To feel so upset regarding contact.

[MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong]

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

Jeez, now hes just having a temper tantrum.

It's just making when I do have to hand DD over on her own worse

Make Hope you've got a catalogue of these emails, i think your gonna need them, this guy is verging on unstable.

I have, he says that about me

Sweetie He thinks your unstable because you stand up to him. All men think that if you question or argue, that your having a fit or PMT.

He just is unstable, are getting stroppy because the mean lady wont let him have his own way .

Some men never grow up past 12 do they.

Ugh i despair, now my ex had said he cant have DD for weekend because hes poor. Got no food or money, but is gonna come and spend saturday with her.

Mummy's time wont be happening til April then.

At your house Greg

Nah, that means he'll have to drive another 11 miles, luckily theres the Discovery Centre we can take her too.

That's something then!

I've just been told its my responsibility to make sure he sees her and that she's safe with his mum as she knows more about babies than me. even though him and his siblings had a nanny each until 6 and his mum never put him to bed

Hiya!! Somebody just pointed me in the direction of this thread! I've said it before and I'll say it again - you know you are not allowed to start a thread without letting me know ! I am your number one stalker remember

But seriously....

I still need to read the whole thread, but have read the past few pages, got the gist of what a twat your ex is being (no change there then).

CSA guidelines are 15% of salary. Whether he likes it or not, that is what he will have to pay. There is no reduction on that unless he has DD for over 52 nights a year, which I presume he won't be doing for a while. That equates to 1 night a week. He can threaten what he likes about access, court, it doesn't mean that it will happen. I don't know about mediation, I would have thought that he should come to you,that is what has happened in similar situations that I have seen on here

He cannot force you to drive to his parents. My twat XH moved 20 miles away, then in mediation said that maybe I could drive her to him sometimes. I flatly refused, on the grounds that he made the decision to walk out and it is his contact and therefore down to him to collect her. Same goes for your X. If he wants to see his DD then it is up to him to collect her. He could book a Premier Inn or something nearby and see her for a few hours.

Parental Rights are about healthcare, education, religion etc. They do not give him a right to see her whenever he pleases. You certainly do not have to hand her over just because he says so. He needs to understand that she has a routine and you have a life

I totally agree with you that you shouldn't just let your baby go off for hours with a person who is effectively a stranger..

Please ignore whatever he calls you. My XH said a couple of times that I should grow up and if I acted like an adult, then there would be no problems over access. He said this because I was trying to get him to commit to regular times and days and didnt like being messed around. Apparently I was pathetic and childish. This from the man who walked out with no prior warning and no discussion.

I still have feelings for XH despite everything. It is hard, but the more that they behave badly, the easier it is to stop loving them. How can you love somebody who would treat you and your DD like that? That is what I say to myself now.

Stay strong. You are getting plenty of support on here.

Its his responsibility to see her, he is unstable if he deludes himself into thinking that.

Also i wouldnt what my baby around a woman who offered to go with you and do the deed whilst you were 5 months pregnant (I do believe in abortions as a choice, but something about abortions after 14 weeks makes me uncomfortable, feeling it move i think makes it more of a real person)

SKYE!!! I thought you were here, I hope you and mini Skye are okay!
I'm okay, feeling stronger but yes the feelings are still there.
He really is just a fool though

Make and Skye i took me about 3 years for my to say i have no feelings for the ex, without those feelings, i find it easier to get on with him, so to still have some feelings it totally normal.

Greg- you mean it's totally horrible

Make Yeah its horrible, but very normal, unlike most men, us women dont have the ability to just pretend we never loved someone, you just gotta remember that, they are exes for very good reasons and those feelings will die down in time.

Did you see my previous post about the latest attack?

Yup

hello Make I lost track of you, just found this thread tonight.

Thank goodness for the wisdom of MNers who've been here for you - I have no experience in this area but wanted to send you my good wishes and support fwiw and say well done on getting your place at college.

Keep battling on your little girl will grow up knowing she has a wonderful mummy regardless of whether her dad ever grows up and drops the whiney boy-child act.

Thank you I was taking some time out but realised I need you all

Hi Make, I've been lurking and keeping sort of up-to-date on and off of how things have been going. I've noticed that you're hanging on to get legal advice so you can apply for Legal Aid.

I've ummed and ahhed because I didn't want to worry you/deliver what could be bad news, but here goes. I don't know whether you're aware - or whether its already been mentioned in the excellent advice you've had - but the scope for Legal Aid for family law changes from 1st April. It won't be available for all types of family law advice like it is now. There will still be certain cases it'll be available for, but I think it would be important for you to find out whether you'd qualify. You could contact a local solicitor or post in Legal on MN.

To find out where you stand financially at the moment for Legal Aid, you can have a look at the eligibility calculator on the link on that page.

FWIW I think you're doing brilliantly, your ex in a complete and utter twatbadgerknobjockey, and your DD is lucky to have a mum as wonderful as you.

Wow thank you letus, that's really great to know!!

You're very welcome Make. I just didn't want you to get to the point where you felt you would financially be okay for Legal Aid and then possibly get a huge setback. You really really don't deserve that.

I shall re-lurk and wish you and your DD lots of good luck and happiness

Just popping in to say hello and goodnight, Make. :)
Same old same old from Ex, I see . He isn't saying anything you need to respond to. Ignore, ignore, ignore!
And you can amuse yourself with the thought that you're getting wonderful practice for when DD starts having toddler tantrums!

Work got my resignation letter today. It's all so real now, feel rather upset. I can't go back though

Why do I feel so useless and crap? Life just seems so miserable and I'm trying I really am.
Mr I will take you to court now has a weekend off, have I been contacted about seeing DD. have I buggery?
TWUNT