Friend wants dinner and housework before I can have newborn cuddles...

[Sal77]

My close friend has recently had a baby. I went round to see her after she'd got out of hospital with a lasagne I'd cooked for them for dinner. When I arrived I was given a piece of paper with a list of chores and told to choose one (I did some hoovering whilst she sat on the sofa with the baby, her DH was at the gym she said). It was a little awkward. Only after that could I have a look/cuddle of the baby.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand having a newborn baby is hard work and I'm happy to help out (I also bought the bump Christmas presents, birthday presents and arranged the baby shower before baby was born). I didn't mind cooking her and her DH dinner, but I feel as though being asked to do housework on arrival was a bit rude given I'd already done dinner...

My friend did mention before the baby arrived about her idea to only allow guests over if they bring dinner and do chores but I didn't think she was that serious about it... And of course I don't mind helping out with babysitting and cooking dinners... But I did think it very rude to ask me to hoover too...

AIBU?

I'm having an ELCS in a few days. My DH will be doing the housework and school run. Isn't that what paternity leave is for?

I went into what turned out to be very slow labour. dh used up nine paternity leave days just being with me in labour. He did manage to swing another week holiday when dd was 3 weeks old. I caught up on lots of sleep then.

This thread feels so very real to me.

I know lots of strange entitled people and this is the kind of thing I'd not be surprised to hear about

YANBU - the way she went about it was rude. I think she's taken the sensible idea of accepting offers of help with housework too far - there's a difference between graciously accepting offered help (and dinners!) and demanding it.

Bizarre. Very bizarre. I loathe it when people try to do my housework (aside from the washing up which you're all free to do if you like) and that sounds hideous. Warn all her friends!

We all have a choice about hoovering to be honest!

No one said she should suck it up and get on with the housework! No one.
I don't think a new mum should be cleaning or cooking if she doesn't feel up to it. But is it inconceivable to you that she would let the hoovering go for a bit or that shock horror - the dh, the guy she lives with - could "rally round"?

I don't believe i know any cultural traditions where visitor, armed with lasagne, is told she can't see the baby until she has done a chore from the list. Do correct me if I'm wrong.

I think I'd have very sweetly done every chore on the list, then, when she presented me with her baby as my reward, I'd've said, 'No thanks. Let the rest of your visitors enjoy themselves, since you can't go giving out that fucking list now, you cheeky bint.'

And left, taking the lasagne with me.

I'd have put the lasagne down and left.

Jesus fuck SHE HAS GOT A PARTNER LIVING WITH HER

He could do the cooking & housework & work full time & still go to the bloody gym.

Eh, but that's what the op wrote! I didn't make it up! Check the first para.

Ask a close friend or family member if they would mind putting the kettle on when they pop in - fine. Give a guest a list of chores to do - obscene! I cant actually believe that she did that!

I couldn't give a shiney shit how many hours her DH works (can't be that bad if he is going to the gym). Why should her friends do all their shit work for them when there are 2 adults living in the house. He can get the marigolds on and grow the fuck up whilst he is at it.

OPs friend may be in real need of support. Everyone tells new mums to ask visitors to help out, this is one way of doing it! Sounds like a bit of a joke that did not quite come off properly.

I had very bad diastasis recti (split stomach muscles) after DC3 and was strongly advised not to do any lifting (except baby) or hoovering until it improved which took months. DH was pretty useless. Think I should have had a list too...

Well unless he works "24/7", there´s time to cook & clean & maybe the gym.

I agree that gifts don't count but the cooked meal does. From your point of view it might have been nicer to make her a cup of tea/cake but actually I'm sure she will really value your support with the hoovering. It sounds like her DH is useless and it is possible she had a hard birth/has the start of PND.

I think it's really odd/rude she had a list but i also think good on her. She is making sure things work round her and bonding baby rather then running round people. She should be just sat there enjoying her baby.

Take it as a compliment, she obviously feels she can be quite honest and open with you at a very delicate time.

Chunderella I feel you are taking my post out of context and I said 'man up and get on with it' with tongue in cheek. You have mentioned my name several times now and I have obviously offended you with my comment, for which I apologise. When I had my first child nearly 14yrs ago, maternity leave was 12 weeks maternity allowance at £55 per week. I'd been forced to leave my job as the contract ended when I was 34wks preg. DS1 was almost 2 weeks late - hence 4 remaining weeks with my newborn and then I was reawarded the contract. No choice in going back to work. It may not have been advisable by todays standards but things were quite different back then, plus I felt physically ok to do it. I am from a farming background and this probably contributes to my mindset.

I stand by the point that life doesn't stop when you have a baby, help is great if it's offered or asked for politely. The OP paints a picture of a physically OK mother who, in my opinion, is being incredibly rude.

What else was on the list??

Lovely of you to take food round - her DH sounds useless.

Unbelievable.

she's going to get a shock soon once real life catches up with her.