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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think that having 8 DC by 3 different fathers may well have a detrimental impact on the DCs?

379 replies

StuckForAUserName · 24/01/2013 20:08

Especially as the first two fathers are not in the picture anymore so the 3rd husband is bringing up someone else's 6 DC and then a further 2 have been added to the household Hmm.

The mother is effectively a single parent anyway as the latest DH is away a lot in the military. The oldest 3 are in boarding school though so there is only 5 DC full time at home. This is a middle class family btw not a family of 'benefit scroungers'. The mother states that 'her kids have a decent dad and will all be fine'. AIBU in thinking that it's terrible?

OP posts:
HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 17:58

Rhonda,

Of course, why on earth would you think that I would think otherwise.

Ovaries removed?

I'm unsure of what your point is?

Mollydoggerson · 25/01/2013 17:58

All the judging, regardless of how well or how badly thought out will do nothing to change the situation. All you can do is work with the situation at hand and support your family and loved ones. Support them as much as you can.

We all have issues, all we can do is reach out and help others where possible. The judging doesn't help anyone.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/01/2013 18:00

IMHO Pursuing love and happiness is always a good thing, and is rarely done at the expense of one's own children, because they are usually the ones we love most Smile

HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 18:00

Gordy,

My comments about future lives of children are judgy?

Go give google five minutes, it is overwhelming.

HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 18:01

Juggling,

In an ideal world of course, but the blue birds are twittering.

LittleMissStupid · 25/01/2013 18:01

I would not want my children to have different fathers. If DH and i split i would not have any more.

I know it is wrong, but I can not help but look down on parents who have children by 3 or more partners. I dont know why, i just dont like it.

gordyslovesheep · 25/01/2013 18:02

I have no idea why you are taking my comments as a personal attack but as a post graduate qualified, successful woman who had a single parent mother I think statistics are shit - poverty, as had been pointed out, is the main key factor :)

acceptableinthe80s · 25/01/2013 18:04

Bullying? oh please, i was simply answering a question that you put to me Hillary.

Hillary -'I am full of hurt, pain and sadness'
-'I know, I am not sad or lost either'

Just 2 of your contradictive comments, i think you should just stop now.

HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 18:05

Gordy,

In your own situation, of course, more power you!

However, I don't believe that this debate is about single mothers but rather parents that go on to have more children with more partners.

rhondajean · 25/01/2013 18:05

Hilary, I greatly fear you are using this thread to justify your own choices.

Not playing any more, I respect your choices and you have done what you think is best for your own child. However that does not mean that other people who have made differ choices have not taken their own children into consideration. Many people may feel they are able to be better parents when they have a balanced life of their own, when they do not focus on their children 100 per cent of the time but allow them to thrive and grow a little under their own steam, and when there are more people in their life for them to love and to love them back in return. Also when they are able to observe a loving, mature adult relationship which they can then model their own future relationships on.

Btw I am like Hecate, married to the same man for 14 years and two biological children who are both of ours, so I have no personal axe to grind here.

SPsFanjoIsAsComfyAsAOnesie · 25/01/2013 18:06

My mum has 7 to 3 different fathers. Mine and my brothers bio dad didn't want to know.

She got with the man I call dad and who adopted me when I was 4. They had another 3 children

After 16 years together they weren't happy and split. My mum now has 2 to her new husband.

Look down at people in similar situations all you wish.

It has fuck all to do with anyone.

HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 18:06

Accept, you little beaver,

I am hurt and sad at my own break up but I am not sad not lost in view of my future, you little Miss Marple you.

HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 18:09

Rhonda,

I'm not sure that I would entirely agree about choices but you have got me there.

Allthesanityinme · 25/01/2013 18:12

Miss Marple, Beavers what is Mumsnet coming to?

For what its worth I don't think this family are anything to do with any of us so we should all keep our opinions to ourselves and go eat some haggis [bgrin]

FreudiansSlipper · 25/01/2013 18:13

why complicate you life so much

all that as long as the the children are loved and cared for that is all that matters. its not that simple really people are more complex than that and theo children may actually want to know their biological fathers maybe they do not but that is for them to decide (unless there are safety issues around them knowing their fathers) if you have had children by 2 different men and the relationships have not worked out leave it as that

i would love another child i could have one with someone i really do not love we would soon break up (which could happen anyway) but why risk that just because i want another baby, what is best for ds has to be priority

The same applies for men too and no father should walk from his responsibilities away but just because he has does not mean you need to try out a few other men and have more children with them before you find one that sticks around. but we live in a society that judges women more than men and most children do live with their mothers once the parents have separated

JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/01/2013 18:14

ooh, yes please sanity Smile

HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 18:15

I agree with you Allthe,

I stand guilty of projection.

rhondajean · 25/01/2013 18:19

I've already had my haggis [bgrin]

You know, most of us are just doing thr best we can. There are definitely a few exceptions, some of them very noticeable, but most of us are trying to make things the best we can.

peace and love, peace and love

Callmedoe · 25/01/2013 18:22

I agree with Allthe too, how wonderful to have peace, dignity and harmony for a change on Mumsnet, its a breath of fresh air indeed

LittleMissStupid · 25/01/2013 18:30

i agree it has fuck all to do with me, and i dont give a toss what people think of me and what i get up to. I was simply stating how i feel about the whole numerous dads thing.

HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 18:31

and what of the mothers that see benefits as meal ticket,dissposable fathers...
as if this doesn't exist.

Moominsarescary · 25/01/2013 18:36

Ffs you say the thread is not about sp then keep bringing them up.

SPsFanjoIsAsComfyAsAOnesie · 25/01/2013 18:39

Moomin Of Corse its about single mothers. Didn't you know every single mother does it for the millions you get on benefits and just uses men as sperm donors?

Id rather have many kids to different dads that still bother with them and are brought up happy then have a few kids to the same man who isn't fussed about them.

People will judge no matter what. They always find something

HillaryClitoris · 25/01/2013 18:40

Did I mention Sp's?

Andro · 25/01/2013 18:41

8 children, 3 partners and the 3rd partner is away a lot with the military...everything about that description screams instability to me.

Why are the 3 eldest at boarding school? If it's because of partner 3's job then that is sending a questionable message.

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