to think that "The Undateables" is voyeuristic and wrong?

[Bogeyface]

I have only watched part of one show as H put it on, I watched some of it and left the room in disgust. Am posting this as a trailer just reminded me.

Last week a young man with ASD was on there, and because he didnt understand how to behave or what to do when connecting with other people, his mum had texted him some tips. He memorised them and then did his best. It was horrible. He got it very wrong at times, and my heart went out to him because he was trying so hard. He was on a date with a young lady with learning issues and they were struggling to relate to each other.

Now dont get me wrong, I think that any programme that highlights the difficulties that anyone with (forgive me) "difficulities" faces is a good thing, but this wasnt presented like that. It was, to me at least, presented as "lets laugh at the thickos"

I have a son with cerebal palsy who I thought for years would never have an adult relationshp, so I accept that I may be very biased, but it just feels very wrong to me. Not the concept so much as the presentation.

PS DS is about to move in with his NT GF, who is wonderful and adores him but she doesnt take excuses and has taken him from a "I cant help it, I am disabled" teen into a "I am disabled, but thats your problem not mine" adult :)

[TroublesomeEx]

But he only said that Punk because his mum had told him to. I think at the start of the programme he read out a list and he'd had around 17 girlfriends.

He wasn't being wonderfully witty, he was saying it because he asked his mum what he should say if the lady asked questions and she told him to say it.

I'd rather have a conversation with the real him rather than the one his mother was instructing him to be!

[TroublesomeEx]

I'd have preferred it if his mother had told him to tell the truth.

But then I have big problems with people keeping secrets in relationships and thinking they can do what they like as long as they never "tell" and it never gets found out.

I could feature on my very own episode of The Undateables. It would be a brave foolish man who took me on now!

[Punkatheart]

Good point...I may have missed the beginning so missed some crucial info...

Folkgirl, I am completely undateable. Lymphoma which makes me exhausted, seriously depressed teenage daughter, frothing fury over desertion by ex. I bet you are lovely.

I loved Steve...but he too young for me. I like kind. Kind is under-rated.

[msrisotto]

I wouldn't criticise his poor mum, she's only trying her best to help him get through a date!

[mrsjay]

I wouldn't criticise his poor mum, she's only trying her best to help him get through a date!


this she was just trying to help and advise him,

[TroublesomeEx]

Hey not criticising his mum!

Just explaining that it wasn't a comment designed to hide his embarrassment over never having a girlfriend, nor him just being witty.

[TroublesomeEx]

And the other stuff about secrets and lies. Well that's a personal thing.

[miaowmix]

I liked it, it really surprised me and challenged any ingrained prejudices, and I would also happily date the young man with tourettes (if I was 20 yrs younger and single) .
I thought initially it might be patronising or point and laughy but it really wasn't.
Plus someone made a v good point upthread about simply portraying people with disabilities on tv makes it more the norm, which must be a good thing, I hope?
If anything, it dispels fears.
I think the programme makers hearts were in the right place.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

I have only watched the first series but I think it's more positive than negative. The people who feature in the programme might help the viewing public to see the person rather than their disability.

My brother's advanced muscular dystrophy means that some people can't see past the electric wheelchair. Luckily the lovely woman he married a couple of years ago was not one of those people.

[bottleofbeer]

People with down's have seriously made me think we were all born lacking a chromosome, it's not them with an extra one. Imagine how much nicer the world would be if everyone had such a lovely outlook on life. I know it's not true of all of them, but most IME.

[chocoluvva]

My teenage daughter and I really enjoyed it.

The vulnerability of some of the participants really came across. Educational, touching and entertaining IMO.

[Kafri]

I can't remember if I've posted this or just meant to post it and didn't...
(Baby brain)

The title was decided by the people who were featured in series one, so how can it be offensive to others on their behalf?

[pigletmania]

Yabvu would you have said this if it was just a show about the highs and lows of the dating scene, and nt people going on dates, probably not! If it involves people with sn or disabi,ities it's somehow a freak show or voyeuristic . I have watched the programme trough the series, it is bth enlightening, informative and endearing. The people on it are just that, people not defined by their disabilities. I was pleased to see some adults with Autism on it, my dd (ASD) is only 5 but I do wonder if she will have an independent life, go on dates, live independently, have a job. Seeing real people with disabilities manage this has made me realise that this could be possible.

