to think that "The Undateables" is voyeuristic and wrong?

[Bogeyface]

I have only watched part of one show as H put it on, I watched some of it and left the room in disgust. Am posting this as a trailer just reminded me.

Last week a young man with ASD was on there, and because he didnt understand how to behave or what to do when connecting with other people, his mum had texted him some tips. He memorised them and then did his best. It was horrible. He got it very wrong at times, and my heart went out to him because he was trying so hard. He was on a date with a young lady with learning issues and they were struggling to relate to each other.

Now dont get me wrong, I think that any programme that highlights the difficulties that anyone with (forgive me) "difficulities" faces is a good thing, but this wasnt presented like that. It was, to me at least, presented as "lets laugh at the thickos"

I have a son with cerebal palsy who I thought for years would never have an adult relationshp, so I accept that I may be very biased, but it just feels very wrong to me. Not the concept so much as the presentation.

PS DS is about to move in with his NT GF, who is wonderful and adores him but she doesnt take excuses and has taken him from a "I cant help it, I am disabled" teen into a "I am disabled, but thats your problem not mine" adult :)

[bialystockandbloom]

Watched last year and refuse to watch this year. At very, very best if could only produce a feeling in viewers of "oh bless them, aren't they sweet, look at them wanting to find love just like anybody else [for which read 'normal ' people]."

It's the perpetuation of people being 'they', 'them'.

At worst... I can't bear to think about it.

The title is repulsive. I doubt very very very much that any of the participants with learning difficulties/autism contributed to that

Its a freak show masquerading as enlightened.

If people really are interested in learning anything about the lives of disabled people and their families they'd be welcome to make a fly-on- the-wall doc in my house. But that wouldn't really get viewing figures would it. Nor would reality docs about 'ordinary' people on a quest for relationships, would they.

[SirChenjin]

I agree the title is repulsive - but having watched it for the first time last night after having refused to previously on the grounds that I thought it would be another grim reality programme, I really didn't get the sense that they were out to patronise or make a 'freak show'.

[shona372]

I agree that the title is not right however, it is one of my favourite programmes. I find it so heartwarming. Some of these people want to share their stories with us and they deserve to be heard.

[LucyLasticBand]

yes and on this occasion their partners appeared to be genuine. that Jet is particularly lovely but you do wonder, well the last year's episode and one of the partners you ended up wondering WHY did they go through this? just for TV exposure?

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

It's also a real problem too.

My school friend is wheel chair bound since 22, her boyfriend left her three years ago, she has basically consigned herself to "the bargain bin" as she calls it. She knows that few normal bodied males would want to go on a date with her, she easily can't have sex (paralysed), and has to deal with the mbarrassnent of double incontinence. The only websites she's looked at have focused on "devotees" ie people who actively want a disabled partner. You also have the obvious problem (in her shoes) of being physically v v vulnerable combined with probably putting up with more than you might if you had more confidence to walk away. Her confidence is really low although she's beautiful, witty and has a v good job. I say she should just put herself out there but she's only just beginning to pluck up the courage now.

[pigletmania]

I totally disagree, apart from the title, it us a fantastic programme, featuring a bunch of people who happen to have disabilities, who are looking for a date. Like any other dating programme really! Very we'll made, very frank and candid. My dd 6 has ASD so It's good to know how things might be as she gets older. I think that people who view this negatively are those who gave little or no experience with disability.

[persimmon]

I agree OP. I also feel a bit about Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners.

[pigletmania]

I think some attitudes towards disabled people and their behaviour on here are quite negative. Would there be this accusation of the programme being like a 'freak show' or voyuristic, if it did not feature those with disabilities it's sad that some feel disabled people should be hidden and not allowed to be in the forefront. These people on the show, seemed like they were able to decide for themselves, and give their own consent. The show I felt was very well made, it did nit mock the people, just simply showed their experiences of looking for a date, though the title could do with an overhaul.

[pigletmania]

Totally different to obsessive compulsive cleaners, but those on that programme gave their consent and were able to.

