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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that mumsnetters don't like men very much?

231 replies

examiner99 · 25/01/2013 13:57

I'm new to mumsnet and thought it would be a great place for positive mutual support, but I'm aghast at how many 'I've lost my man so let's encourage some other poor woman to ditch hers' posters there are here. People are not perfect, men or women, so why is everything the man's fault? (I am a mum by the way, in case you were wondering...)

OP posts:
Pigsmummy · 26/01/2013 10:51

I am quite new to MN and was shocked by some of the anti men comments tbh.

TrampyPants · 26/01/2013 10:57

What like?

Mners don't like abusive wankers, but, as I said earlier, I've never seen "anti men comments" in 7 years.

Pagwatch · 26/01/2013 10:58

I have been here bloody years.
I don't recognise the idea that the site is anti-men

Perhaps people see what they want to.

TrampyPants · 26/01/2013 11:02

Paggy, yep. Awful lot of projection etc.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 26/01/2013 11:08

There are a few women that don't like men full stop. To these women, men are all twatty, child support dodging, slobbish, selfish, pigs.

I for one am not one of these types of women. And I'm glad.

swallowedAfly · 26/01/2013 11:15

who are 'these types of women' then sowhat? perhaps you could name a few

SoniaGluck · 26/01/2013 11:18

I haven't been on here for that long - 6 months, maybe? And I haven't noticed a significant anti-man vibe.

Anti-selfish bastard vibe? Definitely.

I have noticed that there are a few posters who appear to dislike women.

TrampyPants · 26/01/2013 11:18

Equally, there are many men who don't like women full stop. Occasionally these men find their way onto mumsnet, where they are sent on their way with a flea in their ear.

I know men like this. I don't know any man-hating women though.

TrampyPants · 26/01/2013 11:20

Sonia, yep. Somne posters think that women should put up with an awful lot to hold onto their man.

Pagwatch · 26/01/2013 11:27

I agree Sonia.

I think that there are more horrible posts about post menopausal woman than any other group on here. And MILs
And school gate mums.

Which is kind of funny when you think about it.
Certainly some women seem not to realise that they will hopefully be old one day and possibly a MIL too. I suspect they would hope for kinder treatment than they dish out.

(that is not to deny that some mils and old women can be horrible. I am talking about sheer volume of mean postings in the 'old hag touched my baby with her hands! style)

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 26/01/2013 11:36
Biscuit
SoniaGluck · 26/01/2013 11:55

Trampy Ah, well, apparently any man is better than no man. Hmm

Pagwatch I have noticed some unpleasantness towards older women, and remarked on that, once or twice.

I don't know why older women are considered 'fair game' in that way by people who are generally respectful to every other group in society.

TrampyPants · 26/01/2013 12:02

Sonia, exactly. There was a thing on fb about how women can avoid being raped. You know, not drinking, wearing provocative clothing etc... DH was hugely offended by it, and the assumption that men are children who can't control themselves. Ditto this "oh well, he's a man. Just part of being male" attitude that keeps women in shitty relationships.
And yy to the older women attitudes. I love my MIL, she's wonderful. Some threads on here make me very sad, I just hope that ds's future partner and I have a good relationship.

MurderOfGoths · 26/01/2013 12:05

Can someone tell me when it's safe to read MN again?

AnyFucker · 26/01/2013 13:15

Probably never. When this thread ends there will be another and another...

MurderOfGoths · 26/01/2013 13:16

I think I'm going to run out of needles..

swallowedAfly · 26/01/2013 13:31

note the lovely single=bitter cliche in the op too. how lovely.

found out the male bar props in the local pub think i'm a man-hater - it seems being single and happy must mean you hate men Confused i actually asked them about it and they were like well, you said you were happy on your own and weren't looking for a boyfriend. i think the fact i don't flirt with them and hold my own in a conversation rather than simpering coquettishly = rabid man hater in their minds bless them.

weird world! i love men - i'm just fortunate to have had some lovely ones in the past and wouldn't settle for less now.

swallowedAfly · 26/01/2013 13:32

maybe i should start a thread on all the weird attitudes and assumptions people make about you when you are single and happy in your thirties and all the crazy stuff people say to me.

swallowedAfly · 26/01/2013 13:34

"you wanna get yourself on t'internet - that's how people do it these days'

'a new job? i bet you meet the man of your dreams - did you know x% of women meet their husbands at work'

'i just can't understand why you are single, all the boys fancied you at school'

etc.

cory · 26/01/2013 13:37

the only circumstances under which anti-wankers posts = anti-men posts is if you accept that all men are wankers

can you imagine a more anti-men stance than that?

I think this thread is ending well: it is encouraging more and more of us to think about the wonderful men in our lives (past and present) and the wonderful men we are hoping our ds's will grow into.

Now that would be a bad outcome to any anti-men brigade that might be lurking- but I'm not sure there is one lurking.

MurderOfGoths · 26/01/2013 13:41

SAF I was single (on purpose) for 3 years. People couldn't seem to get their heads around the idea that I might actually like it. Lots of comments asking what catastrophe had happened to make me feel that way, or trying to help me find someone to restore my faith in men. It was totally beyond them to believe that I was actually happy!

SoniaGluck · 26/01/2013 13:43

Trampy -Now that is a myth - the 'uncontrollable male sexual urge' Hmm. The men I know seem to be able to control themselves just fine.

As far as MILs go, I have 3 sons and I share the hope that I will be able to get on well with them (if any one of the ds can drag themselves away from the Xbox long enough to actually form a relationship [bwink])

swallowedAfly · 26/01/2013 13:48

ah yes i recognise the 'what happened to you' line of questioning murder

ermm well i think what happened was i got a bit older, settled down in a dull area of the country and stopped meeting gorgeous, talented, funny and fun young men who made me laugh and go at weak at the knees. i reckon that's what did it. the only fish in the sea being bitter divorcees who want to go on about what a witch their ex wife is really dented my sex drive Wink

Thewhingingdefective · 26/01/2013 13:52

I'm new too and agree there are plenty of people here with strident views, not just about men. I find attitudes and opinions here rather refreshing on the whole and don't see it as a site full of man-haters.

TrampyPants · 26/01/2013 13:54

Cory, I agree. It'll also piss off the lurking graders/misogynistic. Win, win Imo!

Sonia, same here. I have met rapists, they controlled themselves around other people, the reason they couldn't when alone was because of them. Their choice. Nothing I could have done different.
And wrt ds, he has a crush on catwoman and zooey deschanel. I doubt any woman could ever match up. But, at least he respects and likes women and girls. He was given somegrief by the boys in his class for playing with a girl. He asked them what the difference was and why they were so scared of girls, ending with "at least I know how to talk to other people". He also told our newsagents off for Stocking the sport, etc because it was "not respectful and rude andgirls aren't toys"

I am very proud.