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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

425 replies

pinkmagic1 · 20/01/2013 20:11

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/01/2013 22:43

NothingIsasBad would you go into a mens loo?
I did once accidently
Disclaimer: I was 2 weeks before giving birth, bladder like a thimble.
Dashed in, saw two men standing Oh, there's only two cubicles.
The men got the frights of their lives !

CharlW1 · 20/01/2013 22:44

I don't blame OP at all and would react the same way. Everyone is saying what a great example she set using that language in front of her son but what a bout having to witness a nosy old bat speaking aggressively to your Mom like that!

LineRunner · 20/01/2013 22:45

You go for it, OP. A woman who minds a junior school aged boy in a public toilet is being very unhelpful.

Shouting after her? Well, she started on you first. Probably you should have left it, but you didn't - but don't sweat it. Next time, if there is one, just say, 'I don't feel comfortable about the alternative arrangements.' And then shut down.

PriscillaLydiaSellon · 20/01/2013 22:47

YABU to shout at anyone. All you would have done is confirm in her mind that your behaviour generally left a lot to be desired. Had you merely smiled and nodded and closed your ears to her comments, she would have been in the wrong. As it is, you are completely in the wrong instead. And your child has learnt that it's okay to shout at people who are silly.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/01/2013 22:48

I've let my DS go to the mens since he was old enough to want to but chose carefully.
Like I wouldn't let him go at a busy service station till he was older (can't remember exact age)
But the rule was -in, pee, wash hands, talk to no-one.

And when he did have to go at a service station I stood by the door enterance (like a right pervert) looking at the men.
If he'd have shouted, I'd have been in there.

RandallPinkFloyd · 20/01/2013 22:49

countrykitten, are you by any chance the Duchess of Kent?

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems · 20/01/2013 22:50

70isa yep, there is no point queuing for ages with a young child when there are gender appropriate, queue free toilets available for him to use with a bit of help. Just knock and say woman coming in :)

sukysue · 20/01/2013 22:52

Don't take any notice of the miserable old bat . Honestly nothing wrong in what you and he did .

BupcakesAndCunting · 20/01/2013 22:55

Lol at piss in the seat being a reason for no boys in toilets.

Old women are the worst for piss dribbles on loo seats, fact.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/01/2013 22:57

Actually, there was a dad with his young DD in the womans toilet at our cinema.

And none of us thought it was weird (or no one said anything)

My DS used to go into the mens changing room at the Gym when he was 6-7 yo (for his karate). There were all ages (they don't allow over 8yo in womans change room). Men, like the women were in states of undress/nakedness.
He must've spent lots of time looking because he told me what the various men looked like
"He's got a tattoo Mummy" "And that man with the shaved head has got..."

I don't want to know. (blocks ears)

SucksToBeMe · 20/01/2013 22:58

I can totally back up Bupcakes comment about old ladies dribbling on seats!

LineRunner · 20/01/2013 23:02

There were men with little girls and there were boys in the Vue cinema Laidies' Toilets after Les Mis at the weekend but we were all crying too juch to care.

Touchmybum · 20/01/2013 23:02

or Marks and Spencer!!

The child wasn't doing her any harm. YANBU. Probably wasn't the cleverest idea in the world to shout at her, but I think most of us would be incensed in the heat of the moment.

It's not about the child being able to manage in the toilet; it's about the child going into men's toilets unsupervised anyway.

KhallDrogo · 20/01/2013 23:09

linerunner

so boys and girls and mums and dads use the ladies?!?!

does anyone use the men's? whats wrong with the men's toilets?

(disclaimer: I don't care where children go to the toilet really. I don't really like adult men in the ladies toilets. And I think boy children are more mollycoddled than girl children)

sunnyday123 · 20/01/2013 23:22

Not read all thread but its not about being old enough to go the toilet in school etc. this is a public toilet where any wierdos could be! I think of that poor boy age 7 who went the toilet and got raped in McDonald's. how awful. You don't know who is in public toilets. My dd is 7 and would never let her go in public toilets alone without checking who is in there first. Too dodgy these days. So op, I agree with you!

Narked · 20/01/2013 23:24

'mind your own business you miserable cow'

Did you mean to make yourself sound like trash?

LolaDontCryOverSpiltEggnog · 20/01/2013 23:25

When i read the thread title i thought about the time i went into the women's toilet at Asda
sat on the toilet listening to the straining and various ''ooohs and humphs' coming from the toilet next door and when i met that lady at the sinks she was topless but a bra sweating like a pig on a jog and washing her armpits with the hand soap.

I had to stand next to her and wash my hands, i have never concentrated on a plughole so much.

Thought it may have been her again.

Since then i always wash my fanny in the sink and style my pubes under the hand dryers though.

LineRunner · 20/01/2013 23:28

Asda

Where dreams may be

LolaDontCryOverSpiltEggnog · 20/01/2013 23:29

Narked You will have nothing to say if OP just says ''yes Narked. yes i did''

janji · 20/01/2013 23:34

I never understand the outrage of some women who take great offence at boys using female toilets if they would otherwise have to use the gents unaccompanied. It's a sad reflection on society today, but many paedofiles purposely stalk out public conveniences,(I work with children and have known some harrowing cases so am probably too aware/worried), and for this risk alone, I never hesitate to take my 9 yr old ds into the ladies with me if needs be. What do these outraged women think he will see/do?!!

hopkinette · 20/01/2013 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

twentythirteen · 20/01/2013 23:38

It was none of her business, and it was rude of toy to call her names. You should both apologise and make nice.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/01/2013 23:48

The answer I give is "Yeah, thanks for that" but with not a hiny of thanks.

Works a treat.
Especially if you can add a "Lady" into the mix but like a New York Traffic Cop to make it sound like an insult

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/01/2013 23:49

hiny - hint (hinny is a donkey or a mule IIRC)

AgnesBligg · 20/01/2013 23:55

I have used loos in all sorts of unseemly places. Never once have a spotted an irksome vagina through a cubicle door or a lady bottom inappropriately placed. What did she think he would encounter in there?

yanbu. Hope your shout made it all better for you both.

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