To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

[pinkmagic1]

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

[withreality]

I am a dad with 2 girls aged 8 and 6. Since i was sexually assaulted by a woman in a school toilet aged 5 there is no way i would allow my girls to go into the womens toilets on their own. Equally because of the open urinals in mens toilets (which would be better cubicled for everyoness privacy anyway) I wouldn't take them into the gents unless the gents is empty at the time. Most of the time this has meant using the disabled, however there have been times when I have taken them into the ladies. This has caused some strange looks but this is nothing knew since I had the same experience when using baby changes which were sometimes situated in womens toilets. Womens toilets are cubicled, i dont go peering around and by protecting my children I am not breaking any laws, personally i would rather take the odd look or comment more than I would learning that my daughter was uncomfortable or abused.

[Catchingmockingbirds]

If everyone took their dc to the disabled toilets I wonder where those with disabilities would go since they'd never actually get to use the designated toilets...

[withreality]

Fortunately because of the better private design of womens toilets not everyone would need to take their child to the disabled. However, as catchingmockingbirds points out disabled toilets are meant for disabled people which is why when they are in use I have ended up taking my daughters to the ladies. However, if the gents had cubilced urinals as in a few places I would have no hesitation taking them with me into the gents.

[Primafacie]

with reality, what do your girls do at school?

[Emilythornesbff]

I don't think it's terrible for your 8 y o dss to use the ladies' with you.
Maybe the woman shouldn't have said anything.
Sorry, but YWBU to shout at her and call her a miserable cow.
It's not the crime of the century and nobody's perfect but it's upsetting to be shouted at.
Lesson learned, move on eh?!

[withreality]

Thanks Emilythornesbff for being understanding. I assume primafacie that u r asking about the toilets at school rather than what they do, but at school they use the girls toilet which is kept seperate from toilets any adult would use and therefore they should not be in the company of any unvetted female (or male come to that)

[AntimonySalts]

"I'd like to know in which part of the world then does this rare perfection exist... where no-one is ever rude to anyone else....? Balamory? Peppa Pig land? I've come across all sorts of people in my life. People who would never be rude, people who are habitually rude, people who are uncharacteristically rude for whatever reason..."

I would not like to know in which part of the world people think it's okay to shout at other women in toilets.

I don't think we were talking about rudeness generally, TMB. Obviously we all unfortunately encounter rudeness to some degree, even if only from grumpy bus drivers/unpleasant work colleagues etc. What we are talking about here is the OP behaving like a fishwife and setting an appalling example to her child (and any others who might have been watching, though I am sure their parents would have reinforced that the OP's behaviour was objectionable).

[Touchmybum]

The OP lost her temper; it happens. She could have said a lot worse! The 'lady' was rude to the OP. It's not a question of whether or not it is ok; that's a moot point really isn't it? Sometimes when you're caught unawares you blurt something out you wouldn't normally. Maybe the OP could have been more 'creative' in her response if she had had time to think about it.

Not being "pompous" or "ridiculous" at all countrykitten, merely stating fact. I will be the arbiter of where my kids have a wee not some random stranger.

[countrykitten]

Eh? Random strangers dictating where your child will pee? What are you talking about?

And your post was VERY pompous indeed. [wink[

[countrykitten]

Or even....!

[AntimonySalts]

TMB: "It's not a question of whether or not it is ok; that's a moot point really isn't it?"

Um, the orignal post was 'AIBU to have shouted at a women [sic] in the Asda toilet?'

The only possible answer to this question - as you yourself imply - is "yes, YABU".

[Primafacie]

Withreality, yes I was asking about the toilet situation rather than the curriculum.

Forgive my ignorance, but is it your position that your girls are safe because the rules prevent "unvetted adults" from being in the toilets? Because I would have tought that the "rules" always forbade child abuse, and yet you had a bad (possibly terrible) experience at shool.

So how do you come to the conclusin that your girls are safe, especially in the same (school) context?

Not trying to be arsey btw, genuine question.

[withreality]

Primafacie, my view is that I do not believe it is ever possible to ensure absolute safety, however as a parent I have a responsibility to ensure that I do what I reasonably can to protect my children, especially at the ages they are at. When I was at school there was no vetting procedure, there were no additional daytime security measures such as locking the doors during the day and the toilets were open for both children and adults. Now my children go to a school which controls those who enter, vets the adults who remain in school and has seperate toilets for adults and children, whilst this can never be totaly safe it is in my view considerably safer than a toilet which can be used with no controlling measures or attempt at controlling measures in place. Also whilst they are at school they are in the schools care and responsibilty, if they travel on a trip the school never allows the children to enter public toilets without a vetted adult being present. Whilst I recognise that there is no absolute safety, I do what I do help my children, but especially to help them avoid going through what I went through.

[Touchmybum]

No pomposity here ck!! ;)

The aforementioned "miserable cow" was indeed a "random stranger".

I decide where my kids go to the toilet. Fact.

[LocaBillmore188]

Law states that children over 6 years of age should same sex changing rooms and toilets. I don't think I would "say" anything because the child may have a medical issue and that's ok then but if he is perfectly cape able at going to the toilet alone then he should go to the men's. However I would be pissed at her if she said this to my son because he has mild cerebral palsy and I had to do this a few years ago not anymore he's 14 now. give him his independence because he can't do this in school

[gordyslovesheep]

what Law?

[McNewPants2013]

look at the date of OP

[Retroformica]

Boy got sexually assaulted in a supermarket in leamington.

Maybe you could have told her why he was in the loo

[Screwfox]

op you sound a bit rough

[Whogivesashit]

You were not unreasonable at all to tell her what you thought. I would've given her a lot more verbal. But I then I am very unreasonable.

[SparkyTGD]

She should keep her opinion to herself.

[SparkyTGD]

zombie thread

[LovesBeingOnHoliday]

Op are you shouting at us whilst you walk off [frin]

[giraffescantdanceallnight]

I had just settled down with a cuppa to read this huge thread only to see it is a zombie one :(

FFS.

[Ledkr]

In France the men take their daughters into the ladies.
I was a bit huffy at first then I got over myself and remembered the only thing he would see is a woman washing her hands or looking in the mirror.
And no I wouldn't let my ds aged 8 into the menz toilets in asda!
I'm far too aware of the type of people living in the community to do that.