[LucyLasticBand]

i feel about obsessive compulsive cleaners as well.
what sort of crazy idea was that.

but then that is channel 4. voyeurism is that bodies programme. we all look and stare.

but the programme in question does seem to be well made and doesnot appear to be a freak show.

[LucyLasticBand]

i just have reservation about the people that date the undateables. and hope they are genuine.

[pigletmania]

I am sure they are, like any other person looking for a date, you would want them to be genuine! Some of the people use a dating sight specifically fir people with disabilities.

[BrawToken]

I like it and I spend most of my life with people who have Learning Disabilities who also like it. It reminds me of the 'X Factor is exploitative' stuff when actually loads of folk I have met would have loved the opportunity to get on TV and sing in front of Simon, who was always bloody lovely to the people who I, perhaps wrongly, identified as having a disability. Why shouldn't people who want to go on telly and make a tit of themselves regardless of their ability. Some of the most amazing people I have ever met have learning disabilities.

I honestly think they have done a good job in stark contrast to Benefits Street. I wish channels would make more programmes like this which demistify folk who are in any way different and then we can all just get along without the need for labels etc.

Society has been through a period of great change following the NHS Community Care Act in 1990 with the closure of long stay hospitals etc, allowing people to all have the same dreams, aspirations and (hopefully) opportunities. I (perhaps naively) think this type of programming reflects this.

[BrawToken]

And I HATE the name.

[herethereandeverywhere]

Well said Braw Token, particular your first post.

I'm a bit at some posters upthread who have assumed that the people featured cannot give their consent to be on the programme nor understand its implications - THAT is a huge assumption and prejudice.

Also the implication that TV programmes about disabled people should only be about how difficult it is to live with and care for them bothers me. I don't deny these difficulties exist but this programme goes some way to address the fact that people with LD and disabilities are just 'one of us'.

[checkmates]

I have watched the programme in the past Not entirely comfortable But will give it another go

[BrawToken]

'Capacity' is the most infuriating and over used word I hear these days herethereandeverywhere! That and 'appropriate'. I would rather assume someone is able to make choices and be proved wrong (obviously there are some exceptions) and that if someone thinks they are being 'appropriate' (again with some obvious exceptions) then so be it. And I don't give a shit if the scowling old lady (it's always an older lady!) on the bus disagrees!

[perlona]

I like the show. The name starts as the 'undateables' before dropping the 'un', it wasn't declaring them 'undateable' but that they saw themselves that way due to facing a lot of prejudice and were now allowing themselves to be 'dateable' by putting themselves out there.

I thought the show was filmed sensitively but honestly as well. I really think that the type of sick fucks who would mock any person on the show for their differences will also be mocking every disabled person who crosses their paths in public. Rather than hiding disabled people to 'protect' them from ignorant shits, deal with the ignorant shits. They're the problem.

If people were responding to a show about racial or religious minorities with offensive hate speech, the police would be investigating, society does not tolerate racism, it should be equally intolerant of disablism.

[pigletmania]

I have just read through some of the posts on here, the prejudice and stereotypes within those posts astounds me. These individuals were able to give their consent and wanted to rake oars in a programme about dating when you gave a disability. They are not children to be hidden away and 'protected' from the big bad world, how patronising! Apparently they chose the title, which the un is dropped to read 'date able'. It's designed to be thought provoking and elicit discussion. If you found their behaviour uncomfortable to see, and should not be shown on TV, that's your problem nit theirs, they are entitled as anybody else to date and wasn't to make a programme about it!

[pigletmania]

Take part I meant

[pigletmania]

Yes it is sunshine, so far this recent series has been sensitively and thoughtfully made. Obviously the contestants do, and it is there decision to take part in the programme

[stillenacht]

Have just watched the first episode on 4OD and absolutely loved Daniel. My son has low functioning autism but is beginning to speak and I hope one day he will function at the same level as Daniel. Watched it in tears of hope

[nkf]

I think they have chosen a lovely bunch of people. I think some viewers probably are horrible and sneery when they watch it. I don't know anyone who is, but I'm cynical enough to believe some people might regard it as a freak show. The people on there are usually very thoughtful and optimistic. I don't like the show much but then I don't really like that sort of show.