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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

425 replies

pinkmagic1 · 20/01/2013 20:11

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

OP posts:
BooBumpDaddyandMe · 20/01/2013 22:03

Read this, thought about it and changed my mind about 5 times! You were probably BU to shout at her but by making a swift exit it's fair to say she was a busy body only interested in her own opinion & not hanging around to hear your view/apology/round of f's. Are you BU to take an 8 year old into the ladies with you? Possibly. The more I think about it though is it not a case of just wanting to protect your kids for as long as possible? Yes they've been using the loo at school on their own since they were wee (npi) but in a safe environment without the potential of lurkers & weirdies peering over their shoulder or worse.
This parenting lark is a minefield.
For sure let it go though & don't be worrying about it.

fourfingerkitkat · 20/01/2013 22:04

FFS...think I'll start a thread asking if IABU for shopping in ASDA...

shallweshop · 20/01/2013 22:05

For those who think it is so wrong for a kid to go with his mum to the ladies loo - why??? We go behind closed doors, just like most of us do in our own homes but we have to wash our hands in public - just really don't understand the issue!

RandallPinkFloyd · 20/01/2013 22:09

Glad I don't shop at Asda if this is what it is like

Yes, every Asda is full of weird people arguing in toilets Hmm

It's a bloody supermarket same as all the others, have you never been in one before? Does Jeeves normally bring your consumables in through the servant's entrance?

BegoniaBampot · 20/01/2013 22:10

my sons are young and often use the mens loos, also understand the worry about possible abuse or problems so doesn't bother me if boys use the.ladies. regards changing rooms my 7 yr old asked yo use the mens changing room in our gym as he was a big boy, he felt really uncomfortable and intimidated as it's all open showers and changing. back to the ladies for him.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 20/01/2013 22:13

NO WAY is it unreasonable to take a pre-pubescent child into the loo, fgs. what's he going to see there? some cludgie doors and a few women primping themselves at the sinks? what possible harm can it do to either party.

and no, not great to shout after someone, but probably it was because you couldn't think of what to say while she was still standing in front of you. i tend to rely on ' you're a bit weird, aren't you?'

whateveritakes · 20/01/2013 22:15

I think it's reasonable to for an 8 year old to use the ladies in a busy supermarket. It's used by all types of people and I wouldn't feel happy especially as ASDA is massive.

I would certainly let a 8 year old use the gents in a family type park, swimming pool or other places with children and he would feel safe using them.

Context is key here. i think shouting is fine actually as perhaps she then twigged that all sorts of undesirables might be in the loo's!

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 20/01/2013 22:17

I am really interested to know what people think a pre-pubescent boy is going to do in the Ladies that is so shocking? Especially as he was accompanied by his mum.

easterbaby · 20/01/2013 22:19

I wouldn't have a problem with your son using the ladies' loos if I was there. In fact, a story like this - www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-20772499 - would make me think twice about letting my own young son use the men's loos by himself.

chuzzlewit · 20/01/2013 22:21

Not unreasonable to suggest politely that it was none of her business.

Totally unacceptable to shout at her and call her a miserable cow.

countrykitten · 20/01/2013 22:22

Actually I have been in an Asda before now that I come to think of it. I didn't stay long enough to find out if there are always people screaming obscenities at each other in the loos.

neveronamonday · 20/01/2013 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heidihole · 20/01/2013 22:24

YABU to shout mind your own business you miserable cow especially in front of your son. Cant imagine ever hearing my mum shout that!!

So he now thinks thats acceptable language to shout at a stranger in a shop? He'll be turning into one of those teens then... Hmm

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/01/2013 22:28

Katia

"bloody buggies" does NOT merit "F off you pish stained old bastard"

Maybe he'd tripped over a buggy (especially in a busy supermarket)
Maybe he'd just had the straw that broke the camels back- as I'm sure we all do.

Would your brother call a child "pish stained" - no
Even if he was doubly incontinent, it's not a subject for "amusing" retritubtion

shallweshop · 20/01/2013 22:28

Heidihole - really????

flossy101 · 20/01/2013 22:29

I don't think you were unreasonable. Like you say he's only 8 and it was non of her business.

countrykitten · 20/01/2013 22:31

I cannot ever imagine speaking to anyone in this way - there are some pretty 'hard faced' types out there I suppose but I would hate to have witnessed this. My sympathy would have been with the old lady not for the brash and mouthy OP. Great example to your poor son btw.

countrykitten · 20/01/2013 22:33

And my sympathy would also be for the old man in katla's post. I actually found that really shocking and more so that another poster found it funny. Is this really the way that we should be conducting ourselves?

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems · 20/01/2013 22:34

For those who think it is so wrong for a kid to go with his mum to the ladies loo - why???

  • Wee on the seats and floor/inability to flush the toilet - I understand that small children of both genders as well as adults also do this but a responsible adult will clean up their/their childs mess. It's no fun for the next person in the queue to have to clean the toilet seat and put a load of loo roll on the floor so they don't have to stand in it
  • There are bigger queues in the womens loo so why add to it. Assuming that you don't go in the same cubical at the same time
  • They (and most other children and some adults) partially block access to the sinks/dryers as well as the entrance/exit
  • Why can't you take them into the gents loo - You're not concerned about what they see in the womens and you won't see anything new in the gents
  • Women are no safer around your dc then men... Not every man wants to perv on your child
  • Whispers... They might here gossip unsuited to boys

I fully expect the reasons stated for not wanting older boys in the ladies to be laughed at, there are more reasons but I really don't see why they should be in there Smile

KhallDrogo · 20/01/2013 22:38

why cant 8 year old boys go to the toilet by themselves? Confused

I don't think you would see an 8 year old girl going into the men's if she was out with her dad Confused

neveronamonday · 20/01/2013 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrapBag · 20/01/2013 22:40

YANBU. I won't be letting DS use public toilets alone at age 8. Comparing them to school toilets is ridiculous.

BupcakesAndCunting · 20/01/2013 22:41

Only expressing an opinion?! What a lot of bolleaux.

Yes you may voice your opinion but then you do invite the party on the blunt end if your opinion to answer back.

I've challenged some pretty objectionable opinion s in my time, usually to do with race/homosexuality. Not comparable to this I know but are we really never allowed to challenge opinions?

500internalerror · 20/01/2013 22:42

I bit the bullet & let ds use the gents for the first time aged 8. I couldn't hear him because of the 'foyer' area created by 2 sets of doors. He got stuck in the cubicle & was too terrified to yell for help. I dithered for a while after I thought he'd been too long. But I still wouldn't let him go in the gents of a large or busy place; it made me realise that anything can happen. Plus, even secondary schools now have communal toilets - what's the big deal?

Katla · 20/01/2013 22:42

I'd be too scared to say anything offensive to anyone in case they punched me or something. I'd perhaps say stuff like 'how rude', 'mind your own business' or 'thank you for your views' - that would be ok I'd think as not great to resort to personal insults. Better to keep moral high ground and ignore.