To feel so upset regarding contact.

[MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong]

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

Its gonna take another 1 or 2 before my degree is completed, been studying since 2011.

I hope it goes well Greg.

I've just thought, he's mentioned PR earlier. That means he's been looking it up. (I'm not worried, just a random thought) maybe his mummy checked google

I agree with everyone's comments, make, just ignore. And remember, even if he has been looking up PR, he's clearly not grasped much from his research seeing as he's no clue about the R part of PR. He's also made it clear that he's linking contact with money, which just about sums the fuckwit up. Just focus on the future, how things will get better for you once you get on with your course, and get out meeting people again. All this will pass, and he'll either realise what to do to make progress with your DD if that is his intention, or he'll manage to dig himself a big enough hole to hopefully disappear down, never to be seen again.

He'd have to go to court to get PR, and then you'll have the evidence to prove hes a cunt and then you offer supervised access and he does parenting classes, then you'll be willing to allow unsupervised.

I just want to say HOORAY, Make! Congratulations. I'm really pleased for you!

I'm not even going to discuss twunt's latest noisy fussing now. It doesn't deserve the attention!

Here's a and to celebrate!

Make, you might not remember, but we chatted a few months back after a post in legal with very similar situations. I wanted to say thank you for having the strength to post everything, it's really helped me reading through these and seeing everything simplified without having to write out my own events.

You are so strong with everything. Just remember how scary and vulnerable it felt in the first weeks, compared to now. Everything gets easier and clearer with time. He is no longer a scary man issuing threats and putting DD in danger, he is a bitter boy who has to fit in with what is practical for you, a wonderful, strong, motivated mother who is building an amazing life for yourself and your daughter.

Well done on getting into college too! xxx

Thank you for your lovely posts of support.
Woke up to this-Every time i try to arrange seeing her you are just obstructive and uncooperative, otherwise id have seen her every time ive been free!

So so fed up. Why can't he go and pick on someone else. Playground bully. I'm not replying of course- it's not my money and if he had paid when the CSA asked there would have been no arrears. Oh and as for seeing her he's made me feel like I'm lying again!

Make, What you gotta remember, his version of reality is totally different from actual reality, he doesnt seem to understand that you dont always have to make DD available, because its not always a good time, dont reply, if hes so desperate for contact then he will make the effort. But since all this is about is getting one over on you, then its unlikely he will.

Dont feel like a liar, you have been perfectly amenable to him, its his lacklustre parenting that has caused this issue.

Aww thanks for your speedy reply Greg.
I just sometimes feel like I'm going insane.
Doesn't help I wish itv would turn that advert off with people help the people as the music, as it reminds me of being so lonely when I was with him and knowing it was all crumbling. Just before I found out I was pregnant

I've been in the place your in, i look back and think, "Why the fuck you were so eager to please him" so now i dont, i called CSA on him after him not paying for 2 years, he had a right go at me for it, but i said that i'd warned him i was gonna do it, and i did it, not my fault if he thinks im a pushover, im not anymore, i have two to please in life and thats me and my DD, everyone else to go fuck off in the nicest possible way, at nearly 30, im not taking anyones shit anymore.

I've been a pushover for too long. It's not about me anymore it's about DD. he seems to think I use her as a weapon- well I don't.
I feel so awful today, we aren't even dressed.

Make My ex twunt told me to stop using DD as a weapon, when i dared ask him when he was going to see DD after he'd fucked off 300 miles away with his other woman, they blame us to cover for their own shitty behaviour.

Why is he emailing now to say he's taking a afternoon off work to talk because things need to change

Make, think about it. You haven't just jumped to attention when he's barked demands at you. You have not responded to his unreasonable demands for you to do all the running. He wants to 'talk' to try and bully you into complying with his demands. Remember, you do not have to talk to him - if he is so determined to talk, suggest he arranges mediation, and let you know the details but do not under any circumstances agree to meet with him to 'talk' because you know exactly what he'll do and say, and you know his motivation is to 'punish' you for standing up for yourself. The only way to protect yourself is to not agree to anything he suggests that you are not comfortable with. He's been winding himself up to the point he thinks he can just storm over and put you in your place. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE TO ANYTHING HE DEMANDS. Don't answer the door, or phones, or emails if he is simply issuing demands. Phone the non-emergency police number and speak to someone if he does turn up and tries to get to speak to you. Is your mum or dad around?

yes, things need to change for him. He needs to grow up, and act like a man!

Keep the calm, cool, offers of contact on your terms in place. Keep the stupid, insulting and manipulative texts.

Let him get on with being a total arse.

Greg - sorry you've had to go through so much crap, but you're certainly offering some very good advice from one who has been there, done that, survived and got the t-shirt :)

He's just a complete tool. My father is furious

Can I just point out that if he has PR (if he is on the birth certificate) then legally he has equal rights to you Make.

You have not been to court yet as far as I understand from your thread, so as far as the law is concerned, he is as equal a parent as you are, and has equal responsibility to DD.
Although PR stands for parental responsibility, having PR means legally, he has some power over your DD, as do you, and neither parent at the moment is seen to be superior or have more rights to DD as far as the law is concerned.

PR puts him on an equal level to you Make.

Just want to make that clear to you.

I love my dad. I can see exactly what he's doing I'm just so so tired of it

I know that miss, that's the issue that terrifies me

Make, what others have said. Don't meet up with him. It needs to be done through mediation, or at the very least with one of your parents there.

Don't meet him on your own - he jut wants to bully, manipulate and confuse you.

Sorry if that sounds harsh OP, but I don't want you to believe that because you are the primary carer for DD, you have more rights over her at the moment and your XP has none.

He does indeed have equal rights in the eyes of the law at the moment.

That's not to say that he has any rights over you, neither can he tell you what you should or should not be doing wrt DD, he cannot demand you drive for hours to take DD to see him, neither can he demand that you allow him into your house etc etc.

This arrives- I know its about dd, thats why she has to have a normal relationship with her family as she can, not one only dictated by her mother. The solicitor will start if you dont acknowledge my right to see my daughter. You have no power over me, its half and half with dd. I could come n pick her up right now and you would be breaking the law if you kept her from me.