to think that "The Undateables" is voyeuristic and wrong?

[Bogeyface]

I have only watched part of one show as H put it on, I watched some of it and left the room in disgust. Am posting this as a trailer just reminded me.

Last week a young man with ASD was on there, and because he didnt understand how to behave or what to do when connecting with other people, his mum had texted him some tips. He memorised them and then did his best. It was horrible. He got it very wrong at times, and my heart went out to him because he was trying so hard. He was on a date with a young lady with learning issues and they were struggling to relate to each other.

Now dont get me wrong, I think that any programme that highlights the difficulties that anyone with (forgive me) "difficulities" faces is a good thing, but this wasnt presented like that. It was, to me at least, presented as "lets laugh at the thickos"

I have a son with cerebal palsy who I thought for years would never have an adult relationshp, so I accept that I may be very biased, but it just feels very wrong to me. Not the concept so much as the presentation.

PS DS is about to move in with his NT GF, who is wonderful and adores him but she doesnt take excuses and has taken him from a "I cant help it, I am disabled" teen into a "I am disabled, but thats your problem not mine" adult :)

[Catchingmockingbirds]

And everyone else on this thread that have heard people mock the show, mrsjay, they have very uncaring friends too? I don't understand your mentioning of your support worker sister who loves the show? I have a son and stepdaughter both with disabilities and I hated the show?

[mrsjay]

Funny how people form opinions on something without taking the time to actually watch it!

that is what I was thinking

[mrsjay]

I don't understand your mentioning of your support worker sister who loves the show? I have a son and stepdaughter both with disabilities and I hated the show?

I was just trying to point out that there are people out there who are trying to help people with disabilities live a life like everybody else, sometimes disabled people are hidden away as non people with out feelings my sister works every day to avoid that,

[FreckledLeopard]

I think it's a really thought-provoking, sensitive and compassionate show. I watched the last series and this one too.

I think it does a lot in terms of dispelling prejudices and also, you get a sense of each person's personality, regardless of the disability. Some of those on there are likeable, others not so much. The show highlights the individual, not the disability.

I think it's really eye-opening and challenges a lot of prejudices.

[mrsjay]

nobody on this thread mocked the programme No one

[BeaWheesht]

I haven't read the whole thread but I don't find it intrusive or voyeuristic.

If people laugh at it then they'd laugh at it however it was edited / titled and tbh then were into the realms of not having people with disabilities on television.

Fwiw I find it unbelievable that there's a channel 4 programme called 'embarrassing fat bodies'. I don't find this show anything like as offensive as that.

[pigletmania]

I like the Programme it highlights te difficulties that people with sn/disabilities face when dating (my dd 5 has ASD) so watching with interest. I often wonder wether she will find that special someone, settle down, Mabey get married. It's something that arents with NT kids don't hav to worry too much. I hate the title by te way, it's very negative and implies that people who have sn are not desirable or should date

[Binkyridesagain]

The title is 'The Undateables' because (I believe from the interview) that is what the people who took part in the show decided on. (This is from memory) they chose that title because that is how they are perceived by a large number of people and also in some part how they perceive themselves. The title sequence changes and the 'Un' part is dropped and the title becomes 'The Dateables' it's so show what the programme is about, that people with disabilities are not undateable, that they do want relationships, that they do want to be with someone.

[threesocksmorgan]

yanbu
the title is sick, I don't watch it as I find that offensive.
my dd is not undateable

[RandallPinkFloyd]

I absolutely love it. I've been hooked since the very first one.

I think if anyone knows anyone who mocks it surely that just tells you that those people are twats?

Surely to goodness we've moved on from the days where people with sn were hidden away "for their own good".

[mrsjay]

OH Binky well thought out oh I see where ch4 are coming from , from the participants themselves, DUH @ me never even thought about it being that,

[threesocksmorgan]

yes lets just call them "undateable" instead....

[mrsjay]

where people with sn were hidden away "for their own good".

you would think eh , some people are still of the frame of mind that these people need protected from 'nasty people' these people put themselves forward for this programme,

[ResolutelyCheeky]

I walked past whilst they were filming tonight's episode so have to watch to see if I got my 5 secs of fame.
The filming was done very quietly and everyone seemed lovely.

I have watched it because it highlights people's lives and issues that I may not have previously considered.

I do not like the title but I guess it had the impact they desired.

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Binky explained about the title.

[mrsjay]

three you are furious about something you havn't watched

[mrsjay]

if I got my 5 secs of fame.

I will watch for the lurker

[bottleofbeer]

Yes but they knock the "un" off at the beginning to change it to Dateables. Which is basically proving it's own point. They clearly are dateable because almost all of them end up with successful dates/relationships. It's challenging the myth that nobody will want them.

Watch it and see for yourself.

[ResolutelyCheeky]

It wasn't a good day to be caught on camera trust me

[Flobbadobs]

The first time I watched it I spent the first 10 minutes squirming as it did look like a type of 'lets laugh at the disabled people' type of programme. But I kept watching and discovered that it really isn't. I think the trick is to get over your own preconceptions and open your mind a little.
YABU.

[mrsjay]

It wasn't a good day to be caught on camera trust me

you should have asked for a re take

[bottleofbeer]

Oh X post!

[mrsjay]

I sky plus so I never watch opening titles anymore

[Spero]

I would rather disabled people were on mainstream telly than not, even if there is an element that others perceive of voyerism and taking the piss. People who feel uncomfortable about it I think maybe need to examine their own feelings a bit more deeply.

I find my able bodied friends generally very uncomfortable about acknowledging any difficulties the disabled might have about sex and relationships. They tend to bat me off with a dismissive comment. I am usually the only disabled person they know.

so anything that opens people's eyes and minds is great in my book. And its fabulous twat radar - if anyone you know finds these people 'hilarious' you can cross them off your christmas card list with a sigh of relief.

[Punkatheart]

But I wanted Ray to get back with Lolita. He was adamant that he wanted to 'move on.' I felt a bit sad for Lolita.

People need to see and understand the programme before they are offended. Clever, interesting people who happen to be disabled. The perception of them being undateable is from a superficial society. This programme seeks to challenge this.

And yes, great point made earlier by Spero - that disabled people need to be on mainstream TV.

I hope you haven't had to cross any people off your Xmas card lists, Spero. Idiots who make fun of the disabled, really are stoooooooopid. Whereas the wonderfully witty autistic man:

'How many girlfriends have you had?'

'A gentleman never tells!'

Now that's someone I would be interested in having a conversation...