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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so upset regarding contact.

999 replies

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 26/01/2013 13:50

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 24/02/2013 19:39

That's lovely Greg, i needed that. The pain is very raw tonight. I feel I'm becoming bitter Hmm

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Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 15:38

I just got my official offer for a place at college Grin

OP posts:
flumposie · 25/02/2013 15:41

Well done you!

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 15:42

YAY for Make, you deserve some Wine and Thanks Grin

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 15:49

Thank you.
We are having a small tea party to celebrate, mushy banana and carrot all the way.
I am delighted, I'm on my way Smile

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GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 15:52

Make This is the open door leading you away from your twunt ex and onto a new life, enjoy it.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 19:40

Just got a really nasty message off him telling me to drop CSA.

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GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 19:47

Dont reply, just ignore it, dont play his power game.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 19:48

Keep the message though as proof.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 19:49

I dont have that money! how is it not about money? I have to pay more because i dont have her overnight but you are denying me that and legally as i have parental responsibility i can have her whenever i want, so actually you are very much in the wrong!

HmmHmmHmm

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MrsTomHardy · 25/02/2013 19:54

Ignore and continue with Csa

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 19:55

omg, just ignore it, hes getting stressy now because he might actually have to pay, and somehow i doubt he'll have her enough to have the maintenence decreased, what an absolute prick.

And no he cant have her when he wants, your effectively the RP so its up to you, if he cared enough about having her more often he'd go to court, but he wont because that means he'll have to spend more money, just to be told he a crap dad.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 19:58

I'm actually so upset there's another one too.
I actually don't care if I out myself on here anymore. I've got a teething screaming colicky baby and I'msat here in tears. It was never meant to be this way Hmm
Why can't he just get on with me? I know the practicalities of why etc but you know what I mean

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Whocansay · 25/02/2013 20:04

You could remind him that a child is not pay per view tv. She needs to eat, be clean, be clothed, whether he can be bothered to see her or not. Which of course he can't. Otherwise he would be coming to visit. Fuck him. He's utter vermin.

On a different note, congratulations on the course! You must be really excited! A brand new start for MakeIt! x

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 20:04

Because sweetheart, hes cunt, a selfish, stupid, bullying, manipulative cunt.

Dont let him drag you down to his shitty levels, your so much better than that piece of shit, you should feel proud of yourself, being a single mum, doing a great job, got into college, your life is starting to right itself.

Wipe your hands of this man, if wants to see DD, then hes gotta learn to ask nicely and if he doesnt then he dont see her, and if he keeps on with this shitty behaviour then call the police and show him the evidence.

He wants to control you, because he knows your life is changing, your changing, he could manipulate the old you, this new stronger you, he cant get too.

So look at the message now, and say loudly to youself, "Oh just fuck off you cunt" and shut it down.

You are better than this man, remember that.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 20:05

I was really excited. Now I'd rather chuck myself under a bus again because I've been reminded its never going to end.
I'd rather no money, no contact at all. Wink

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GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 20:09

Make If i could wish that to happen i would, maybe you should just not text him, dont speak to him at all, dont acknowledge him, he obviously isnt bothered about seeing DD, just bothered about parting with money. So he doesnt ask to see her then fine you wont offer.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 20:20

But the problem then is Greg, if I ignore him when he asks to see her if it goes to court that's a strike against me.
I know we are all in agreement that we don't think he will- but there is that chance.
It's catch 22, it's checkmate.

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GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 20:24

You dont ignore him when he asks, you make a nice, reasonable suggestion that works for you, since you have the baby afterall, but if he gets nasty then your in your right to say no, and you keep all this evidence, so in the unlikelihood that he does, then you can say, well this is what i get, abuse, if hes polite, you play ball, if its not about DD, then you dont need to reply.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 20:29

Okay :-) I carry on as I have been

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GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 20:31

Yep, let him chase contact, he doesnt deserve any effort on your part.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 25/02/2013 21:20

Firstly, congrats on your college offer. That's great news! Are you allowed to say what you'll be studying?

That message is pure manipulation. He's trying to get inside your head and emotionally manipulate you - don't let him. He can have his little strop but the fact is kids cost money and he should share the financial responsibility of raising her.

You know what he's saying is a load of shite, don't you? If he really wanted to have her overnight, he'd make the effort to start seeing her in the day. He'd have seen her this weekend while he wasn't working. He'd get that solicitors letter sent (the one he threatened to send the other week that failed to materialise Hmm). He might even get off his arse and apply to court for contact. He's done none of those things.

I agree with Greg - if he texts asking to see DD just reply in our usual business-like manner with a date, time and place that suits you (and your mum Wink). If he texts or emails about anything else, whether it's ranting like today's message, moaning about money, calling you names, threatening you, or anything that's not a polite request to see DD, don't reply. Keep all messages from him, in case you ever need them in future. I'm assuming his second email was similar to the first so ignore that one too.

Just remember how far you've come and how far you're going to go. You'll have left him way behind in all aspects before you know it.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 21:24

I know Smile I will, just hurts.
Just on and on and on. I shouldn't check my emails really.
I am studying on a access course, with a view to study midwifrey Smile

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GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 21:27

Make what a great thing to aim for, i do Open Uni, trying to get my Criminology and Psychology degree.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 25/02/2013 21:36

That's fascinating Greg, I'd have loved to study such a subject- but if I'm honest midsomer murders scares me Smile
I've a friend studying that, and it seems so interesting.
I've always wanted to be a midwife, but was never mature enough upon leaving school. Sadly my studying is going to be alot harder for sept due the the midwifrey boom by all the midwife and OBEM.
For every 10 places at the uni I'd like to study at there's more than 100 applicants. Confused
Although i am very fortunate that my parents will help when the time comes, meaning I can apply to 3, 1 in our county and 2 in bordering counties.
I'm very lucky, some people get no help.
How long is your studying Greg?

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