[pigletmania]

Exactly polter goose, like saying they are children not capable of living te life of an adult, and should be hidden away. This is rude and very patronising as this show shows the opposite.

[drjohnsonscat]

I saw a bit of this last night and although I hadn't intended to watch it I found it interesting and also educational for me, quite honestly. I missed a part of it but I was struck by the girl with downs syndrome and the chap she met (don't remember names). She was someone you wanted to watch. Truthfully, I was also struck by how she was living her life, her skills and her sophistication. I know that makes me woefully uneducated but I'm glad I saw the programme so I can see a bit more about someone's life that I hadn't understood before. This is a hands-up really - I'm confessing it gave me an insight into people's lives that perhaps I should have had before and didn't.

Not sure if I saw the same episode as everyone else though

[pigletmania]

No drjohn we all watched the same one, some people think negatively of the programme as it features shock horror eople with sn/ disabilities doing what everyday nt people do, going on dates. Like they are incapable of having adult feelings or emotions, that they are like children who should b protected from this, ad hidden away. You wat to educate oeople about sn/disabilities this is te way to do it, by bringing it public and to the forefront

[chocoluvva]

It's definitely educational.

The reaction of viewers probably says a lot about the viewers.

[Cherriesarelovely]

I think it is a brilliant programme. I think the participants are portrayed with warmth and sensitivity. It's a way of showing that, like everyone else, people with learning disabilities or who are perceived as "different" in other ways also want to find love. This might be something that has literally never occured to some people. I am sad to hear that some people have heard it being discussed in a derogatory way though. Hopefully many more viewers have found it informative and touching.

[Punkatheart]

I got a bit tearful over this one.....it was the innocent and the loving comments made by - was it Kate, the redhaired girl? I loved the poem she wrote and then the grin 'That poem worked.'

In a crap, deceptive and complicated world, this breathes sense and tenderness.

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

As the parent of a learning disabled and autistic teenager I wasn't sure if I could bear to watch the programme, precisely because I didn't want to be shown how difficult it is for those with special needs to meet partners, and because I was worried it would turn into a 'freak show'

In actuality I found it reassuring, moving and very positive..and has given me hope that with the right support, my son will find someone! My DS2 is gentle and loving and wants a girlfriend, with none of the social skills or independence needed to just go out and meet someone.. but I will be looking at the sort of dating agency when the time comes and I thought the programme was very nicely done.

[Punkatheart]

That's lovely to hear Medusa. We all want our children to be happy. Gentle and loving are such beautiful qualities. I also thought how wonderful the parents were in the programme. I am looking forward to the next one.

Good luck to your son! The dating game is never easy but isn't it great when it works?

[TroublesomeEx]

I watched it last night and I really enjoyed it.

I thought Kate was amazing. She seemed so confident and self assured and then after that chap seemed a little reticent on the whole commitment front, she released the love poem on him and it worked!!

I don't watch a lot of the programmes of this nature because I do find them a bit voyeuristic. But I don't think this falls into it at all.

And listening to people, men and women, just saying that all they wanted was to fall in love with someone and get married, looking for 'the one' without any of the angst I am filled with was really heartening.

And Oliver seemed lovely. I suspect I'm probably a bit too old for him though!

[Punkatheart]

Also, Twitter - which can be a very harsh audience with some real idiots - has been incredible. It has opened people's eyes and they are moved by the programme.

[ShamyFarrahCooper]

Watched last night and I didn't think it was voyeuristic at all.

I was really shocked to hear how Damian's confidence was knocked because of how people reacted to his condition. I was also surprised when his dating agent said it would be 'really difficult to find him a match given how he looked'.

I loved seeing how happy Oliver was, which stemmed from doing something he really didn't want to. I thought he was really brave.

Kate was just a bundle of smiles, infectious ones.

I like the programme and would be quick to complain if I felt they took advantage