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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

425 replies

pinkmagic1 · 20/01/2013 20:11

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

OP posts:
Tortington · 24/01/2013 14:47

i think this is a wind up - never the less, i shall contribute in the hope that my answer may help someone a all somewhere ever.

I am not one of those that thinks that there is a paedo round every corner - truly am not, however i have read of two sexual attacks on children in supermarket toilets quite recently.

for that reason i think its fine an 8 year old accompanies his parent to the lav - who gives a shit anyway - its not like you have your fanny out for all to see.

the lady expressed an opinion - it was rude of her to do so, non of her hunness if you ask me.

You were more than rude - wth your 'miserable cow' comment, you lowered yourself even for ASDA standard, and i am ashamed to call you a mumsnetter.

ByTheWay1 · 24/01/2013 14:49

OK - what is wrong with a boy being in the ladies, is that there ARE perfectly good toilets available FOR BOYS - they are called the gents.

If a mother thinks the gents are unsafe or unsavoury for their boys to use - they should be DOING something about it, not moving the issue elsewhere. They should be taking their children to the gents - and complaining like hell if there are problems, if there are "perverts" lingering around, they should be reporting them to the authorities, trying to get the situation changed, not putting their heads in the proverbial sand and expecting the problem to go away.

When their boys are no longer PREpubescent, they will STILL be at risk in these places because NOTHING will have changed. Am I to expect the queues to get even longer, with 12/13/14 year olds joining it too.

Original poster
pinkmagic1 · 24/01/2013 14:57

So Custardo, you have never said anything in the heat of the moment that you realised after might not have been the best way to handle the situation? Like I have said before, unfortunately I am not as perfect as some of you and maybe I should just fuck off to netmums with my Asda shopping habit and JK style behaviour!

OP posts:
Tortington · 24/01/2013 15:03

perhaps you should dear

Primafacie · 24/01/2013 15:05

"JK style behaviour" - that stands for Jackie Kennedy, right? Wink

LouiseFisher · 24/01/2013 15:06

I wouldn't have screamed at her but told her in a polite manner to mind her own business!

Original poster
pinkmagic1 · 24/01/2013 15:07

Maybe I shall and I will have a gregs sausage roll on the way and leave you all to your pearl clutching!

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 24/01/2013 15:41

You were more than rude - wth your 'miserable cow' comment, you lowered yourself even for ASDA standard, and i am ashamed to call you a mumsnetter.

Now that has to be the funniest thing I've read in a while! Op I'll join you in a greggs sausage roll

Touchmybum · 24/01/2013 16:49

For goodness' sake, the maturity level of an 8 year old when confronted with a 'situation' is much different to a 14 year old.

I'm not out to save the world either. I just would like to keep my own children safe.

So, if I want to bring my son to the toilet with me when he is 40, I shall exercise my free will to do so.

Only by then, it is more likely that he will be bringing me, his elderly mama, to the toilet with him. Mens or ladies?!

LineRunner · 24/01/2013 17:00

They should be taking their children to the gents - and complaining like hell if there are problems, if there are "perverts" lingering around, they should be reporting them to the authorities, trying to get the situation changed, not putting their heads in the proverbial sand and expecting the problem to go away.

The normal response to this, following police advice, has been temporary or permanent closure of the toilets, unfortunately.

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 24/01/2013 18:16

Touchmybum

My foreign grandparents once visited and a my gran was terminally ill my grandad had to take her to the ladies. He was shouted at but just had to get on with it. He was very puzzled because in his home country it was not seen as such a problem.

Luckily there are disabled toilets these days.

Today I took my ds to the ladies. He is a tall 5 year old and there was no way he could reach the soap dispenser or the taps.

AntimonySalts · 24/01/2013 19:54

I take my 8 y o son into the ladies' loos, so I don't agree with the lady who objected to the OP.

However, I agree even less with your behaviour, OP. It was rude, unnecessary and, to answer your original question, you were beyond unreasonable to behave like that. There's no point accusing people who can behave of being 'perfect' and 'pearl-clutching': not shouting at people (and particularly strangers in public) is basic manners. I would be shocked if my children did it; I'm even more shocked to discover that some adults do it.

Touchmybum · 24/01/2013 23:52

Your poor grandad, EverybodysSnowyEyed.

Sometimes some of us who are less than perfect just lose it a little bit. Not everyone manages to be rational and controlled. Blame the hormones personally...

countrykitten · 25/01/2013 07:44

Excellent. It's the hormones. If a man said that he would be accused of misogyny..

It was downright rude and vile and thankfully most people would not have behaved in such a disgusting manner.

Touchmybum · 25/01/2013 13:14

Tongue in cheek countrykitten.

It was an overreaction. Same as your last post.

AntimonySalts · 25/01/2013 14:33

"It was downright rude and vile and thankfully most people would not have behaved in such a disgusting manner."

Well said, countrykitten. Thankfully I don't know anyone at all in RL who would think it was okay to speak to someone as the OP did. I think some people on this thread must inhabit some kind of virtual reality where they think it's okay to behave like characters in some particularly unpleasant soap opera.

Touchmybum · 25/01/2013 15:10

It must be pleasant in Utopia.

ethelb · 25/01/2013 15:14

8 year old girls go to the loo on their own generally.

Plus people have to wait for 8 year old boys while they use the ladies, when the mens is empty.

PessaryPam · 25/01/2013 15:37

I think countrykitten must be the lady that was shouted at. What a small world.

AntimonySalts · 25/01/2013 16:59

How weird for a world in which people don't hurl abuse at one another to be regarded as 'Utopia'. I'd have thought it was just basic good manners. Confused

countrykitten · 25/01/2013 18:05

Yes - very weird indeed. Thankfully I don't know people like these in RL.

Touchmybum · 25/01/2013 22:56

I'd like to know in which part of the world then does this rare perfection exist... where no-one is ever rude to anyone else....? Balamory? Peppa Pig land? I've come across all sorts of people in my life. People who would never be rude, people who are habitually rude, people who are uncharacteristically rude for whatever reason...

Perhaps a little realism is required.

MerylStrop · 25/01/2013 23:02

8 year old boys, should be using the men's loos, unless SEN means they need to be accompanied, or there is some other special set of circumstances.

You were horrible to shout at her, even if you disagreed with her opinion.

Touchmybum · 26/01/2013 00:36

My child will use whichever toilet I decide he should use, for so long as I wish it.

And it is no-one else's business but mine.

countrykitten · 26/01/2013 08:41

TMB could you actually be any more pompous? At least your ridiculous post gave me a good laugh.