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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so upset regarding contact.

999 replies

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 26/01/2013 13:50

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

OP posts:
littlemisssarcastic · 13/02/2013 20:56

Make If it gets too much, and you feel you need to leave, I think it would be best if you took DD with you, rather than left her with your mum, your xp and his parents.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 13/02/2013 20:59

Ahh glad you brought that up as its something that's bothering me if I'm honest.
I'm just going to sit it out. Can I read my disarming the narcissist I mean a nice romcom chick lit in the corner whilst having all the flowers arriving for me for valentines to my table?

OP posts:
littlemisssarcastic · 13/02/2013 21:05

I think it would be best to sit it out. You don't want to be going off somewhere and returning to find your xp has taken DD back to his parents without your knowledge, and your mum is just sitting there on her own. Sad

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 13/02/2013 21:14

Oh no they would never be taking her away but you are right Smile

OP posts:
flow4 · 13/02/2013 21:27

I'm off to bed Make, but I just wanted to pop in and say good luck for tomorrow. :)
This time tomorrow, you'll know you can handle this! Grin

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 13/02/2013 21:30

That's very kind and means alot to us, have a nice sleep Smile

OP posts:
ProphetOfDoom · 13/02/2013 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 13/02/2013 21:46

Well the solicitors fri morning for advice as this can't go on.

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 13/02/2013 22:13

Make just wishing you luck for tomorrow. I'll be at work but will be thinking about you and look forward to an update later tomorrow.

Be aware that he is likely to ask you for another visit as he'll think you'll be intimidated and won't refuse if he's there in front of you. As you're meeting the solicitor on Friday, just say something along the lines of 'I can't commit to that day yet, I need to check our diary so will let you know.' If he pushes, just repeat and throw in a possible baby clinic or HV visit as the reason why you will have to confirm later on.

Don't tell him you're seeing a solicitor whatever you do - he may get aggravated at that. I'm glad you're seeing one though - make sure you write a list of things you want to ask and tell them everything - write it all down if it's easier. Don't forget to inform them how he screamed at your DD to shut up etc as it gives an insight into his temperament and tells them why you want supervised access for now.

Good luck!

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 05:33

Thank you kitty.
I have now been up since 4am. I just cant sleep, nothing on my mind.
I'm willing DD to wake up for cuddles and playing (see I'm feeling strange)

OP posts:
anonacfr · 14/02/2013 08:43

Good luck for today! Keep strong and don't let him bullshit you. Good to hear about your mum will have your back - she sounds like a v shrewd lady.

NotGeoffVader · 14/02/2013 09:09

Hope today all pans out for you MakeIt. Plenty of people here have offered excellent advice so I'm just going to gently cheer you on!

BambieO · 14/02/2013 09:10

Good luck Flowers

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 10:41

It's lovely that you have thought of me this morning I'm touched. I'm keeping busy for the moment.
Trying to keep my humour up can I go dressed as vicki pollard as the are very middle/upper class Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 14:21

Argh! They are going to be late now.

OP posts:
anonacfr · 14/02/2013 14:27

Who cares? Don't let it get to you try to enjoy the day with your mum and DD.

catinboots · 14/02/2013 18:41

How did it go Make?

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 18:59

There was no conflict. They were over a hour late. With no apology. He did not say a word no hello, no goodbye.
Wouldn't change her nappy, did feed her. It got to 5.45 and his parents were being really nice so we offered them a extra half hour and he said he didn't want to- to just take her.
No conflict though.
My heart is still beating like a drum, but my mum is very proud of me.
Dd didn't let me down and smiles are reserved for me and my mum only ( oh and a waiter!)

OP posts:
catinboots · 14/02/2013 19:11

Well done you

ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks
WineWineWineWineWineWineWine

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 19:13

Thank you Smile couldn't have done it without your support

OP posts:
NotGeoffVader · 14/02/2013 19:15

Well done you!

He's still a tit!

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 14/02/2013 19:16

Smile Well done make, that was brilliant. You could not have done more or showed better how willing you are to make the relationship your ex has with your DD possible. Everything else now falls to him, and if it fails? He only has himself to blame.

Your mum is right, we are all proud of you too Flowers

anonacfr · 14/02/2013 19:16

Well done!!!!

What an arsehole. It sounds like the visit was for his parents's benefit rather than his. Oh well. His loss.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 14/02/2013 19:26

He just sat staring at the floor.
Mum us having a rant now. They didn't ask one question about DD. like what does she eat? How does she sleep? Etc
Assholes

OP posts:
ProphetOfDoom · 14/02/2013 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.