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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so upset regarding contact.

999 replies

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 26/01/2013 13:50

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

OP posts:
bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 14/02/2013 19:39

He sounds like an immature twat. Just think, you have shown how reasonable you are, how capable you are, and how amazing your DD is. And he's shown himself up to be a sulky immature overgrown kevin teenager who says he's capable of taking care of your DD on his own, but has shown the exact opposite by not interacting or communicating with you, the mother (main source of important info that would help him learn how to take care of her), refusing to change her nappy, turning down the extra time, all the while his parents sit there and see this for themselves no doubt excusing him as they'll have probably done for years. Just know that any further digs that might come your way are not because there is any basis in truth in them - it's because he is an inadequte individual who is threatened by your strength, and the only way he (and his 'lovely' mother) can deal with that is to try and bully you. Stand tall Make, you are a fantastic mum, and your DD is a lucky wee girl to have you stand up for her.

flow4 · 14/02/2013 20:00

Yeeeeeee-HA! :D
Well done Make!
And what a plonker! Grin

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 20:22

Bunch- your words speak so much truth. We got through it, we are now not sure whether to waste 90 on a solicitor tommorow when they have acted in such a way.
I think is absolutely pointless, especially when I am getting stronger every day.
I can honestly say I looked at him today and I pitied him. He cannot see what he is missing out on due to his selfish ways. He doesn't want DD, it's for show.
We can't help thinking he is even moodier and twattish than normal as the fool accidently arranged to see us valentines day, thus ruining his plans. Then when he realise I am serious about contact couldn't drop DD.
Twunt actually no, TWUNT TWUNT TWUNT TWUNT TWUNT

Ark that felt good Smile

OP posts:
Whocansay · 14/02/2013 20:26

Good for you OP! He was probably just disappointed that your mum was there so he couldn't berate and bully you. Diddums!

poodletip · 14/02/2013 20:39

Well done, lovely to hear you sound so strong.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 14/02/2013 21:07

We can't help thinking he is even moodier and twattish than normal as the fool accidently arranged to see us valentines day, thus ruining his plans.

Grin Make, that made me guffaw. What a muppet he is! Happy Valentine's Day to your ex twunt. Flowers Grin

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 21:12

We found it hilarious too.
Bet his new gf was so chuffed about where he was the doughnut!
I am so better off without him, looked at him today and have given myself a very good talking too about future men.
On the plus side, the dog and DD did me a valentines card- silly mum made them both sign it!
White wine, candles, Chinese and a bath- with the dog Smile disclaimer: pooch laid on warm towel at side Grin

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 14/02/2013 21:18

Make it sounds like it went perfectly. I had a feeling they'd be late, and he sounds next to useless. After all his posturing about wanting access on a day he chooses, when and where he chooses, I'm sorry to say that it appears he clearly doesn't really want to see her. All the bluster about wanting access is just a way of trying to control you and mess with your head. He now knows you're onto him and you're now in control. I can't believe he didn't even interact with her! Well I can, but you know what I mean. Quite telling that he didn't want to extend the visit when you kindly offered.

Today goes to show just how strong you are. Your mum and DD are right to be proud of you. If he asks for access again, just do the same thing and treat it as a business transaction where you're in control. He knows he can no longer bully you. The balance of power has shifted. Well done!

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 14/02/2013 21:41

Ahhhhh Make they've made it easier to not bother with contact again, if he cant make the effort, why should you, your DD probably doesnt even know who he is.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 21:47

Yes your so right! What a complete tool. My mum is now telling my dad all about it- using a few choice words.

Bless-
He's just emailed to tell us that he is home safe. His message consists of 3 words- he should go on the 3 word day thread. I home safe.
I could start a two word thread: beginning with F!Shock

OP posts:
GregBishopsBottomBitch · 14/02/2013 21:50

Wow Make, hes home safe, you musta been holding your breath til you got that vital info.

Jeez, what a knobhead.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 14/02/2013 21:58

God, he's such a nobber. I mean, like you care! What he should have put is 'Are you and DD home safe?'. Fucking twat.

Don't respond to that email. He's trying to draw you in. Do not engage. Remember it's a business transaction - only respond if it's to do with DD or to arrange contact, and even then, ensure your words are civil but unemotional.

Hope you and the dog enjoyed your bath Grin.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 22:01

I can rest easy tonight.
I had to come on and tell you all because let's face it.... You were worried, weren't you?!
Wink
I have obviously been checking travel updates to check they are okay as I had so much spare time on my hands

OP posts:
flow4 · 14/02/2013 22:09

Frankly, I have been worrying all afternoon. I'm soooo glad you told us, because I don't think I could've slept, if I hadn't realised He Home Safe. Hmm

Fuckinell... He's got an ego the size of a planet, innit?! Grin

ProphetOfDoom · 14/02/2013 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 14/02/2013 22:22

Men eh, with all that Peter Pan shit going on, the boy that never grew up, well its not just a fucking disney film is it.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 15/02/2013 07:30

I think the whole pantomime act just proved they aren't from the real world. They just see my DD as a object, not a person.
Anyone want a sweepstake on when we will next hear anything from any of them?

OP posts:
diddl · 15/02/2013 08:17

"I home safe"??!!

WTAF?

CruCru · 15/02/2013 08:29

Hey Make, delurking - sounds like you did a good job yesterday. Let us know how it goes at the solicitor.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 15/02/2013 08:35

Thank you crucru and diddl.

Diddl- such a broad vocabulary, his folks would be so so impressed. I mean wow. Still that's 3 more words than he said when we were there!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 15/02/2013 17:40

Rang up today about my CSA case. Seems they have left 3 voicemails, 2 letters, two calls to his employer, now a letter.
that didn't get mentioned yesterday

OP posts:
littlemisssarcastic · 16/02/2013 10:55

How did your meeting go with your solicitor?

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 16/02/2013 12:35

It wasnt too bad but didn't fill me full of confidence. Going to try a letter first explaining regular supervised contact for two months then he can start having her alone.
I don't think it will work and the solicitor seems to think it will end up at court.
I've just been left a email stating I'm a money grabbing bitch that stops him seeing his child.
So I'm on a serious wobble and come down day! Confused Junk food, swimming with DD and a duvet day for us.
I never ever stopped him seeing her or said he couldn't see her. I feel so sad again that it's come to this.
On the plus side I am getting out more socially. Playgroup, swimming, a baby shower and a meal tomo night. Been asked on a date but no chance of that.
Me, DD and our dog will do.
Thanks for asking how it went

OP posts:
bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 16/02/2013 12:43

Make, remember what I said about the digs? He's trying to undermine your strength, and you are not going to let him ok? You know what he says is lies, so ignore it. Leave the money bit to the CSA and the communication to your lawyer. And then enjoy your DD as she's worth your energy, not him.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 16/02/2013 13:26

Well you know that's not true, don't you? You want him to be part of your DDs life and took her to see him two days ago, a visit during which he didn't interact with DD or ask about her, and turned down the opportunity to spend an extra half an hour with her. You've seen a solicitor in an effort to encourage him to see her regularly.

With regard to the CSA, you are entitled to financial contributions from your DDs other parent. That money is to help you raise her.

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.