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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think i shouldn't have to pay HALF of the holiday, just because i have a child?

415 replies

WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 14:45

My two friends suggested we should go on a caravan holiday this summer with my 5yo dd (neither of my two friends have children).

We've decided on a self-catering Haven holiday and the total price is approx £450 for the week, including funworks passes etc. Only additional costs would be for food and transport, which we'd pay our own way on when we get there.

Anyway, my friends are expecting me to pay half - so £225 - rather than a third - £150.

They say it's because dd will count towards the price too.

I've just checked how much it would be for me and dd to go alone - on the exact same holiday - and it's still £450 - the same price.

The price is based on size and type of caravan, not how many people are in the group. And since the smallest caravan is 2 bedrooms, it's the same price.

(Hope this is making sense).

Anyway, i'm a bit peed off they expect me to pay £225 and they can just pay £112 each. They've reluctantly agreed to go thirds instead (£150) each, but have said it's just to shut me up, they're not happy about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 26/01/2013 15:30

If you feel so strongly then why not suggest you book a 3 bed and pay per room?

That would be fairer to your friends.

oldebaglady · 26/01/2013 15:30

p.s. babes in arms are generally considered 1 mother-baby unit and aren't counted in say wedding numbers etc, children who have their own seat are

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/01/2013 15:31

Can't do what, drink in the caravan? Since when?

Shakirasma · 26/01/2013 15:31

I just don't understand why you think DD should be free.

When we holiday abroad a family friend comes with us. So that's me, DH, 3 kids and our friend. 6 in total.

We split the cost 6 ways, we pay 5/6ths and friend pays 1/6th. We couldn't possibly split the cost 3 ways, that would be totally unfair and ridiculously unaffordable for him. Kids cost money too, and on a foreign holiday child occupancy attracts an under occupancy supplement.

4 beds available, 4 beds needed, 4 equal shares of the cost.

HecateWhoopass · 26/01/2013 15:32

The problem is that they do! You may 'win' in that they'll pay a percentage of your room, but they'll resent you for it.

If your daughter wasnt going, and it was the three of you in a two bed , and you shared one of the rooms with one friend while the other friend had a room to herself, do you hand on heart think that you wouldn't think it fairer for the one getting the room to themselves to pay more?
It is farer for it to be split by rooms.
450 divided by 2 is 225 per room.

Wouldn't you think the friend on her own should pay for her room?
But you want them to subsidise yours. Its not fair.

Bunbaker · 26/01/2013 15:32

"If dd wasn't coming, and it was a 4th adult instead, i'd say a quarter each.
But i don't feel this is applicable to my situation - 3 adults and one child. I don't believe a child should be expected to pay the same amount as an adult."

I still don't "get" your reasoning. Why should your child go free. She is a child so you pay for her, she doesn't pay for herself because she isn't earning. She is still someone that takes up bed space, a seat in the dining area, watches TV, uses the bathroom etc. Why should your friends subsidise her?

I'm sorry but you sound a little entitled over this.

oldebaglady · 26/01/2013 15:33

it's against the park's poicy to stay up chatting in your own accomodation? Even without extra alcohol, most adults holidaying together like to carry on the conversation from the evening when they get back to their accomodation, not tip toe and whisper and get straight into bed with minimal lights on etc. I'm not talking about having a caravan party! just adults sitting up chatting into the wee hours

TarkaTheOtter · 26/01/2013 15:34

YABU it should be by bedroom.
Even if your dd wasn't coming you should pay 1/2 because you are occupying one of two bedrooms. If there were three bedrooms and you and your daughter shared one then you should pay 1/3.

PearlyWhites · 26/01/2013 15:34

No yanbu like you said it would cost the same if your dd didn't go it's not like three adults would go in a one bedroom caravan. Personally I wouldn't go at all if that's their attitude.

LadyMargolotta · 26/01/2013 15:35

Of course it's not against Havan policy to drink and chat privately in your caravan.

TotallyBS · 26/01/2013 15:35

The OP paying for 1.5 people would be more fair IMO than 50/50 or 1 third.

oldebaglady · 26/01/2013 15:36

the less people who go, the more they pay per person but the more space and less washing up/clutter there is

Every extra person makes it feel more cramped so less value, and children though physically small have a knack of spreading themselves out more than most adults!!

