipShop · 28/01/2013 04:56

If its purely the sharing aspect that annoys you I'm not sure why you're just picking on this. People without kids post dull stuff on fb too! or at any rate my friends do

Stinkyminkymoo · 28/01/2013 07:31

I'm proud of everything my dd does, why shouldn't I be?

A) it really is amazing watching a little person develop and learn.
B) she's my first so why would I not be proud?

OP, I think you are really mean for not recognising your dc's efforts, YABU.

I don't however give a fuck about other people's and therefore assume they don't about mine so I don't post on fb, so in that respect, YANBU.

Peachy · 28/01/2013 08:51

I don't think pride summed it up for me.

Three of my boys walked early, ds4 rolled so early the HV told me I was lying until she saw it for herself and he rolled off the scales.

It wasn't pride, it was simple pleasure that a task had been tackled, that it was one more thing they had achieved.

And what's significant is that 3 of my 4 boys have SN. So I know what it's like when they don't reach milestones- ds3 didn't even try and walk until he was 16 months, ds3 and ds4 are both very delayed still with communication.

So I take pleasure when they do achieve things, but not sure it was pride. Pride is when ds1 (ASD) sat down and revised for a maths exam this weekend without a full team of specialist staff threatening him. Or when ds4 settled in his own bed by choice, or ds3 remembered to change his pants.

Peachy · 28/01/2013 08:53

And the days of MN being about Boden and the like have passed.

They DID happen though, absolutely. But they have now pretty much ended.

Original poster
HiggsBoson · 28/01/2013 09:01

Sleepyfergus, which outrageous statements would those be then?

All I've said is that I find to hard to fathom people who gad on about how proud they are of DC rolling etc., and I do believe that many (not all) of these people genuinely see it at some sort of reflection on themselves.

I DID NOT post to be beaten with a SN stick trying to make me look a cold hearted cunt. Seen that happen on MN hundreds of times.

OP posts:
Original poster
HiggsBoson · 28/01/2013 09:05

I'm assuming it's only OK to post here as long as everyone is likely to agree with you or if you are MN Royalty an established/prolific poster.

OP posts:
Miggsie · 28/01/2013 09:06

Actually, I think being constantly proud of your child is harmful - becuase if you carry on when they are aware of what you feel about them, they will pick up that the most important thing they can do is make their parent feel proud - so they stop doing stuff for themselves and start doing the stuff to make you proud. This can be a terrible burden, and prevent children growing up with a sense of their own self worth - as they only value themselves via the parental reaction they get.
Then they have a time when they do something they think you won't be proud of - what do they do then?

I am pleased when DD does something, but I don't tell her I'm proud - I'm happy and pleased for her. I'd rather she felt good than I felt proud of something.

As for being thrilled when they potty train - I remember endless relief when she finally used the potty. But learning to toilet is a basic life skill - not a reason to bake a cake, or hang bunting.

Original poster
HiggsBoson · 28/01/2013 09:08

Yes Miggsie and surely pride is something to enjoy quietly?

OP posts:
threesocksmorgan · 28/01/2013 09:13

"I DID NOT post to be beaten with a SN stick trying to make me look a cold hearted cunt. Seen that happen on MN hundreds of times."

Hmm wtf is a sn stick

TheBigJessie · 28/01/2013 09:20

Well, whatever the conclusion of this thread, I will continue to be impressed by my children's physical development.
"surely no reflection on your offspring's intelligence or your capability as a parent?"

No, it's not. Probably why we're all proud of it! As all formerly-bright children know, stuff that you can just do isn't something of which to be proud. Grin However, demonstrating perseverance and putting in effort is.

Peachy · 28/01/2013 09:27

Threesocks a SN Stick is one that bahs a significant fracture and peeling bark, innit? Wink

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 28/01/2013 09:31

I assume 'beaten with a SN stick' is a ridiculous way of saying parents defending their children Hmm

TheBigJessie · 28/01/2013 09:46

I have hit me with your rhythm stick going through my head now. I blame the OP!

dottyspotty2 · 28/01/2013 09:55

Op because like it or not our SN kids doing things that seem insignificant to you are huge for instance silly things like my 18 year old counting out how much money he needed for lunch without prompting last week for the first time ever might seem nothing to you or taking himself off to college at 17 alone but massive to him and us.

gazzalw · 28/01/2013 10:02

Do you not think it's generally the preserve of first-time parents and possibly the middle-class ones at that?

I remember this fierce competition in ante-natal group with first-born DS. He was quite slow with physical markers such as sitting unaided/walking but not with mental markers or indeed with eating solids (non-pureed food) etc... But there was such a competitive edge to meet-ups with the babies that DW became quite convinced that DS was 'slow'. He certainly isn't now (at a super-selective grammar) and when people say their children walked at 9 months etc...as if it's some great achievement we just nod our heads knowingly.

It's no different really from when DCs start going thro' puberty. Some start very young and some are a lot later but in the end give or take a few exceptions they all go through it and emerge the other side and who cares who was early/average or late to it?

axure · 28/01/2013 10:39

Oh dear OP, glad you seem to have a pretty thick skin, it's not nice being called a twat. I agree with you, unless there is some underlying problem DC will reach these milestones if they are raised in a caring, nurturing environment, so really nothing groundbreaking when little Johnny/Jenny starts crawling, no need to bore everyone with the details.
I don't know how being matter of fact about it makes you less of a loving parent as some here have stated.

Peachy · 28/01/2013 10:40

I don't think it's the preserve of MC parents certainly

Speaking as a university educated woman raised on a deprivation index estate who therefore has a lot of contact with a wide range of classes.

Right am off to SLT with ds4, am very proud of him as he didn't scream this morning when bathed. So possibly not PFBs either, unless it stands for perfect fourth born in which case OK

threesocksmorgan · 28/01/2013 10:46

the op did ask if she was being a twat. read her ip.
so saying she is, is not attacking, just telling her the answer

StickEmUp · 28/01/2013 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MurderOfGoths · 28/01/2013 10:52

"Do you not think it's generally the preserve of first-time parents and possibly the middle-class ones at that? "

No.

gazzalw · 28/01/2013 11:03

Really MurderofGoths? I tend to think based on my own observations that by the time you have had one child you actually see pretty quickly that all DCs, but particularly babies, all develop at their own rate?

Maybe the middle-class bit is wrong though???