to think that "The Undateables" is voyeuristic and wrong?

[Bogeyface]

I have only watched part of one show as H put it on, I watched some of it and left the room in disgust. Am posting this as a trailer just reminded me.

Last week a young man with ASD was on there, and because he didnt understand how to behave or what to do when connecting with other people, his mum had texted him some tips. He memorised them and then did his best. It was horrible. He got it very wrong at times, and my heart went out to him because he was trying so hard. He was on a date with a young lady with learning issues and they were struggling to relate to each other.

Now dont get me wrong, I think that any programme that highlights the difficulties that anyone with (forgive me) "difficulities" faces is a good thing, but this wasnt presented like that. It was, to me at least, presented as "lets laugh at the thickos"

I have a son with cerebal palsy who I thought for years would never have an adult relationshp, so I accept that I may be very biased, but it just feels very wrong to me. Not the concept so much as the presentation.

PS DS is about to move in with his NT GF, who is wonderful and adores him but she doesnt take excuses and has taken him from a "I cant help it, I am disabled" teen into a "I am disabled, but thats your problem not mine" adult :)

[InaneNameChange]

LittleMilla I'd be happy as long as my loved one was, and they would be able to handle the ensuing public attention.

I had always thought about this show that in general people have criteria about dating such as must have money/must have own home/blah blah so it was approaching dating from a different angle and challenging our perceived views. E.g. on one show a disabled man went out with a privately educated graduate but she appeared to be the shallow one and not entering into it from a genuine desire for love and companionship.

The people shown have such a huge heart and seem so optimistic of finding love that I've really enjoyed the series that I've seen.

Another hijack: who does the intro music...? I really like it but can't find out who it is by.

[wetaugust]

YANBU I hate this program.

[SirChenjin]

I watched it last night after previously refusing to - the teen DCs watch it and I assumed it would be the same as all the other reality rubbish they watch, but I was wrong. I didn't feel it was voyeuristic or patronising - it showed another part of the lives of disabled people or people with different conditions that is not normally shown on TV. I got the impression that the show was made very much in conjunction with the people taking part, and found myself willing them to find love and happiness.

Jet was bloody gorgeous - Mary's a very lucky woman!

[ladypete]

YANBU. Even the name makes me

[LittleMilla]

Inane - that's the slight problem. My dsil has no idea what 'fame' or celebrity really means. I guess that the young man with autism last night would be the same.

For those with LDs it's the family that has to decide whether the search for love is worth exposing their loved ones to all of this.

My question is very genuine as we (her family) are thinking about putting her forward but are unsure if it's morally a fair thing to do.

[NiceTabard]

I have never watched it because the name of it is just so bloody awful.

[Kundry]

A long time ago I worked as a helper on an 18-30s holiday for people with physical disabilities. Dating was a huge issue for them and we spent a lot of time helping people swap rooms and position themselves in bed with one another as it was, well, an 18-30s holiday However many of them were clearly never going to date anyone not disabled and it was a cause of great sadness. I remember one very bright girl with cerebral palsy who had paired off with another guy we all thought was a loser - she told us 'Who else will I get?'

If you asked most of them how they described themselves, there was a culture them appropriating disablist words for their own use - so the most common word they used about themselves was cripples (usually shortened to crips). Not unlike rappers using the word nigger or gay people retaking the word queer.

I can absolutely see some of the people I met their wanting to appear on The Undateables and it's a title they would have loved and come up with themselves.

It isn't up to us to like the title or not, the disabled people appearing own that title and if they like it, the non-disabled should really STFU.

[NiceTabard]

Kundry the people who make the program "own" the title.

I dislike the title intensely as I feel it is offensive. Thus I have chosen never to watch the program. Which is my right. I have no qualms about my decision.

[Mumraathenoisylion]

Little my db has special needs. Unfortunately he has no awareness of his future or interest in the other sex in that way. I would do it in any other case though because even if the show didn't bring any interest the publicity may in a difficult dating world.

