to think that "The Undateables" is voyeuristic and wrong?

[Bogeyface]

I have only watched part of one show as H put it on, I watched some of it and left the room in disgust. Am posting this as a trailer just reminded me.

Last week a young man with ASD was on there, and because he didnt understand how to behave or what to do when connecting with other people, his mum had texted him some tips. He memorised them and then did his best. It was horrible. He got it very wrong at times, and my heart went out to him because he was trying so hard. He was on a date with a young lady with learning issues and they were struggling to relate to each other.

Now dont get me wrong, I think that any programme that highlights the difficulties that anyone with (forgive me) "difficulities" faces is a good thing, but this wasnt presented like that. It was, to me at least, presented as "lets laugh at the thickos"

I have a son with cerebal palsy who I thought for years would never have an adult relationshp, so I accept that I may be very biased, but it just feels very wrong to me. Not the concept so much as the presentation.

PS DS is about to move in with his NT GF, who is wonderful and adores him but she doesnt take excuses and has taken him from a "I cant help it, I am disabled" teen into a "I am disabled, but thats your problem not mine" adult :)

[Freyalright]

This show is exploitive. The title is bollocks. The questioning from behind the camera is patronising.
It might work if it was led more by the daters but it seems to try and evoke pity.
I think the crucial thing to decide if it is ok, is whether it would inspire someone watching with one of the conditions. I don't think they would feel positively about it.

[Dawndonnaagain]

Me and my three undateables watch this, with their various partners.
The title was apparently chosen by those taking part, although of course it's designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator. However, if it changes attitudes, it's worth it. There will be people watching who will change their minds about disabilities, will have more empathy, will perhaps realise that there is more to people than their ability/disability.

[2tiredtocare]

All reality programmes are voyeuristic

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I like it.

But I think many many people watch it as a comedy and laugh at the particpants.

My colleague shouted out "Oh great girls, the Undateables is on tonight" to two other colleagues standing beside me. They had the good grace to cringe.

She was NOT talking about watching it as a serious documentary.

I had the misfortune to read the ARRSE thread about it too once, disgusting.

[kali110]

Love this programme. Shows that we are all the same.
None of my friends mock the people or the show

[Birdsgottafly]

I have heard to many people laughing about the people taking part, in pubs and on buses, it is particulary difficult if my totally aware DD, who has moderate invisible LD's is within earshot.

I have upset one or two people in the pub, when my DD isn't with me, by being totally honest about why the misogynic/DA perpetrator/bigoted arsehole spouting insults should have their own "undatable" show.

It's marketed as a freak show at times, I've noticed that the adverts for it varies depending when/where they are shown.

I agree that most reality shows are exploitative and people watch the to take the piss or feel smug.

I am more uncomfortable with this one, because those taking part are the most vulnerable in our society.

[LittleMilla]

My husband and I have discussed this at great length as his little sister (26) has Down's syndrome. She's desperate to find love and we have spoken about whether or not we'd feel happy for her to appear on the show.

Jury is still out tbh. Is her quest for love and long term happiness worth exposing her to ridicule by some small minded individuals? Don't know and she's not mentally able to make the decision herself, she just wouldn't understand.

It does give us hope that there are many utterly charming people (like her) that do manage to find love though.

[chandlery]

Its not my kind of programme (dating/reality) but so glad that people who have faced these challenges are getting mainstream air time. Hopefully this can be a stepping stone to more tolerance and understanding.

I have just left a sports orientated frienship group on the dreaded FB as one of the members thought it was amusing to post a pic of one of the ladies featured when on this morning with some 'witty' in jokes.

Which were defo not funny!

[Owllady]

If people are making fun of it they need to start watching it with their brains in gear
What are these people frightened of exactly?

[formerbabe]

It makes me really sad...I always want them to find love and they never tell you at the end what happened next.

Its hard enough to find a suitable partner when you have no disabilities so must be so much harder if you do.

[Ubik1]

Why shouldn't disabled people appear on TV in this context?

[Owllady]

I don't understand why they shouldn't either. I can't see how the questions are patronising either. Some people on the program have communication difficulties and require straightforward questioning, it's not patronising. I am sure Daniels parents for example, would not have encouraged him to appear if they felt their son would be exploited either, they were brilliant advocates for their son, helping him to fulfil his life despite his differences

[tiktok]

I loved the programme. I thought it treated people with LDs - actually only Daniel and his date on last night's show - as individuals. Daniel was asked if it was tiring, to have his communications problems, and he said it was.

I thought they were all great - loved Mary's confidence and her great fashion sense and her teenage son was fun, too.

[Freyalright]

I don't think the people involved shouldn't be on tv. I think a genuine documentary on any of the daters would be great. I think the narrative and the way it's constructed to create an entertainment show. A show used to sell advertising.
I'm sure Daniel's parents could have sort out the dating agency with out the cameras being there and the production company placing demands on him.

[Wuxiapian]

I Like the show.

My DS is Aspergers and I found myself smiling to myself in parts.

They have disabilities, yes, but, are people with hopes and desires - what's wrong or voyeuristic about sharing that?

[Owllady]

I don't think Daniels parents sought out the media interest either, but why not agree? Daniel is a lovely, kind young man. The program showed that.

[InaneNameChange]

I found that the show almost mocks the people that DO have prejudices about disabilities. Not the people who have 'disabilities' themselves.

I've only watched it a few times and really enjoyed it because the people on it were so genuine and hoping to find love, or at least it was edited that way.

[2blessed]

I think its the title that I have the most problem with. It screams of sensationalist tv. There is nothing wrong, however in shining a light on a section of our society who are normally hidden from mainstream programme making.

[Mumraathenoisylion]

I really like the show. I'm not keen on the title either as it is quite derogatory and I'm sure it's just to get viewers but still I think they could have chosen something a little more respectful.

I don't see the issue, why shouldn't all people be given the opportunity to find love on tv or off it. Do those thinking they should do it quietly and in private think that if you have a difference, special need or disability that you should live all of your life secretly?

[Owllady]

I don't like the title either, but I did notice this series shows the title and then drops the UN

[Lilacroses]

This is one of our favourite shows. The people featured are fantastic. I think it's brilliant to show that people with disabilities are dating too and have largely the same concerns as those without disabilities . I remember this thread from last year and but quite a few more challenges. I was really shocked to hear that people ridicule the participants. I
That's not reason to stop showing it though, just because of some repulsive, ignorant twits.

[Lilacroses]

Sorry post got oddly scrambled!

[Lilacroses]

Come to think of it when do you ever see disabled eople on TV doing normal things? Almost never.

[LittleMilla]

Hijack slightly: who would be happy for one of their loved ones to appear on this show?

[FariesDoExist]

Oh, I took the title totally the other way, i.e. as a sarcastic poke at anyone who actually deems these people to be 'undateables' because you'd have to be pig-ignorant to think they that they are?

I saw the first series and I really liked it. It was an eye-opener to realise that, actually, finding a 'soul-mate' is really really difficult for some people. A lot of the characters were so loveable, I got sucked in to their 'plight' and desperately wanted to see them fall in love! There were humorous moments (as there are on most dates) but I never, ever sat there laughing at anyone for being 'stupid' (the thought that anyone would do that makes me feel sick). I found my self completely empathising with them and willing them to succeed in their mission to find love.