to think that having 8 DC by 3 different fathers may well have a detrimental impact on the DCs?

[StuckForAUserName]

Especially as the first two fathers are not in the picture anymore so the 3rd husband is bringing up someone else's 6 DC and then a further 2 have been added to the household .

The mother is effectively a single parent anyway as the latest DH is away a lot in the military. The oldest 3 are in boarding school though so there is only 5 DC full time at home. This is a middle class family btw not a family of 'benefit scroungers'. The mother states that 'her kids have a decent dad and will all be fine'. AIBU in thinking that it's terrible?

if this were a man who was looking after all his 8 children, because his first 2 dw's ficked off leaving him holding the babies and while his 3rd wife works away, he would be seen as a bloody hero!

ficked?

oooh i may have just invented a new swear word [proud]

Am I the only one who is a little confused by the comment this is a middle class family btw not a family of 'benefit scroungers' ?

What difference does that make, would you not think it was 'terrible' if she was, as you so eloquently put it, 'a benefit scrounger'? Or is it only 'terrible' because the situation involves a 'middle class' family?

Or perhaps being in an abusive relationship & being lucky enough to get out and have a second chance with someone lovely.

He obviously wasn't 'lovely' because she didn't stop with no2.

I have two dcs by two fathers. I knew when exH and I split up that I wouldn't have another; even though the plan was to have another at the time. I wanted three really, I am one of three so maybe thats why

For this reason I only date men who already have one or two dcs themselves, I'd never want to be in a situation where I had a partner who further down the line wanted a child. I just don't want to have three or more by three fathers. In my own view two is one too many enough.

I appreciate thats just my opinion though and wouldn't/judge others for their choices.

having children with a man, separating, having children with another man, separating, having a children with another man...it must be incredibly tough on all the children involved

I couldn't agree more.

If I ever split from DH, I am not having any more children. I will focus on the children I already have.

i have 2 by 2, i also have a lovely grandson now but if i meet another partner i wouldnt rule out having another im still young and fertile, and its nobodys business but mine, i dont live my life to please society, there is no law about how many children you can have to different men

however i do think it should be a criminal offence for men to father children then fuck off and not support them financially

im still young and fertile

And that's all that matters? It would appear so.

having children with a man, separating, having children with another man, separating, having a children with another man...it must be incredibly tough on all the children involved

We shouldn't judge other people as most people have said, but there is no denying the above.

who said thats all that matters? dont put words words into my mouth dear

of course its not all that matters, being finacially stable and able to provide a loving home is what matters most, i am in a fortunate position to be able to provide both of those things so why shouldnt i have another child if i wanted too?

I find it extremely selfish and MammaTJ I hope your DC agree with you when they are adults.

that is a horrible thing to say to anybody and i loved how you OP said this auntie was not a benefit scrounger as if that was to be expected of them if your cousins are cared for and loved then I don't see it as a problem, many children are brought up with the same parents and have a truly awful childhood with many issues as adults

Am I the only one who is a little confused by the comment this is a middle class family btw not a family of 'benefit scroungers' ?

I didn't go un noticed by me either,

I don't think the benefit comment is confusing at all! These threads always start with loads of assumptions that the family can't afford all their kids and must not work or be scroungers. I think the op was avoiding that by making the financial situation of the family clear.

yabu for saying benefit scroungers/
so glad I am not related to you op

YAB judgemental but fwiw I grew up in a blended family with half and step brothers and sisters and although it worked out fine it isn't what I would ideally want for my own children.

If DH and I split I cannot see myself having any more children with anyone else in any circumstances but of course he could always choose to do that, taking the decision out of my hands.

Life isn't ideal is it, you just have to work with what you have.

Why must it be incredibly tough on the children?

having children with a man, separating, having children with another man, separating, having a children with another man...it must be incredibly tough on all the children involved

unless they are living on the streets or being abused in some way, why?

I'm still delighting in the assumption about single parents.

yabu You are being judgmental. The women could have 8 kids by one man and they could all grow up miserable. You just sound like a gossipy old woman.

I don't see why it is any of anyone else's business, presuming they are all cared for and fed. Moralistic bollocks.

fuckadoodle - surely if the OP's concern is that 'having 8 DC by 3 different fathers may well have a detrimental impact on the DCs' the financial situation / social class is irrelevant. Or does the impact on children of a 'benefit scrounger' not matter? I personally can't see how having more, or less, money makes a difference.

Having said all that the term implies that anyone on benefits is a 'scrounger' and is therefore a wholly inaccurate statement to make. So I would have probably commented on it anyway...

she sounds like a feral single mother chav

JAIL HER!!!!!!

I think it incredibly sad that several posters have to ask how the OP's situation might be tough on the children.

Do you not think it is hard to watch your parents split up? I don't know the circumstances of the OP's aunt, but with separation the children may experience:

antagonism between the parents, use of the children as "pawns" to hurt each other, seeing one or both parents a lot less, shuffling between homes, financial hardship, moving, and the introduction of new boyfriends/girlfriends.

Now times this by two or three. How incredibly stressful for a child.

A lot of you are saying, "life happens." If that is the case, then this woman has been incredibly unlucky - but much more likely I think this woman is not good at picking suitable partners, and is not learning from her past mistakes. And her children will suffer, because they do not have stability, do not have contact with their fathers (except for the youngest two), and are "raised" by a man who prefers the children he fathered to the rest. Perhaps they are well fed and clothed, but that does not make up for a broken home.

Hence my earlier comment about boarding school perhaps being a good place for them.

As Holly points out, this would have been a normal situation in any time of human history up until after the Second World War. Spouses died, the remaining spouse was expected to remarry as soon as possible after the fixed period of mourning in order to provide a family for the children (and, if possibly, more children).

Letmeatthewine. I wasn't arguing the ops case, but pointing out why she would have mentioned the financial situation, even though you would have thought it would be obvious.