It will be a TOTALLY different holiday with your DD there than if it was just 3 adults, if you can't accept that then you really should just get your own caravan and leave them to it as your lack of consideration about this will cause other problems

Kalisi · 26/01/2013 15:36

Firstly, children don't pay for themselves, their parents pay for them.
Secondly, you are not arguing that you should pay less for dd, you seem to think that she should get a completely free holiday at your friends expense
And thirdly,whether you sleep on the couch is irrelevant. That second room needs to be paid for! . The only logical way to divide it is by room, if you suddenly have twins before you go, you should still only pay half as there are 4 squeezed into one room.

KhallDrogo · 26/01/2013 15:37

YABU....why don't just you and dd go, and pay the £450?

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 15:37

Exit - that's different though from my situation though.

My dd doesn't incur any additional charges. We don't need an extra room for her.

And my friends do know 'what they're letting themselves in for' as we've been on holiday together twice before.

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 26/01/2013 15:38

As others have said I think you should pay half whether or not your DD comes - you are occupying one of the two bedrooms. If you were willing to share your room with another adult then you would each pay 1/4.

The cost is being (fairly) split by room, rather than by person.

If the two bedrooms were occupied and you and DD chose to sleep on the sofa/floor (as you suggested) then your share would be close to zero.

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 15:39

Of course they can drink in the caravan, but they can't exactly go mad and throw a party. Nuisance noise is banned after a certain time, just as it is anywhere else. So whether or not my dd was there, they still couldn't carry on getting too drunk and merry in the caravan.

OP posts:
SilverOldie · 26/01/2013 15:39

You asked AIBU, the majority of posters have said yes but you continue to argue and ignore what they are saying.

Are you expecting your friends to split food etc three ways too? Quite frankly if I were your friends I would cancel going with you.

Book your own caravan and pay the full £450.

happy2bhomely · 26/01/2013 15:41

I paid for a caravan holiday a couple of yrs ago for me and my 4 children. I booked a 3 bed, 8 berth caravan. It cost £120.

My sis suggested she come along with her 2dc, seeing as there was room. I said fine. I had the double room with baby and toddler. My other 2 dc shared a room. Her 2dc shared a room. She had the sofa bed.

I asked her what she thought was a fair split, and she looked shocked. she had assumed it would not cost her anything as I was paying for a 3bed anyway!

I would have appreciated a contribution, but went along with it to keep the peace. I still think it was incredibly cheeky. I would not have expected half, or even a third, but I'm still not sure what would have been a fair split Confused

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 15:41

But the way the bedrooms work means that even if dd wasn't coming, there'd still be an extra bed.

It's a double bed and a twin room.

I wouldn't base the price on who got a room to themselves, no. I'd divide it by amount of adults.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/01/2013 15:41

Are we making you think again, at all, OP ?

It's not exactly crime of the century at all, and I am sure you are a lovely friend, but your mates have given you a warning. After this year, they won't tolerate it again. No more invites...it's you and dd on your own (paying all the tariff). Is it worth you sticking stubbornly to your guns ? Really ?

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/01/2013 15:42

AIBU?

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes no yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes no yes yes yes yes.

IANBU!!!

DizzySometimes · 26/01/2013 15:42

OP, I think you?re really missing the point that people who say you are being unreasonable are trying to make. The point is that, when you book hotel rooms, book flights, or anything else for a holiday, having DD with you would cost you an extra ticket or mean you?d have to pay for a room that was large enough for both of you. I wonder what would happen if you tried the ?but I have a child? argument if booking a holiday for just the two of you ? you wouldn?t get anywhere! Why you think her going should not cost anything is mind boggling to me ? you say gas, light etc is free when it is not; it is included in the overall £450 for the holiday. If you only pay a third, your friends are paying your daughter?s proportion of light, heat, etc, and why should they? I think it is only fair you pay by room - why should you benefit from an entire room but not pay proportionate to that just because one of the occupants happens to be a child.

I think you are being unreasonable to not be able to see why they?d think you should pay. You keep repeating ?well, I?m taking a child not an adult? without actually addressing any of the other points that people are making. If you are that inflexible here, I can see why your friends would want to ensure you pay for your DD from now on so that they don?t have to continue subsidising your holiday costs until she?s an adult!

Bunbaker · 26/01/2013 15:43

"I'd divide it by amount of adults."

Most people wouldn't. If you went on holiday on your own with a friend who had two children how would you expect to split the bill?

AnyFucker · 26/01/2013 15:43

happy I call out your sister as freeloader

don't agree to anything like that again (unless you fancy "mug" tattoed on your forehead)