Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

425 replies

pinkmagic1 · 20/01/2013 20:11

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

OP posts:
Flojobunny · 20/01/2013 20:50

lauries I know what you mean but if you are swimming with an 8 year old boy what do you do?
Luckily I don't have this problem because DS (7yo) can't swim but if he did I would be quite worried about him alone.

BupcakesAndCunting · 20/01/2013 20:51

Honestly, I cannot get myself riled up about this (males in female bogs)

I wouldn't even give a shit if an adult male had reason to enter the hallowed bog compound of wimmin.

quoteunquote · 20/01/2013 20:52

OP, next time, say,

"Good point, now will you go into the gents and check they are safe?"
No?
Now do you, see my dilemma?

Moominsarescary · 20/01/2013 20:52

Why would you send a 4 year old into the toilet on their own?

And what on earth do you think there is for an 8 year old to see or even want to look at in the women's toilet?

Flojobunny · 20/01/2013 20:52

My local pool isn't communal.

Osmiornica · 20/01/2013 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moominsarescary · 20/01/2013 20:53

Why would you send a 4 year old into the toilet on their own?

And what on earth do you think there is for an 8 year old to see or even want to look at in the women's toilet?

wonderingsoul · 20/01/2013 20:55

I would say it's a lot more common then is reported tbh.

when I was 8 we had gone to a family fun day and i was looking after a 4 year old boy. he said he needed the loo so I took him to the males and waited by the door. which was open. I heard a man say to him 'do you need a hand there little man ' thankfully he said no but even at 8 I knew it was wrong walked in and took him hand and left with him quite shook up and confused .

it has stayed with me so I won't be allowing my two boys to use the males alone till 9 maybe 10 where I'm confident he will shout or what not

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 20/01/2013 20:59

YANBU

I'd not let an 8 year old go in to public loo by himself, statistics list it as the second most likely place for a child to be molested (sadly home is top). Why risk it?

FFS what is he going to see? Are there she wees in asda? (Never dared wee there!). Doesn't carelessgranny or whatever her name is (let 4 year old DGS piss by himself) shut the cubicle door when she pisses?

MrsMushroom · 20/01/2013 21:00

You will all tear out one another's throats before you will agree.

Live and let live ffs..

I wouldn't let an 8 year old boy into the male toilets alone personally but if someone else think that's ok...fine....but don't imagine you will ever make those who feel it's NOT fine bad about their choice.

I have no sons but no way would my 8 year old be alone in the mens room.

The women's toilet is the toilet...nobody has their boobs or vagina out!

thezebrawearspurple · 20/01/2013 21:01

yabu to shout at a stranger. Learn to express yourself before you target the wrong person with that silly behaviour.

mysticsash · 20/01/2013 21:01

yes YUABU.

and it all seems a bit jeremey kyle/ that is life ish

have some class

fourfingerkitkat · 20/01/2013 21:02

Gumby I'll never know if the OAP in question was in the same situation as she did not give me a second to explain. As I opened the door and was about to apologise for taking so long, she became very argumentative with me. And I was changing him into a nappy so had every bloody right to be using the disabled/baby change toilet.

MrsMushroom · 20/01/2013 21:02

As a Mother, I would FAR rather share the toilets with boys who are too young to go to the men's alone than have ANY child at risk.

I don't care if it;s a tiny risk. Even that's too much.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 20/01/2013 21:04

She was being unreasonable. She knew nothing about your son and was assuming he was without additional needs. Most are, but many aren't.

Until my boys were old enough so that I could trust them to shout loud if there was a problem, I didn't let them use the men's loos alone. It was handy that there were 2 of them and that my eldest was a big and sensible lad but my middle son had difficulties which meant he was a lot older before I allowed him to use the men's alone. I often set the older boy in with him.

And if I'd told DS2 to use the disabled loos, there would have been plenty of flack for that as his difficulties weren't immediately apparent.

But you were unreasonable to behave in that way, especially in front of your child.

vigglewiggle · 20/01/2013 21:04

babies Where did you get your statistics from, out of interest?

mysticsash · 20/01/2013 21:04

yes YUABU.

and it all seems a bit jeremey kyle/ that is life ish

have some class

discorabbit · 20/01/2013 21:06

babies do you have a source for your hysterical scaremongering post?

i really don't have a problem with kids in toilets, over 12 boys would probably raise my eyebrows but i don't see why we need segregating re public loos anyway. in europe don't they have unisex loos?

MrsMushroom · 20/01/2013 21:07

Mystic you have to know it to recognise it.

cheesesarnie · 20/01/2013 21:13

not unreasonable to take ds in but yvbu by shouting. bit of an overreaction.

ds1 is 11 and has shy bladder syndrome which makes trips out hell. he can sometimes go if he has someone with him and there's a cubicle but obviously at 11 it's not really good for him or others if he goes in the ladies. if he did need to go in the ladies id shout to make sure it was ok to take him in and explain if anyone came in while we were in there. i wouldnt shout at someones opinion.

Guendaline · 20/01/2013 21:15

OP you were not unreasonable. It's ridiculous to get uptight about an 8-year-old boy being in the ladies (would be different if it was a changing room IMO). I don't blame you for shouting at her, she sounded very rude and her comments were clearly inflammatory. Yes in an ideal world you could have shrugged it off but heyho no one is perfect!
Having said that, why on earth can't he go in the men's? I don't get this thing about paedos in public toilets, surely there must be things that ate for more risky that he does on a regular basis?

everlong · 20/01/2013 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 20/01/2013 21:19

She didn't deserve your attention. It's up to a parent to decide about safety when it comes to public toilets. She didn't know your DS or you or anything about you and she certainly had no right to assume she could dictate to you where your DS used the loo. Shouting back never makes you feel as good as you hope it will though.

Wrt the age thing -- 8 is sort of a grey area. 9 less so and by age 10 I would definitely hope a boy would be going to the men's. I know swimming pools often have a 7 and up use the gender appropriate changing room and I personally had no problem sending DS into the men's changing room or loos on his own when we were out. But every parent knows their own boy.

Katla · 20/01/2013 21:22

YANBU, opinionated woman should keep her opinions to herself.

In M&S at Christmastime, an elderly man said 'bloody buggies' at me in the foodhall, I was too taken aback to say anything but my dear brother said 'F off you pish stained old bastard' which made me feel much better Grin Not that I normally tolerate verbal abuse of the elderly unless they are rude to me first

RandallPinkFloyd · 20/01/2013 21:28

Erm, admittedly I've only skimmed the thread but what exactly was the child going to see?

Do those of you who object to an 8 year old boy standing outside the door while you piss go out and wash your fanny in the sink afterwards?

I'm genuinely confused. I tend to leave my pants on til I close the cubicle door then fasten them back up again before I open it. Am I doing it wrong?

Unless he was commando crawling along the floor and looking under the stalls I think it's probably ok.