If my dbro did have awareness I would absolutely go for it but that is because he would be happy with any attention in a positive way. I think it would be a bad choice to make if a person had sn and wouldn't like attention from people they didn't know, that is another aspect to consider.

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

I don't know how any parent can watch it without a full heart....it must be so hurtful to see your child struggling to find a mate. Yes, the voice overs patronising but they always are regardless of genre.

[LittleMilla]

Mum - I think she'd love the attention tbh!

The thing that bothers us all are the fuckwits that find it humorous. Saying that, these same people are the ones that will stare unashamedly when out in public too. Ignore, ignore, ignore!

[Mumraathenoisylion]

Exactly Little I know the looks you are talking about! I used to get so angry about it when I was little. Those people will unfortunately be the same tv show or not I think.

[herethereandeverywhere]

I haven't seen the new series - yet. I saw some of the last series and the trailer for the new one. I find the name of the show uncomfortable - but - can view it as challenging society's perception of the people featured. I see it as "The Undateables? [Just see what we can do!]".

I know that things don't always go to plan, or are cringeworthy (aren't they for everyone to some extent in matters of dating and love?) but I love seeing people seeking love, finding love, looking for the best in others and I find the attitudes of the people featured truly uplifting, particularly in the face of their additional needs and the difficulties they face. How hard they try, how hopeful they feel, the joy of finding love. It's just lovely.

Years ago I did voluntary work with adults with learning difficulties (various difficulties including some of those featured in the programme). I loved my time doing that and have such fond memories of the members of the club that I helped (I do keep in touch and my family still help out although I moved 250+ miles away ) so I guess in some way it reminds me of them and their romances and tiffs and love interests. - I guess what I'm trying to say is it is possible I'm projecting my fond memories onto what would otherwise be uncomfortable viewing, I'm not sure.

I am sure that there are some that will use the programme as a 'point and laugh' exercise but I'm not sure that's a reason to not show it. Having people with learning difficulties on TV, getting more media exposure will, IMHO dispel myths and 'normalise' what is to some - ignorant people - 'abnormal'.

[InaneNameChange]

LittleMilla there will always be a minority who mocks ANYONE in the public eye. Celebrities or politicians aren't immune.

I would hate to be in the public eye! She shouldn't really get too much adverse reaction but it depends if she understands that there might be some, and can coast it as much as possible.

[LittleMilla]

I suppose the good thing about dsil and many others with LDs is that they don't really understand much of the staring or other negative attention. They are fairly oblivious most of the time.

Still not sure. Will see if they're doing another series and see.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

My DD has the best self esteem of anyone I have ever met. So far everyone is nice to her and praises her so she thinks she is awesome (she is).

Long may it continue.

[promote]

there were funny bits like the deathly silences when they had nothing to say , it happens to everyone , i fail to see where it was lets laugh at the thickos or how it is voyeuristic and wrong .

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I think it has the potential to be unpleasant and freak show-esque but that result isn't actually the intention.

Rather, it's intended to show the Everyman on the street that people with disabilities have the same hopes,desires and needs as the able.

I think, especially given that it's channel 4 that it is done quite sensitively.

Particularly with regard to Daniel, the young man with ASD, there is no way his parents (who came across as being wonderful parents) would allow him to be involved in a programmes that was openly mocking him.

The lady with dwarfism is 44 years old, a grown woman with her own teenage child. I didn't get the impression she was inclined to be made a fool of, ever.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

"Thickos"?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

"Thickos"?

[Wessex]

I watched this programme last night for the first time and completely fell for Daniel. He was so lovely and gorgeous too. I would definitely have gone on a date with him if I was 20 years younger.

[2tiredtocare]

I loved Daniels mum and dad as well, a lovely couple themselves

[CrohnicallySick]

Daniel's date reminded me of a boy with ASD I work with, his standard defence mechanism is "I'm all right" just like she said when Daniel asked for a kiss.