To be bewildered by folk who claim that motherhood has made it impossible to go to the loo alone? Why?

[Snog]

What ridiculous nonsense is this?
Just
go
to the loo
alone

My 1 yo follows me, she bangs on the door and wails. If i don't let her in, she gets her 4 yo to open the door. She comes and sits on DS's old potty seat. Yesterday they were taking photos too.

...some people have partners who use the toilet whilst they are in the bath

I just sicked in my mouth a little bit.

And comparing a baby going to the toilet with you to them playing with a cleaver or breaking glasses is stupid.

One will hurt them, the other damages something, neither are good things to allow a baby to do. Taking them to the toilet with you doesn't hurt anyone or cause damage to something.

My children certainly don't get their own way all the timne, I am actually pretty strict tbh, very clear boundaries on what is acceptable behavior but with babies and toddlers its about picking your battles, time this one wasnt worth the bother and certainly hasn't meant that they grow up to be little brats that get their own way all the time.

who saying about therapy? It's not a big deal to me - ds likes the room it's full of stuff, he's not allowed in alone. I either take a shit alone and he cries because he is pissed off or inlet him in depending on my mood.

the seventies argument is daft. just because things happened or didn't happen in the seventies doesn't mean we do it forever.

my mother gave me sugared tea in a bottle whilst wearing flares.

On another note, isn't defecate a horrible word.

This thread bewilders me too. I had no idea this was a thing.

I'm bewildered too. I just used to plonk mine in their cots when I went.
If they cried, they cried. Wasn't a big deal to me as it was only a short time/

I think the choices people make around this can be put down to child personality (how clingy and/or destructive they are when left alone) and parent personality (more or less bothered by crying and/or potential damage to house/child by being left alone, more or less bothered by toileting alone).

To me toileting alone is not really important (although would not be entirely happy for strangers to see me on the loo). It's not some horrible secret to harbour. We all have bodily functions! DS can come in when I'm in the toilet (he did almost always when younger - he followed me everywhere), but the mostly doesn't now (he's 3.3). I still leave the door ajar. I'm trying to remind DH to leave the door unlocked so that DS can come in with him if he wants, as well, so that he doesn't think that only women go to the loo. Or that men going to the loo is somehow more of a disgusting secret

DS not potty trained yet, as he's just not interested. I'd actually LIKE for him to come in with me more often so we can chat about pees and poos to try and get him interested in it! If I was to shower when he's up, he'd want to get in with me, which is fine, as well, but will take longer. So, if I'm not in the mood for a long shower, I will save it for when DS is in bed.

But then again, I'm Northern European. You can put this "being relaxed about body issues"- business all down to that, if you wish to see it as abnormal.. Although I'm half Southern European, as well. So maybe not!

Maybe that's the difference Masked. I never plonked my DS in a cot.

We had a downstairs loo, so when he was immobile I left him where he was.

He was always happy enough.
I grew complacent.
He became mobile.
He followed me to the toilet.

YANBU. If someone wants to use the toilet alone, there is always a way. I've always used it alone; when DS was small I'd put him in his swing or whatever and when he was older I'd lock the door. He's 5 now and will knock. If he needs something, sometimes I'll let him come in, otherwise I'll tell him to give me a minute. Depends on my mood. :)

I've never been particularly bothered by his tears though. Well, his crying out of pain or fear devastates me of course! But tears because he doesn't always get what he wants don't affect me.

YABU to care what other people do, though. If someone is genuinely worried about safety or doesn't mind an audience, it's no skin off my nose.

Scheherazade my hat's off to you. I had mild pnd and that was terrible enough! I'm so glad you're enjoying your little guy. :)

5Mad I hate the nexus autocorrect too! Soooo sensitive!

I just went to the loo with an audience of four cats, a toddler and DP who decided to discuss weekend plans. Boundaries? Never heard of them.

I have never let them in the toilet with me. What's the problem if they scream for a few minutes? There's nothing wrong with them, they're just annoyed because they're not getting their way. Tough cheese kid. Now they're older they might forget the rule and knock to ask something random, then they get the reminder "we do not talk through doors, you can wait until I come out." They're learning .

I really don't get how people can say they are not "allowed" to go alone - who is the parent?! What else will they let their toddler dictate to them about?

Our loo is upstairs and ds isn't allowed up on his own so he can't follow me. Besides it's not typical or polite to follow someone to the loo so he's been taught from a young age that if someone says "I'm going to the toilet" you leave them alone. Screaming at someone for needing a minute to pee alone is not behaviour i would tolerate from anyone over the age of 2 (barring sn). It's rude and unnecessarily demanding and letting a child behave like that doesn't make sense to me. Ds has known from about 18 months that i will leave now and again for the toilet and there's no point screaming.

Fucking hell. I've a 7 week old and I had no idea I was meant to breastfeed him while taking a shit. The more you know!

why is it a hygiene issue to hold a baby while you're on the toilet? I know washing your hands and wiping etc might require them being put down - but not while you're just sitting there surely?

This thread has reminded me that ds1 used to get very panicky when I went in the loo with the door shut. He used to kick the door. He was about 3.

fwiw my 3wk old gets upset a lot- he isn't just cross, he's afraid, or in discomfort and if I put him down he usually cries. I feel better when he is not crying so I take him with me. It's not like it's more comfortable to leave him crying - that's an awful racket to bear and makes me worried about him, that he'll vomit, choke etc. I'm not being a martyr. To leave him crying would be worse.

Eaglets brilliant.

Well of course people CAN. Let there not be confusion between cannot and choose not to.

I cannot sprout wings and fly
I choose to not eat sprouts

You can, should you wish to, go in, lock the door, and just do it. This may mean that the child screams their head off. But that does not mean that going to the loo alone is a physical impossibility! It just means they'll cry. You can still choose to do it.

But you are taking people literally when they say they can't.

They don't mean that it is impossible as in physically cannot be done. They simply mean that it's easier to let them in, rather than have them screaming. Or that they can't go in peace because the child is banging on the door!

They mean they can't do it - and here's the unspoken bit - without it being a really big deal to the child and so it's just easier to let them come in cos they don't want to have to deal with the banging or screaming.

I am not trying to be a cow or anything, but it's not difficult to understand what people actually mean when they say they 'can't'.

I want a work eaglet! :)

Hecate, you're right. I choose not to. Having my toddler see me having a crap was much more preferable to all the crying (and potential destruction!). For what it's worth, he's never had an issue with constipation so it's all turned out nicely.

Oh and I had no idea people got 'bewildered' by such insignificant stuff. I don't give a shite if other people's children accompany them to the toilet or not, or if they moan about it. I certainly don't feel bewildered by it.

There is a lock on the door, I mainly choose not to use it. Mine are 2 and 3.