To feel so upset regarding contact.

[MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong]

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

An aquarium is a FANTASTIC place for a 5 month old! My DS2 loved fish more than anything at that age, and for a couple of years afterwards, actually :) The only possible reason for meeting him elsewhere might be that you want to ENJOY your aquarium visit with DD, rather than be stressed out during it...

Yes, Cru is right. If he doesn't want to go to the aquarium, fine. You should still go, and you and DD will love it :)

And he can see her another time, if there is another time this week that suits you, and that your mum or dad can make.

Offer 1 alternative, a cafe or garden centre if not the aquarium, but you know what Make it's all part of keeping you on your toes and begrudging any pleasure you might squeeze out of thinking how nice, DD's dad is actually arsed about seeing her, rather than some cheap point-scoring exercise against you.

So go to the aquarium as you planned and if he turns down your alternative suggestion, he can like it or lump it, surely the whole point is seeing his little girl?!

PS She's teething so might be cranky in which case he will see a rl baby in action not just a DD he can't be bothered enquiring about during his rants about access.

Okay I've offered soft play now (baby bit) and I'm doing the sea life centre on our own it will be better.
I refuse to check my emails anymore today.
Putting DD to bed, and having whilst call the midwife is on

Well done girl, you've got the fine makings of a hardened MNetter.

I love the Sea Life Centres. We took DD to the one at Weymouth several times using Tesco Clubcard vouchers so it was a free day out.

She didnt take much interest until she was about 18 months old, but I agree that the fish WRC are lovely for a baby to look at, very colourful and pretty.

As long as you always offer a reasonable alternative he cannot say that you are stopping access.

Life's a bastard isn't it.
Making a list of things I am looking forward to this week:
Baby clinic
Sealife cente
Playgroup
Riding on Wednesday

The list of things im not looking forward too is way longer.
My Lundy Bancroft book has just got onto manipulation: rather useful but I can't help but feel I might have abusive tendencies but I need to keep reading... As it might be how my mind is altered.
The aim of the EA is to make to victim feel like they are loosing their head

Riding on Wednesday - is that horse riding? That sounds fab.

That is the case Make, its design to make you see faults in yourself, where there isnt any. You dont have abusive tendencies, he just wants you to think that.

Yes, I'm quite the master of riding racehorses.
I used to ride 6 a day, now I ride one a week while my mum watches DD.
My favourite horse is going to Cheltenham can't wait to see him

Make, how CAN you think you don't manage to do enough?! I reckon you're managing more this week than I've managed in the last 6 months!!

Making lists is a good idea, keeps you on track and not checking for incoming emails/texts is even better - pulling up the drawbridge.

Got some hot tips for Cheltenham?

I agree that you have got a lot on for the week. It is better to keep yourself busy which it sounds like you are. I have looked forward all weekend to DD coming home again. There is nothing better than that hug when she comes through the door.

I need a tip for 14 March at Cheltenham as it's my birthday :-) give me a winner! I have got a friend whose sister works for Twiston Davies, am after her for a tip too. I used to do accounts for a racehorse trainer too, Victor Dartnall, so i always keep an eye on his horses. Never been to Cheltenham, but swear I will one day for my birthday.

Nice! When DS is two, Im going to take him to our local riding school and see how he does on a Shetland pony.

Ahhh my friend works for VD.

Yes any horse trained by Gary moore at Cheltenham is worth a flutter, they are flying

Oh I really don't do enough honestly. I sometimes go around sainsburys for something to do, I'm not even joking. Getting a wide range to choose from around here now tesco, sainsburys, morrisons and asda.
I have to laugh or ill cry about it

DD seems to love horses, we went and saw them last week. The old jumpers are big softies, there's 3 resident mini Shetlands too that do birthday parties for children and they can sit, give hoof, bow and roll over. She got a little sit and they did their tricks for me her, I meant her!

I'm envious of your aquarium visit! I would like to get to the zoo again with DD soon but it's quite a long drive, and I'm not that confident about doing it. So that'll go on the back burner for a bit because I'm a wuss.

I'm amazed how much you're packing into your week Make - I'd be lying on the floor by the end of day one!

With regard to access visit type scenario and twat ex changing plans at the last minute, plenty of good advice from posters above. You can't just drop everything and reschedule everything at his behest. If he wants to see his daughter then he has to be sensible and accommodating. If not, then it's his loss.

On the subject of horses, did you know Lee Mack once rode Red Rum?

Thanks for the tip, I will check the races on 14th and see whats what. I dont gamble much, but I like a little bet on Cheltenham, the National and F1 racing champion :)

I used to go to all the local point to points before I had DD, but then it got too expensive. Then when she was a toddler it was just too dangerous as she kept running off and getting bored when standing still.... Now she is a little bit older I am going to take her to a couple this year, if the weather is ok. I think that she will like to see all the horses. I will let her pick out the winners as I never have any luck

All the lovely things that you do with your DD and she is still so young. A lot of mothers of young babies cant even drag themselves out of the house, so you are doing so well. and so what if its just a trip to the supermarket? Anything is interesting to a baby. and if your DD is anything like mine, she just courted attention wherever she went. Total strangers cooing at her. Got embarrasing as she got older though, she used to say hello to everybody and most people would say hello back. One day, a vicar ignored her and she SHOUTED at him... I SAID HELLO!!!! i was cringing and everybody was laughing their heads off. So even a boring supermarket trip can create a lot of fun.

Howe you today, Make?

LOL @ Mini Skye shouting at the vicar.

Uh oh typo that s/b How are you?

Hey Make

I've just caught up, we were on the September group together although I have nc.

You are doing amazingly, you do more than me on a weekly basis, maybe I need to get out more. :)

You have come on so much from your first thread, keep your head up and you have such an amazing support group here. Ill try to help out but I'm not sure if ill be much help.

Thinking of you x

You are all too kind do you know that. I was thinking earlier about my friends, you are my MN friends.

Today I feel terrible but I'm putting a front on it and singing stupid songs to dd.
I'm also working on my job search now I handed my notice in, so need a job to support my access course. I've just started a thread for ideas.
How are all of you?

Also- I think it's mentioned in Gingers auto biog that Lee Mack I think rode him on Southport beach? Can't find the book at the minute.

Just caught up with your thread in Chat (not stalking honestly!) that's a good idea planning ahead and thinking things through.

Bet DD thinks her mummy has a beautiful voice, go for the high notes Make

I think DD likely to say earmuffs as her first work actually