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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants dinner and housework before I can have newborn cuddles...

263 replies

Sal77 · 20/01/2013 11:40

My close friend has recently had a baby. I went round to see her after she'd got out of hospital with a lasagne I'd cooked for them for dinner. When I arrived I was given a piece of paper with a list of chores and told to choose one (I did some hoovering whilst she sat on the sofa with the baby, her DH was at the gym she said). It was a little awkward. Only after that could I have a look/cuddle of the baby.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand having a newborn baby is hard work and I'm happy to help out (I also bought the bump Christmas presents, birthday presents and arranged the baby shower before baby was born). I didn't mind cooking her and her DH dinner, but I feel as though being asked to do housework on arrival was a bit rude given I'd already done dinner...

My friend did mention before the baby arrived about her idea to only allow guests over if they bring dinner and do chores but I didn't think she was that serious about it... And of course I don't mind helping out with babysitting and cooking dinners... But I did think it very rude to ask me to hoover too...

AIBU?

OP posts:
aquashiv · 20/01/2013 22:03

you did it too what a great friend
HIlarous though did she lift up her feet for yoU?

Guide26 · 20/01/2013 23:17

lol I guess you have to admire her guts to do something like that, If my friend had just had a baby I would offer to make the tea, maybe wash up, bring some cakes/lunch etc just so that my visit was interupting the routine of the new baby but to do her housework for her? no thank you. If I see someone struggling with their house and I offer my help thats a different story, for someone to expect me to come round to see their baby and be bribed into doing housework? no thanks!

Kafri · 21/01/2013 06:18

Ooohh I've got a (bloody difficult) 4 week old. Maybe I've missed a trick here... My bro visited yesterday and made his own brew, does that count? To be fair he only did that as he caked round when a friend of mine was here so he left me chatting to here while he made his brew.

Perhaps we could all make a price list

Glass of squash = dishes/fill dishwasher
Cup of Coffee = spot of dusting
Cup of Tea = hoovering (there's an extra step in squeezing the tea bag so worth more)
Simple lunch = wipe down kitchen surfaces
Full meal = ALL IRONING
cuddles with newborn - well, that's got to be the whole shebang, surely??

Weissdorn · 21/01/2013 06:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 21/01/2013 07:23

"Diddl depends entirely on what you define as full time."Hmm

Anything that isn´t "24/7"

Presumably he cleaned & cooked for himself before he lived with OP?

elinorbellowed · 21/01/2013 08:10

I think she has realised that her DH is a selfish arse who would rather go down the gym than spend his paternity leave with his newborn child. Therefore she is recruiting nice friends to do what he should be doing.
No way would my partner be getting 'me time' when there is a baby and chores to be done.

Chunderella · 21/01/2013 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisaeuphemism · 21/01/2013 09:41

Are you the ops friend, chunderella? You seem awfully invested in arguing why it's ok to insist kind visitors do housework.

Perhaps some of the visitors have full time jobs or children need feeding or houses that need cleaning - doesn't matter tho does it - this husband needs to go to the gym.

wewereherefirst · 21/01/2013 09:45

Chunderella- does working mean you don't need to do any housework at all?

For those who work, take note! Grin

Panzee · 21/01/2013 09:47

wewereherefirst that works for me- but I live n a tip! :)

Chunderella · 21/01/2013 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisaeuphemism · 21/01/2013 10:00

Eh?

Chunderella · 21/01/2013 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisaeuphemism · 21/01/2013 10:23

Oh. Let's be friends, chunderella.

NB. I will not do your hoovering tho ;)

Thisisaeuphemism · 21/01/2013 10:28

Oh. Let's be friends, chunderella.

NB. I will not do your hoovering tho ;)

Chunderella · 21/01/2013 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisaeuphemism · 21/01/2013 10:39

Ha!

CrapBag · 22/01/2013 20:24

Wow!!!

This is when my amazing bluntness comes in handy.

Being handed a list of that sort would have resulted in a "ROFL nice try!" whilst I take the dinner in the kitchen that I had brought around.

AnyoneforTurps · 22/01/2013 20:47

Anyone out there willing to lend me a baby so I can try this out on my friends?

FobblyWoof · 22/01/2013 20:51

Wow, what a dickhead!

Some books suggest that o take all the help you can get, but seriously? WTAF?!

(I've only read the OP and I'm pissed off-I can't take ten pages!)

Chunderella · 23/01/2013 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyoneforTurps · 23/01/2013 18:42

No problem, Chunderella, I'll just add "Clear up baby poo" to the list that I hand to visitors.

BinkyWinky · 23/01/2013 19:10

Any update on this?

Original poster
Sal77 · 04/02/2013 15:37

Well, after giving her a wide birth for a week (I'm guessing she'll have had lots of visitors then anyway) I visited again (without dinner this time) and to my surprise she didn't hand me a list or ask me to do anything... I can only assume someone must have said something? I have no idea... House seemed reasonably tidy considering, maybe all her other guests exhausted the jobs on the list and left me with none?

OP posts:
EarnestDullard · 04/02/2013 15:43

Madness OP. I think it's accpetable for the mum of a newborn to ask a visitor to stick the kettle on, but to demand that they do actual housework is way OTT. Especially as you'd brought them a home-cooked meal.

Then again.. my house has been a tip for the 4 months since DD2 was born. Maybe I missed a trick Grin