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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country

770 replies

EspressoMonkey · 20/01/2013 09:30

First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.

DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.

The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.

Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.

HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.

They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.

On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).

I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.

I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?

OP posts:
NutellaNutter · 20/01/2013 21:12

Littlemissabs you are possibly the most stupid person to have ever posted on an internet forum.

diddl · 20/01/2013 21:15

Is *littlemissabs" one of the "guests" thrust upon the OP?

Who didn´t actually want, from what I can see to visit her, but to use her place as a free base for a holiday?

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems · 20/01/2013 21:16

YANBU OP I would expect a 20 year old to know better, perhaps her and her friends watched Chalet Girl prior to visiting you? I seem to remember the employees having a party and trashing the chalet while the owners were away

Wouldn't invite them back but then I don't like selfish, spoiled, entitled, chavy, vindictive people who are unable to tidy their own mess...

LesMiss I think the op comes out of this quite well not sure why you are implying otherwise?

LittleChimneyDroppings · 20/01/2013 21:16

Are you sure you're not one of the spoilt brats who stayed with the op littlemiss?

LessMissAbs · 20/01/2013 21:16

Yes, I'm for real. I don't think getting hysterical about a bit of relatively minor, unpleasant damage is going to help.

Its the OP's job to host guests, and make them feel welcome. This is going to sound terribly rude, but what else does she do? Yes, raises the DCs. Very good. But she should be able to host her DH's relatives without this sort of carry on. And if it happens, she should deal with it.

I didn't like the tone of her post, where she boasted about having been gifted a ski chalet. FWIW DH and I own 4 properties between us, but I wouldn't dream of boasting about it. OP is extremely lucky to have two homes in a foreign country, and not to have to work at letting out the ski chalet to make ends meet.

Most people in the OP's position would have to let out that ski chalet to make it pay for itself at least. The OP is incredibly fortunate that she doesn't have to do this.

Yes, I am lucky in that I have a house in the country, another house in a different part of the country and two large flats in the best part of the city. But I do holiday lets with the latter two, and I deal with the mess created afterwards. Most guests are fine, but I have dealt with much, much worse than some dirty sheets and drink purloined. Such as broken dining tables, smashed coffee tables, ruined carpets, wallpaper set on fire by candles, flooded baths, smashed windows, etc. And no, their deposits don't cover it - I have to arrange for the insurance to pay up.

That is the reality for most people even in the OP's fortunate position.

Whipping up a hysterical frenzy about the awful behaviour of the guests (and its not the worst I've ever heard) isn't going to do any good, deal with it, move on and don't have them again.

QOD · 20/01/2013 21:20

Good job you're not a boaster aye LesMis ....

LittleChimneyDroppings · 20/01/2013 21:20

I don't think the op is boasting at all. She just mentioned it, as its rather integral to the story. Are you boasting? After all you have no need to mention you have 4 houses, do you? Hmm

besmirchedandbewildered · 20/01/2013 21:21

Why is it the OP's job to host guests? It's her home.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 20/01/2013 21:21

And who gives a shiny shit if she works or not, apart from you?

FeltOverlooked · 20/01/2013 21:21

Why is it the OP's job to host guests?

Gigondas · 20/01/2013 21:22

Yes people can damage rented property and behave badly. But this is family- I dont think it is hysterical to be upset about that.

Gigondas · 20/01/2013 21:23

Also I notice you missed the point about her not being able to work.

And I must have missed the bit about putting up with any old shit if you are a sahm.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/01/2013 21:24

You have insurance and have chosen to let out your properties, LessMiss - the OP will not be able to claim this on insurance, and didn't want these guests in the first place, but did it as a kindness to them - kindness that was repaid with disgusting behaviour.

Do you honestly think any of the behaviour was acceptable from guests in someone's home? Because I sure as hell don't.

ConferencePear · 20/01/2013 21:27

LessMissAbs - they were not renting this place. They were house guests.
I don't shout about it either but I have a second house in another country and have had members of my OHs family treat me shabbily but it has always been about thoughtlessness and never antagonism.
Why let your holiday home out for rent if you don't need the money ? Frankly I can do without the aggro.
If people came and stayed in your main home just for a cheap holiday would you really think this behaviour OK ?

thegreylady · 20/01/2013 21:29

The OP was hosting relatives in her only 'owned' home.It isnt one of 4 like your Missm it isnt a holiday let it is her permanent base-a place she can always come back to despite staying in rented accommodation through the week.
She should not have to tolerate infantile behaviour from people old enough to know better.They were very lucky she let them stay the night.

ConferencePear · 20/01/2013 21:31

LessMissAbs - they were not renting this place. They were house guests.
I don't shout about it either but I have a second house in another country and have had members of my OHs family treat me shabbily but it has always been about thoughtlessness and never antagonism.
Why let your holiday home out for rent if you don't need the money ? Frankly I can do without the aggro.
If people came and stayed in your main home just for a cheap holiday would you really think this behaviour OK ?

LtEveDallas · 20/01/2013 21:31

at Lessmiss saying the OP is boasting Grin

Inertia · 20/01/2013 21:33

LessMiss it is the OP's own ski chalet. It was bought specifically for her and given as a birthday gift. Even if it were bought for the family, using family income from her DH's paid work, she would still have ownership rights as they are married. And her 'job' is the work she does for her family and to bring up her child- she is most certainly under no obligation to entertain, feed, transport and take abuse from a bunch of arsey young women. If they wanted to drink, smoke, and party with unknown men then they should have hired their own chalet.

EspressoMonkey - I agree that the points laid out by KungFuPanda are very well made, and that your DH should be having words with his mother and his sister over this. I'd make it absolutely clear that you will never again allow your home to be used by relatives, and that your SIL isn't welcome to visit. I'd also consider invoicing the SIL for the damage, with a copy to MIL- even if you know full well that they'll never pay it, SIL needs to understand that her actions have consequences.

And of course YWNBU to not drive them to the airport.

ConferencePear · 20/01/2013 21:35

Oops ! Sorry about the double post.

breatheslowly · 20/01/2013 21:40

It is not her job to host unwanted guests. Jobs are generally the exchange of services for money. Letting her HSIL and friends trash her home and upset her family with no financial return is not job. Nor is it something that any SAHM, WOHM or anyone at all should have to put up with, whether they own or rent, whether they are rich or poor.

catsmother · 20/01/2013 21:40

Right, so if you know someone who's more fortunate than you that means you can treat them and their property with contempt ?

On that basis, it's a good job I'm housetrained or else I'd be vandalising other people's homes every time I stepped out of mine and into someone else's.

I've never heard anything so ridiculous as the implication that somehow OP bought this on herself and/or deserves what happened and/or should have expected and then accepted it.

Those nasty little bitches have no excuse for what they did.

Flatbread · 20/01/2013 21:45

The only part I agree with the poster with 4 houses Grin is her advice to move on. It is not serious enough to warrant a war with mil and saying no relatives allowed.

DH and mil need to have a serious talk with hsil about her/friends behaviour with regard to the offensive comments and especially bringing strange men into OP's home. She needs to apologise sincerely to op and do something nice for her. And then they put it behind them.

None of this nonsense about charging for sheets, champagne etc. It is just petty and exacerbates an already tense family situation.

edam · 20/01/2013 21:45

This reply has been deleted

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thegreylady · 20/01/2013 21:48

Grin @ edam

Gigondas · 20/01/2013 21:49

Yes but Which of her places Edam?