To wonder why the fucking world is filled with spiteful rude fucking bitches who are bitchy with every given moment?

[BITCHdumbBJTCH]

My dd was unplanned. She was born a month before our first wedding anniversary. I felt amongst all other emotions really embarrassed I conceived so quickly after marriage. Comments from family members saying things like "oh you couldn't wait could you?!!" And "your little one wanted to come along quickly eh?!!" Didn't help with my embarrassment.

Fast forward 6 years, but dd is 5 now. I just had a phone call from one of my sil's friends, who for some fucking reason has my phone number instead of hers. I haven't seen her or met her for about 10 years. So this is the little gem this woman comes out with whilst laughing uncontrollably :

"I found out you were married and had a baby really quickly. I mean how old is your daughter now?"

Fucking fucking cunt bitch.

All those insecurities I had about having my dd quickly came rushing back. This fucking bitch has 4 sprogs. FOUR. Who the fuck does she think she is? The baby making police? Fucking bitch.

[if I'm being unreasonable just tell me gently, as I have serious pmt right now so might not be viewing things properly]

Look, once you have a baby people generally know you've had sex.

So you're upset because people think you have sex?
Because that's wrong and embarrassing? again.

One of the most unpleasant posts I've read on MN.

Reminds me of the poison spewed by Regan in the Exorcist

Could you rise above it and deflect her by smiling sweetly and saying "Yes we were SO lucky to have my daughter so quickly. We're very happy." That way if she sees she is not upsetting you one bit she won't get any pleasure out of being bitchy.

OP

Ok, you have over-reacted and accepted that. We all do from time to time.

But you must address your extreme hostility towards your SIL and her pal. The sexism in your posts is just horrible. Read back your first post and imagine your words describing any other woman.

You really do need to have a think about why you use such vile language when you are cross.

YANBU for being upset at receiving a deliberately malicious prank phone call (if that's what it indeed was - it all sounds a bit bizarre and childish and motive-less).

However, YABU around what seems to be your deep-rooted shame around being perceived to have had sex. It would appear that you are ashamed about people making any reference to the conception of your DC.

I do understand to a point. When I discovered I was pregnant I found a few male relations' comments a little embarrassing (they were alluding to the conception, i.e. "well done son!" to my DH etc). However, you must realize that you are kidding no-one by trying to imply that you are sexually inactive. People knowing you've been "at it" with your DH is an unavoidable (but embarrassing) "side effect" of people seeing that baby bump .

Wow, nice language. Hope you don't speak like that around your child.

Seriously tho, you got married and had sex, big deal. Find some real problems to bitch about.

Woah. Weirder and weirder.

OP

You SIL and her friend may well be really nasty. There are loads of ways to describe them without sinking to horribly outdated, sexist name calling.

Try on these for size:

obnoxious
patronising
manipulative
nasty
overbearing
puerile
immature
cruel

Your post rewritten without the casual, entrenched sexism and women-hating, instead using gender neutral descriptors would, I guarantee, have got a totally different response.

HTH.

Don't give those who criticize you the time of day or let them get to you. Why care what they think about when the people mean nothing to you.

Rise above the shit and move on. Do they have nothing better to discuss than an event 6 years ago? Think of it as flattery that they wish to speak of you. Turn negatives into positives.

Excuse all the hippy woo-ness

Applauds greythorn

take no notice , the woman is an idiot, you don't have to "go at it like rabbits" to get pregnant if she had any sense she would know it only takes once to get pregnant. Don't let the silly woman make you feel insecure.

My DD was 3 months old on our first wedding anniversary. I still dont get your beef tbh

OP, can totally see where you are coming from. I wouldn't wish my SIL on anyone, I do think when it comes to inlaws Asian families are in a league of their own especially MILs/SILs, mine went out of her way to ruin my relationship with DH (her brother) that at one point we almost split up due to her meddling and sneaky ways. You can't even tell them to fuck off because then you incur the wrath of the whole clan, if your sil is anything like mine I have no doubt she is a selfish, spoilt and entitled cow. Best way I have found of dealing with her is to make sure my relationship with dh is tight and to make sure she doesn't get an "in" in any aspect of our lives.

