Friend wants dinner and housework before I can have newborn cuddles...

[Sal77]

My close friend has recently had a baby. I went round to see her after she'd got out of hospital with a lasagne I'd cooked for them for dinner. When I arrived I was given a piece of paper with a list of chores and told to choose one (I did some hoovering whilst she sat on the sofa with the baby, her DH was at the gym she said). It was a little awkward. Only after that could I have a look/cuddle of the baby.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand having a newborn baby is hard work and I'm happy to help out (I also bought the bump Christmas presents, birthday presents and arranged the baby shower before baby was born). I didn't mind cooking her and her DH dinner, but I feel as though being asked to do housework on arrival was a bit rude given I'd already done dinner...

My friend did mention before the baby arrived about her idea to only allow guests over if they bring dinner and do chores but I didn't think she was that serious about it... And of course I don't mind helping out with babysitting and cooking dinners... But I did think it very rude to ask me to hoover too...

AIBU?

Fucking nora, is she usually such a twat?

That's rude to use a baby as a houseworking bartering tool.

She's got classic PFB symptoms, she may need a little guidance to show some manners.

"Hmm OP your friend is being a touch rude, but I think new mothers can be forgiven. Her head is probably a mess. It was very kind of you to take the lasagne and do the tidying for her- you did the right thing."

Oh I completely disagree with that.

OK, some have a hard birth, some have a CS & need to do as little as possible.

But FFS-when did new mothers become such precious flowers that they can treat a friend like shit & it´s OK because she´s a new mother???

And she´s got a fucking husband who lives with her!

Sorry but imo you have to be some kind of hard nosed bitch to actually write a list, let alone implement it!

Whilst I would have loved for someone to come round and clean and prepare meals for me, I do think your friend is being rude.
Her dh was at the gym to top it all!
She should be grateful that you cooked a meal, how lovely, you sound like a very good friend.
I wouldn't be surprised if all her friends stop visiting as her precious child grows up and becomes just another child. Who the hell wants to visit someone and be told to cook and hoover.

On the other hand my inlaws got on my wick, sitting in my house drinking cups of tea, being fed and staying till all hours without either of them lifting a finger to so much as make me a drink. When my second dc was born I told my dh no visitors till I specify as all the endless unanounced visits wore me down.

She sounds like an entitled cow tbh. Handing you a list with a chore is ott. If you offered, thats entirely different but actually giving you a list isnt on. You took her dinner and presents she still expected something else.
Cheeky, cheeky cow.
I would have left the dinner and presents and said i had to go. Leaving her thinking i was a miserable bitch but me knowing she was entitled.

hhmmmm i have recently had a baby (with a terrible birth and lots of recovery still ongoing) and was given similar advice on mn and by the midwife and hv. Basically i was told if people are coming over they have to do chores or shouldn't come over. With DH working long hours and a 2hr commute away and then 2 wks in the states when ds was 3 wks old we decided to get a cleaner - i would have NEVER told asked people to do chores.

It's hilarious - ok she can't Hoover - what's the big deal of leaving it?

I've recently heard of this new "babymooning" thing. Could this be part of that ?

It says this

Organise help from friends and relatives ? remember, people feel privileged to share the love of a baby

Maybe the OPs friend has been bodysnatched by more Hardcore Radical BabyMooners ?

'Choose a job off the list then you can see the baby'.

Fucking hell, what a twat. I hope she is reading this thread.

I'd have said 'Oh it's OK, I'm not that bothered, byeeeeeeeeeee'

posted too soon.

However, it's amazing how many people expect to be fed and waited on, so maybe she's heard that and is clumsily trying to stop that happening. Even those who did offer to help did things which didn't need doing ie mum coming over and ironing all my bedding (which i never do) or cook elaborate meals which take loads of prep and use every pan, 'as a treat' when i could have been eating beans on toast for all i cared at that agonising zombie point after new baby arrives. Or ones who say i'll hold the baby while you make dinner 'erm i wasn't actually planning on making anything other than cereal'!

i know i sound ungrateful and never would have been anything but gracious. i do think she's being rude tho.

Chunderella, you really are defending the indefensible - here clean up my house and feed me, me and my husband can't be arsed.

I would happily offer to do something for a friend.

It´s the idea that they can do/say anything & it must be tolerated because they´ve just had a baby that I loathe.

Society is becoming very entitled imo.

I hesitate to ask you for another favour, bur be nice and tell your mutual circle how she's behaving so they can choose to avoid her & PFB.

"People feel privileged to share the life of a new baby". Um, a lot of people turn up because they feel obliged to conform with politeness norms and breathe through their mouths for half an hour bearing an expression of rapt interest and checking the train time discreetly on their phone.

With dd I had a ventouse, stitches, pnd, but would never ever be so rude as to present a frend with a list of chores and ask them to choose one. I would have asked friend to hold the baby whist I had a whip round with the Hoover or run some bleach in the toilet. No hormones s not sn ECCS to be rude s had this pned beforehand bu op though sh would ever go through with it

Think the husband having swanned off to the gym makes this even worse - if she were on her own with the baby it would be more reasonable to ask friends to help, though it would still be more graceful to ask "would you mind helping me out with the hoovering" instead of presenting you with a task list as if you were her cleaner.

In the day we bought ds home, I came in to find my mil, dsil and my ds cleaning the house for us. (mil had a key for emergencies). We came in, they settled me and ds on the sofa, made me a cup of tea, then carried on cleaning, and making dinner. It was lovely as very unexpected. I didn't trade baby cuddles for it, they did it because they wanted to.

I think that she is taking the midwife advice too seriously, my midwife told me to get visitors doing housework, I didn't though.

YANBU, this is very odd and rude.

However I am taking notes should I ever have a newborn!

It's rude... Though I kind of admire her chutzpah!

But you read this all the time on MN. It's exactly the sort of advice I can imagine a poster giving: make sure you get all your visitors to bring food and do your housework. I think people forget that it is your own bloody choice to procreate and, while it can be immensely tiring, it's not a disease.

Hilarious! I think she's an mner who's taken some of the 'ensure guests help out' advice a bit seriously.

I'm pretty sure that most people who same to see me & DS asked if they could do anything and some (the closest friends) definitely did some washing up or hung laundry but only because they offered!

Run for the hills. My (ex) friend was still demanding visitors "muck in" - i.e. do her chores whilst she relaxed - when her PFB was seven years old. She really thought we were THAT desperate to visit him.