To be bewildered by folk who claim that motherhood has made it impossible to go to the loo alone? Why?

[Snog]

What ridiculous nonsense is this?
Just
go
to the loo
alone

The toddler (3) follows me to the toilet. He likes to see what I have done

I get a clap and I am told I am a big boy. It wouldn't surprise if he starts holding up paper with a score on it soon

My mum cant go to the toilet alone. I even talk to her

I had 3 under 3 at one point (2nd baby was twins)as a sahm and the only time I didn't get to loo on own was when twins very tiny and I wasn't absolutely sure 2 yrold ds1 (un dx autistic at that point) wouldn't smother them. However, he was fine and I always left them. I breastfed too. I also managed to read a lot of books and watch tv in my years at home.

But...not all babies are the same and not all parents are the same.

My babies had huge naps until they were 4.
I can wait hours for a wee if necessary.
My babies were, on the whole, happy to be left.
Parents of twins have to get used to a bit more crying than average(double the noise?), especially if they have siblings to attend to as well: so I think I was hardened to crying.
I am happy to let chaos reign around me and read a book for 10 minutes-I can literally ignore all noise if I need some head space.

All of these things mean't I could go to the loo/shower and so on.
Would never judge those who couldn't because I'm blessed in many ways and have lower standards in others.

YABU

girloutnumbered that's normal too. There's a very wide range of normal!

rooneymara, I'm not in the UK and here the midwives show people how to shower with the baby. DS wasn't born here, so I didn't get the lesson and never worked it out! I think there might be instruction videos on youtube.

Wow really? Cool

I bet he would cry though. He blimming cries at everything. likes him really

But he must sleep at some point. Of all the babies I have been around, none of them have needed to be carried around at all times. Some have been clingy, whingy, bad sleepers.

I really am amazed and like ceeveebee said, is this the babies or parenting. I suppose if you can't stand your baby crying for a second then you will have to carry them around.

Not all babies sleep lots, ds1 never did. As I said if I put him down he would scream to the point of vommiting, he did this up to about 9/10 maths old. He cried he puked, he coughed too much he puked. He didn't sleep much and needed entertaining but we did baby signs but he then learn to talk before he was one as and was out of nappies and talking in sentences before 18mths, he was a big boy so people thought he was 3yrs plus when hge was 18mths. He was hard work as a baby but from 12mthsonwards was a delight, he is now 13 and has lovely moments.

My next four have never been quite as hard work newborns but all had their moments.

Apart from ds4 actually who has always been a chilled baby and slept brilliantly. I imagine had I had him first I could have been a smug 'just put them down/babies sleep all the time etc' type parent.

But he was no 4 And i just realized had got lucky that he had a more laid back personality.he has more than made up for the easy going early days now tho! He was quite a trying toddler and is now 4 and a delight but has his moments!

All babies are different, all parents are different.I don't care what others do particularly, just don't see the need to be smug and judgemental to other parents.

Of course he sleeps sometimes. It's very unpredictable when, and in terms of how long he does it for, it's rarely more than say half an hour before I have to pick him up again.

if you're determined to judge me and convince yourself that it's because I cannot bear to hear him cry for one second, then there's not much I can say really is there. FGS.

Rooney I didn't mean at three weeks. I mean when people complain at not being able to leave older babies/toddlers - is that due them never being left alone even for one minute for their whole lives?

I suppose with my twins, as defineme says, they just get used to being left sometimes. And have each other for company. So in a way it's easier (until they start fighting!)

Thanks Ceeveebee, yes I get what you mean.

I don't know the answer. I always went to ds2 straight away before he cried, usually, and just fed him = happy baby, back to sleep etc. Now he's older I leave him sometimes, he's incredibly secure, very confident, things that worry ds1 just wash over ds2. I don't think I've caused any insecurity by just going to him at every little wriggle/sound. I think he's just a confident child for whatever reason - maybe born that way, maybe I helped.

I do go to ds3 when he cries. Of course I do, he's clearly struggling, and I want to help or at least be there while he deals with whatever pain or upset he's feeling. I have a feeling ds1 was quite clingy as well but not this bad - he's not confident, he gets very worried and panics about various things. He's 9 now.

So it's a mystery. I certainly haven't coddled or fussed any of them - I've not had the time or energy to! And I don't treat them like precious little things who need protecting from the horrid world...just instinctively as my babies, who are precious, but no more than any other baby. and I am quite a stroppy mum to the older ones!

Some babies/toddlers suffer really badly with separation anxiety, a normal developmental phase, my dd went through this and at 2 yes is fine but often if I go off to do something she will call 'mummy where you' and then come looking, she will find me, say hello and then wander off again.