Oh, I've recognised the OP now (or I think I have). She's posted about this situation before.

Look, I know your SiL does appear to get her status from putting you down and that makes her a deeply unpleasant, sad person, but I agree with everyone else that the only way you're going to stop it is to find your own self-worth that isn't dependent on her and her nasty little power games.

I'm guessing that it's not that you're upset by your DD being a honeymoon baby (which is lovely - so romantic), it's that she's found a new thing to have endless digs as you about, and she may be roping her friends into it.

Would it be worth looking into having some form of counselling or CBT aimed at helping you deal with the very unpleasant dynamic in the family you've married in to?

DIY that was how I interpreted it too.

I do think there's a certain irony on calling out the OP on gender prejudice, when so many posters are being extremely culturally specific and refusing to even engage with the possibility that this situation has a different resonance to someone from a different culture. Bigotry is as bigotry does, innit.

OP I'd not really understood the cultural background to your post, which has been supported by other Asian posters here. It sounds tough. I do think you need to try to remember that she is trying to press your buttons, and by letting her, she is winning, and gaining power over you. You're happily married, have a lovely child and a nice life. She can't make that less true by bitching... unless you allow her to spoil your happiness by becoming upset.

And on another point: sneering at and belittling someone is generally not the best way to explain a different perspective. I agree that misogynist language is a depressing reflection of the world we live in, and it's more disheartening when a woman uses it of another than when a man does, but it isn't exactly going to alter people's ideas if they're attacked. The whole point about such language - what makes it so entrenched and insidious - is that it's almost invisible, it's so much a reflection of our culture. It's only when you stop and think that you realise there just isn't any male equivalent, in terms of venom. And there are no animal pejoratives for men at all. Even "pig" is neutral. Maybe there would be more willingness to alter language use if the language used to achieve that was in turn more measured? Just a thought.

Fwiw

I booked my wedding, found out i was pregnant a month after, walked down the aisle at almost 6 months pregnant.

I did get one or two comments about it being a shot gun wedding, and asking was i getting married because i was pregnant etc.

I wasnt bothered to be honest, nothing to get your knickers in a twist over

Well I got married with FOUR of my Sprogs in attendance.

So, like. Ner.

I work with a woman who makes wedding dresses, and she never fits them round the waist and boobs til the last minute.

Just, as they say, sayin'!

erm

was this written in 1912???? are you catholic ???

..runs away......

As I was saying. Numerous comments on how sexist the comments are, in some cases from the same people who are blithely ignoring the OP's repeated statements that she is Asian, was a virgin at marriage, and is handling a very different set of cultural assumptions and expectations.

I'm an atheist. I lived with guys before marriage. Jokes on a baby inside marriage in my social circle would not happen, any more than jokes about one outside would. Sex is assumed to happen from late teens onwards. But that's not the OP's reality or culture and she has said that over and over - so why keep responding as if it is?

I fail to see why the OP's ignorance on sexism is terrible and shocking and she gets wagging fingers, if other posters' cheerfully ignorant racism is just fine. And yes, expecting other cultures to act as if our dominant one is the gold standard all should be judged by is the epitome of racist, especially if it then informs your advice and sympathy for someone whose frame of reference is totally different. It doesn't make her experiences less valid or real.

Lots of swearing! Too much perhaps? Understand what OP saying though. Women like that are so slimey! It's the way they talk which inflames. If it's taboo to discuss someone having sex within a culture (regardless of being married or not) and someone alludes to it then they are deliberately embaressing you to make you feel ashamed. (Btw of course women still discuss with friends etc but you would not choose to with someone random/did not like).

I don't swear much but had similar rage level after a recent visit with in-laws. It's because you are not able to show your anger to them and so there's lots of pent up fustration/anger.

Best cure is definately to have very close relationship with husband so they can't get an 'in' as someone up thread has already said.

Agree perfectstorm