to think that having 8 DC by 3 different fathers may well have a detrimental impact on the DCs?

[StuckForAUserName]

Especially as the first two fathers are not in the picture anymore so the 3rd husband is bringing up someone else's 6 DC and then a further 2 have been added to the household .

The mother is effectively a single parent anyway as the latest DH is away a lot in the military. The oldest 3 are in boarding school though so there is only 5 DC full time at home. This is a middle class family btw not a family of 'benefit scroungers'. The mother states that 'her kids have a decent dad and will all be fine'. AIBU in thinking that it's terrible?

The 'my new DH loves my DC as his own' posts are wishful thinking

I agree. Very naive.

It seems a lot of women see themselves as broodmares waiting for the next stallion to come along.

I think you are right to worry, but if you read more on MN, you will also read lots of people having the opposite problem, many women trying to get feckless dads to keep contact with their children. So I don't think you can extrapolate your situation to a one size fits all - I mean, were you prepared to be a good father to your ex's existing child? Don't other children deserve a father figure in their life too and don't other women - and men - deserve the chance to have a good relationship?

I agree they need to think it through carefully and I agree they need to be careful. However, you also agreed to marry this girl quickly I take it, I know you have learned, but everyone can make a mistake. As I'm sure you will agree.

What a nasty insulting thread.
My dh is donating a kidney to my ds2 who was in his late teens when we met.
He probably doesn't feel the same about him as his own child but that doesn't mean he's a negative in their lives.

Callmedoe sorry but your name is SO cammeltoe

And couldn't you say we all have a unique relationship with every other person in our lives ?

Wow, after reading this thread my heart is beating really fast in anger and shock! I have 3 DC, my eldest is from a previous marriage. I worry that people judge our family and clearly from this thread they probably do! It's just sad and quite shocking.

In reply to Rhonda,

Yes I did, I was 'dad' to him, my name the whole works.

I haven't seen him since my cancer diagnosis although I do have a court order stating that he can see me regardless of his mother's wishes.

ledkr,

why do you find this a 'nasty insulting' thread?

Flicks,

I can empathise.

whisky plus google equals: [www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21030083]

Because people are making massive assumptions about mothers and children LIKE MINE is that so difficult for you to understand?

My mother has 7 children by 2 dads - one of who is not in the picture any more.

Stop ebing so fucking jugdemental.

summersontheway oh no you di'nt!!

The more variations on family there are, the more people will stop making a silly fuss about it. The heteromonogamous nuclear family 'ideal' was never much good for women, its main beneficiaries were always men, who got to own a female for domestic work and breeding, and who were officially the rulers of the household. Women gaining more autonomy meant that more of them would reject husbands who are unsatisfactory. All the anti-single-mother propaganda is really about men's fear of having to do their own domestic work once women have options other than remaining in horrible marriages because they are financially dependent and not allowed to be otherwise.

But the real villains, who somehow rarely get mentioned, are the serial impregnators, The men who have children with several different mothers that they neither see nor pay towards the raising of. These are the men obsessed with proving that their cocks work and determined to own and control both women and children: when the woman stands up to them, they discard her and the children and try again elsewhere.

You know, I read through this thread thinking, bet Hillary is actually a man with a grudge and what do you know.

I agree Solid lot of rubbish - why is no-one starting a thread about serial impregnators and the appalling consequences of their selfishness?

As for the awful comments about "wishful thinking" what a load of spiteful nonsense.

Mind you I suppose these are the same people who cause such misery and upset in families by (for example) treating adopted children as less important than "real" children. I'm using that example specifically because there have been a couple of threads about that on MN recently.

In answer to the OP, I really don't see the problem. Firstly, blended families are nothing new and secondly, as long as children are treated well and loved what's the problem?

Well said SolidGold.

OP, are you Claire Khaw?

why is no-one starting a thread about serial impregnators and the appalling consequences of their selfishness?

I have thought about it. But I am sure it would derailed by Page 2 by menz and otherwomenz.

It would be called, ''Why does society prefer lone mothers to claim some benefits from the state and then to vilify them than for the fathers of their children to pay more than a small percentage of their income toward their children's living costs?"

But it wouldn't fit in the thread title box.

Depressingly LineRunner I reckon you're spot on.

Actually, change the "think" to "know".

Or rather "reckon" to "know" .

I think people need to be very careful about making assumptions here, people have children by different Fathers for many different reasons.

flippinada at least one person in the world knows what I mean.

I've been around here long enough to know who talks sense and who doesn't, LineRunner .

Well, I may post that thread one day. Here's a good one:

'Why is the father of my children entitled to make a new family or families without particular redress, financial or moral, but I am not?'

Oooh, men, eh?