Ds2 and ds3 were both very happy to go off exploring but for a while kept me in their line of vision. At toddler groups they would crawl off then I would see therm stop and sit up and scan the room until they saw me, then they would smile and then continue with their exploring. Occasionally coming back for a cuddle or feed etc.

Ds4 was more about independent and so is did she goes off and gets on with her own thing.

But my elder ones are 13, 10 and 8 and all fine now. Can be left alone in the house, elder two can go off to town. Ds1 goes off to the city, to the cinema, blazer quest, gets buses/trains etc on his own and ds2 is gradually doing more in preparation for high school.

Their needs as babies and how responded to them has not led them to become dependent or incapable or spoilt.

ds always just wandered in when he was a toddler

I remember being in the local zoo .. went to the loo ... ds wandered into the ladies .. with dh hovering at the door saying come back here with me

There was a considerable gap under the door which ds wriggled under just to be with me .. to lots of gigles from ladies in the queue and acute embarassment of dh

Mine are 8 and 5 and still follow me! I don't think they even realise they're doing it. They see I'm not in the room and end up upstairs somehow, asking what I'm doing.

Mine were easy babies so easy to go then but once walking there was no escape. If I did lock the door little fingers would poke under and wave while little giggles floated under the door. It never bothered me if they came in so mostly the door was unlocked.

If I'd had a crier I can see how you'd not want to leave them while you pee. Surely less stress to just plonk them on the bathroom floor rather than trying to pee at the speed of light!

Wait until your toddler walks in on you 'changing' and asks loudly if you have pooed!!!

I did that to my mother loudly in a shopping toilet when I was young , cruel irony!

Rooneymara you definitely don't have substandard parenting or baby! Please don't take this thread to heart, if you like your baby to be with you then that's lovely

I was just trying to say (in a clumsy way!) that all babies and parents are different and each to their own! I don't judge because I wouldn't like others to judge me.

While I am happy for my baby to have a whinge there is a real clear distinction between his whinge and his 'cry' so I am happy to wee in peace whereas if I was in the bath and he cried I would be there like a shot so I don't blame you.

It sounds like you have had a hard time of it and I did say to my DH just yesterday (not to be patronising more in amazement and in awe) that I really don't know how people with no help such as a partner don't tear their hair out sometimes! Can you tell DS was having a whinge day

Keep doing what works for you, you can be smug in a year or two when your DC are fully potty trained and all of us 'wee in peacers' have babies who try and wee in the plant pots hahaha

Oh Bambie that is so nice of you...don't worry, I am overtired and oversensitive at the moment, I take everything personally! I know you didn't mean anything by it x

I was in the toilet last week and this little arm came under the door. I was quite to see it belonged to the cat

havent the time to read all

but agree with the op

and also the ones that cant possibly manage to clean the house with a baby or toddler there and need a cleaner

and ive heard this many a time on here,dear god

Babies, just possibly, but an 8 and 5 year old would be given a firm no and be told to wait in our house. Each to their own, I suppose, but I enjoy my privacy and expect it to be respected

I found myself having a moan to my DM about not being able to go to the loo in peace, whilst following her into the toilet.

I'm 33 she's 70.

And fwiw, I do go to the loo on my own fine, but I enjoy my toilet trips at work so much more...

rooneymara I bet you are, it's a tough old ride this parenting business but as we all agree its most definitely worth the work! I hope that you get some rest and some support soon, even the best mothers (and I am sure you are one of them) need a break sometimes! Even just to have a nice bath like you say or even indulge a little

Good luck and keep going, sounds like you are doing fabulously

YABU. Depends on the child really- dd1 I probably could stay on the toilet for an hour and they'd be no problem. Dd2 and ds1 I wouldn't turn my back on them for A MINUTE let alone leave them unsupervised whilst I wee'd who knows what trouble they'd get into.

Its easy if you have young kids and live in a house. Stair gate means they cannot follow you up (unless you have downstairs loo I guess). But if kids are old enough to be able to safely walk upstairs alone then I see their point. I do recall my brother and I always 'needed' our mum as soon as she went to the loo, and one of always needed the loo when she was in the bath lol. Must be a tad annoying.

My DC are all under 3 so can't follow me up yet, however they do all decide that is the time to shout/scream/push other one over so they cry so I have to literally push my wee out as quick as poss.

I prefer to go to the loo with company. If I don't take said company with my I have to ensure all doors and windows are shut and locked and the keys removed. It's actually easier and safer to take dc with me.