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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at a women in the Asda toilet

425 replies

pinkmagic1 · 20/01/2013 20:11

Was in Asda this morning getting a bit of shopping for my nan and my 8 year old ds decided he needed the loo. Sometimes he uses the mans but sometimes he prefers to come with me into the ladies. I personally don't see a problem with this, he is only 8 ffs. However there was a women in there who whilst my ds was washing his hands and after looking at him like something she had scraped off the bottom of her shoe asked me how old my ds was. I told her he is 8, she then proceeded to tell me it was terrible that I should let him use the ladies and he should be able to manage perfectly well on his own! She then made a speedy exit and I shouted after her 'mind your own business you miserable cow!' I was really shook up by the whole incident but aibu?

OP posts:
voddiekeepsmesane · 22/01/2013 14:21

Oh thats right I remember now all boys are thugs or at the very least potential ones Hmm

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 22/01/2013 14:27

How on earth does an 8 year old make you feel uncomfortable?

No one is saying 8yo boys can't use the toilets on their own (although some are not built for ease of use of a small boy) - but why should they not use the ladies?

And not all 8yo are the same - why does it actually matter if a pre pubescent boy uses the ladies with his mum?

ByTheWay1 · 22/01/2013 14:28

Nope, but obviously all MEN are - a pervert round every corner...... or in every public toilet.....

Crawling · 22/01/2013 14:29

Op Yanbu ds age 7 goes in the ladies.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 22/01/2013 14:34

I can' t believe some of you can' t see the danger in public toilets Shock
I Don' t think making jokes about paedophilia is very funny, and those that think it is Don' t belong on mn.

atthewelles · 22/01/2013 14:35

YANBU. 8 is still quite young to go to a public toilet on his own and its a judgement call you should be entitled to make. If he was 11 or 12 she might have a point.

snowybrrr · 22/01/2013 14:42

He is 8, of course he shouldn't be in the ladies!

Crawling · 22/01/2013 14:43

Plus at age 7 ds does still have toilet issues (poss sn) he often gets in a mess and needs help cleaning up.

ByTheWay1 · 22/01/2013 14:47

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding - if that was aimed at me, I was not joking - merely commenting on the fact that nowadays people will only see the bad in men - our sons, husbands, brothers and fathers.

KevinFoley · 22/01/2013 14:50

In my 40 years of life I have never seen a boy over the age of 6 in a female loo, despite extensive research in supermarkets, zoos, museums, shopping centres, ad infinitum. I conclude it's a mumsnet myth. My only issue with female loos becoming unisex in this way is the impact on the already lengthy queues while the mens stands empty (loitering no good types notwithstanding).

hopeful92 · 22/01/2013 14:55

I think it depends entirely where you are as well.

I would happily send an 8 year old to the loo by themself at ASDA (I presume you can wait right outside the door anyway), whereas I wouldn't let them go on their own in a motorway service station or very busy railway station.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 22/01/2013 14:57

It wasn't aimed at yoy BytheWay, it's aimed at some pp from yesterday.

Original poster
pinkmagic1 · 22/01/2013 15:01

I do not think there is a pervert around every corner, in fact my children have a lot more freedom than many of their friends and are allowed to play outside unaccompanied on our street and of course my son can use the toilet by himself.
He is welcome to use the mens if he wishes but in some locations he feels more comfortable using the ladies which at 8 years old I really cant see the issue. He is a long way off puberty and I can assure you does not look at anyone in a sexual manner, in fact I very much doubt if he knows exactly what sex is other than it is a rude word to giggle about in the playground!
I would be interested if any of the objectors have actually parented a boy of this age group.

OP posts:
Idocrazythings · 22/01/2013 15:06

Children don't just get molested in public toilets they get murdered too. YANBU; but you shouldn't have shouted.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2013 15:17

Hoping we are all teaching our boys and girls good toilet etiquette so that they will all become competent users of public conveniences at some point? i.e. get in, do your business, wash hands (unless you see something to indicate you should leave immediately) and leave. No loitering.

RafflesWay · 22/01/2013 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marjproops · 22/01/2013 16:32

I would not let a boy alone in the mens...you never know whos in there and what theyd do.

friend let hers do that, he was 9, and he said a man in there said 'show me your willy' to him. and shook his own at her son. she had no reason not to believe him. she now takes him with her and sod what others say (shes a lone parent).

Another friend has a boy of 11 with sn and he cant manage anything by himself, and sometimes she says the disabled toilets arent accessable (she even has a key for them) so has no other choice.

Its not ideal but maybe places should do parent and child' toilets like they do in parking lots.

Picturesinthefirelight · 22/01/2013 17:42

I've only just started to let dd in the ladies by herself because she was oblivious to checking whether a toilet was clean. In one pub she was about to tread through excrement someone had left all over the cubicle/around the seat. Awful

Dh says that men's toilets are often filthy. I wouldn't want ds wading through filth. Supermarkets that are checked regularly are usually ok but pubs and parks - no way.

MooMooSkit · 22/01/2013 17:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

PriscillaLydiaSellon · 22/01/2013 19:06

RafflesWay: my problem with the OP isn't that she let her son go in the ladies' loos (I think that's perfectly reasonable, as it happens). It's that she behaved like a fishwife and set a frightful example to her own child (and any others who happened to be watching). I'm not "bloody perfect", but there's a difference between being imperfect and being downright rude and offensive.

If she really wanted to engage with the other woman (whom I think was wrong), she could have done so politely.

countrykitten · 22/01/2013 19:24

PessaryPam 'the old slag'...FFS. Words fail me.

BegoniaBampot · 22/01/2013 21:21

My mum and her friend were attacked by a man in the ladies loo when they were kids, it does happen. I don't see a pedophile round every corner at all but men's loos are ideal opportunities for this kind of thing. I just use my judgement and it depends on the place. My sons have used the loos on their own from quite young (6ish) but often I send them in together And it depends on the place. I don't blame mums for being nervous and worried about this.

narniasnarnia · 22/01/2013 21:43

OP - You need to learn to deal with everyday life (ie someone expressing an opinion that you don't agree with) without being rude, unpleasant and aggressive.
Do you want your child to shout at elderly women "Mind your own business you miserable cow" whenever they say something to him that he doesn't like - because this is what he will be doing before long.....and probably worse as he gets into teenage years..

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 22/01/2013 22:02

The lady was rude for sticking her nose where it wasn't wanted and imo got off lightly Grin

ledkr · 22/01/2013 22:13

On France the dads take their dds into the ladies. I was surprised and a bit cats bum about it but then couldn't understand why.
There's nothing to see in the hand washing area.

We were in Blackpool about ten years ago and a boy was murdered in the toilets of one of the piers and there was a boy also murdered when he went to toilet in a public park while his dad watched cricket.
Men's bogs are notorious places for sexual activity so it's not unreasonable not to let your ds go in alone.
Some people go out looking to tell people off.