To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

[pinkmagic1]

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

I dont see the issue with an 8 year old going in the ladies.Every one is in a cubicle.
What exactly was she worried he would see? Her washing her hands?Its not like there are urinals in the ladies.
You lost your message yelling at her though.You should have just told her mind her own without yelling.

When my DS was about 8yo or so he was very keen to go to the loo himself. Usually "Can I go to the toilet. I'm okay by myself" and sprinting off in the direction (if he knew where it was)

Once in a large Debenhams, I was in the queue to pay, the toilets were down a corridor (throw swing doors) that I could see. Lots of people coming and going.
He knows the "just pee, wash your hands and don't talk to anyone rule"

He came back and said "I couldn't find the toilet so I asked a man who looked like Grandad".

His logic- don't ask a stranger. But Grandad (or in this case look-alike) is safe.

It's a balancing act to keep them safe and informed. But to not overload them so that they think everyone is out to get them. Or cottonwool wrap them.

BTW my boy does karate. I don't think it would help much against an adult though. He could get out of a grasp and run though.

The Debenhams incident was on a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD BOY - we need to make gents toilets safe for fourteen year old boys, not have them use the ladies.... I know no one is yet suggesting that they do use the ladies, but it is a natural extension of the safety argument.....

And YY some people just like to impart their views out loud.
Like challenging people who park in P&C, Blue Badge Spaces.
Put their feet on chairs.
Or have their 4 yo walking round with a dummy ( one at my DC school does)

It's just most people think it but don't say it out loud.

We need either children's toilets or family toilets.

"Do you also think I should bring my son up to think it is OK for others to go around speaking to him in an aggressive manner and to just let them walk all over him and not to speak his mind?"

There is a difference between not being walked all over and being revoltingly rude. Your behaviour was in the latter category, and put you even more in the wrong than the other woman was in the first place (who will have thought that she was not only right about the boys-in-the-loo thing, but that you were rude and setting a rude example too).

The best example to set your son in this instance would be to say to him that the loo-woman had evidently got some funny ideas, and that it's a shame nobody ever taught her not to be rude. Instead, you just taught your son to meet rudeness with rudeness.

Well not everyone is perfect like some on here!

I make my 8y old come into the ladies with me and will continue to do so for as long as possible, primarily for hygiene reasons, but also slight safety concerns. Lots of dodginess goes on in male public toilets, as anyone that lived in Clapham Common like I did and once tried to use the loos in desperation can tell you.

Asda though? Not a notorious cottaging hang out

how do I know where the latest notorious cottaging hangout is? I don't mix in those circles anymore

Cottaging, what's cottaging?

exactly

Had to look it up... sighs..... I did something similar with dh before we were married after a night out in the 24hr asda loos at 2am ish

Lol! Exactly! That is why my children come into the toilet with me, so I can protect them from seeing people like you and all the awkward questions that would surely follow

To be fair, I would be quite surprised to hear about such shenanigans happening in a supermarket toilet before children's bedtime but you never know .....

yes snowyeyed - our asda has a massive family toilet.. so I take ds2 (6) in there with me if ladies is closed.. failing that if both are closed ds1 (14) will take him in men's. which I hate and stand with my foot at the main door so it's just ajar... ds2 is taller than me (im 5 6) so is capable of watching over him in those situations ....

"Lol! Exactly! That is why my children come into the toilet with me, so I can protect them from seeing people like you and all the awkward questions that would surely follow "

Lol, to be fair we did use the disabled toilet and locked the door so your dc wouldn't have seen anything

You used the DISABLED toilet?!?!?!?!

Will one of these lavatory ninja mothers please explain why they cannot start to teach their oh-so-fragile sons how to use the mens loos by taking them in there rather than dragging them in to the ladies? This makes far more sense to me.

Or do you all just hate men and want to categorise them all as paedos?

I don't think men would want us ladies taking our sons into the men's toilets countrykitten. How on earth does not wanting your young son to go for a pee unsupervised equate to hating men?!

I think busybodies as in the OP would be well advised to mind their own business, and the rest of us ignore their witterings when they do stick their nose in.

I take ds into the gents, he's a boy and boys use the gents.... I don't look at the men using the facilities and they don't look at me. We get in, ds goes, wash his hands (if no soap we use hand wipes) and make our way out... Why take him to the ladies when he is a boy?

Because you are a "lady"? I have no wish to go into the gents' toilets.

So ladies feel uncomfortable about having a pre pubescent boy in their toilets, but they think men should be happy to have women waltzing into the gents with their sons

I think that is a bigger double standard

My son will use the gents when and where I think it is appropriate. In the meantime by taking him to the ladies I am teaching him how to deal with heavy doors, high sinks, odd soap dispensers etc. I have no idea how long I will as he is only 5 but it will stop before he hits puberty.

My sons would have been mortified to be taken into the ladies at 6 let alone 8.
I really don't believe supermarket toilets which are checked every hour pose a significant risk to children.
I guess at the end of the day , it is up to ASDA to legislate on maximum age of children in wrong sex toilet.

If women are taking their boys into the ladies toilets for safety issues, then they are just as safe if women take them into the gents.

The gents will not become safer for teenage boys to use if we do nothing other than stop younger boys from using them. Ignoring the safety issue does not make it go away

No-one had yet to explain why an 8 year old boy shouldn't be allowed in the ladies lavatories?

Every parent should feel confident in their parenting choices, but op was pulled up by some busy-body that decided to judge her on bringing a small boy into the toilets. When someone insults your intelligence it's no wonder op bit tbh.

We as parents & individuals make choices to avoid risk on a daily basis.
Why risk something happening when there is absolutely nothing wrong in an 8yo boy being in there with his mother?

Please someone explain what is wrong with a young boy being there?
Because i just don't get it?