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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country

770 replies

EspressoMonkey · 20/01/2013 09:30

First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.

DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.

The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.

Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.

HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.

They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.

On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).

I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.

I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?

OP posts:
thegreylady · 20/01/2013 21:50

just popped back to wave excitedly to Gig :)

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 20/01/2013 21:52

Nah, let's send the HSIL and her mates to one of the houses - they are professionals at this after all Grin

Gigondas · 20/01/2013 21:57

Waves back at greylady Grin

Gigondas · 20/01/2013 21:58

Waves back at greylady Grin

HollaAtMeBaby · 20/01/2013 22:04

Staggered at the rudeness of LesMissAbs... jealousy is an ugly thing.

The ski instructors sound like nice boys, OP. I can't believe how badly the girls have behaved!!!

ChocolateTeacup · 20/01/2013 22:10

Wow. At 20 she is an adult, I had a mortgage at that age! Do not in any way feel bad about them making their own way to the airport. Also, do NOT let your MIL just blow it over with a hahaha so funny

difficultpickle · 20/01/2013 22:27

I would let MIL know about the sheets, men, vomit and consumed champagne. I assume MIL and her husband fund your HSIL. If I were your MIL I would be deducting the cost out of whatever money I give to HSIL until it is paid in full. Appalling behaviour.

LessMissAbs should be finishing her homework and getting an early night assuming her school is open tomorrow.

KhallDrogo · 20/01/2013 22:32

They sound really really awful girls. But, Im not sure that MiL can do much about it/ whether she should be apologising...they are 20 years old...presumably they don't live at home...they are adults...its not like MiL can 'tell them off'. They are responsible for themselves, as immature as they are

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 20/01/2013 22:38

V unpleasant, poor you, hope MIL is sensible & this doesn't escalate to a family feud, just a stupid nasty little beep who needs to grow up. Grrrr on your behalf!

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 20/01/2013 22:42

Lessmiss. What the fuck!

Yfronts · 20/01/2013 22:53

You really should tell MIL/HSIL to replace the champagne and bedding plus food and petrol costs. It's only fair.

Yfronts · 20/01/2013 22:54

Agree, also tell MIL about what you know of the evening.

Jinsei · 20/01/2013 22:55

lessmiss Shock WTF!

OP, yadnbu. I don't think your MIL should pay the bill, but she does need to know how her daughter behaved, and she should help you to get a reimbursement from HSIL.

Sadly, I don't think SIL will learn her lesson, and I doubt you'll get any money out of her, so when you've made your point, I think you'll just have to chalk it up to experience and avoid hosting any more relatives from now on!

KhallDrogo · 20/01/2013 22:59

Tell the MiL what you know of the night? really???? Id been left home 4 years at age 20..wont MiL be a bit Confused....shes not responsible for her dds behaviour at age 20!!

VictoriaPlum01 · 20/01/2013 23:03

YADNBU. Think of it as an exciting little adventure for them to top off their week of staying in a luxury ski chalet. Ungrateful little twats Angry

Inertia · 20/01/2013 23:04

KhallDrogo but it was MIL who insisted that the OP allow these women to visit, and MIL who gave assurances about how lovely and helpful they all were.

DeepRedBetty · 20/01/2013 23:06

KhallDrogo Mil gave hsis and her chums a glowing reference when she was hassling cajoling the OP into letting them stay, she has to take some responsibility.

Jinsei · 20/01/2013 23:11

MIL is not responsible for her dd's behaviour and shouldn't have to foot the bill, but if I had vouched for someone's good character, I would sure as hell want to know how badly they'd let me down.

I don't think there is any need to fall out with MIL over this issue, just make it clear how disappointed you and DH are in HSIL's attitude, and let her know that you won't be hosting any more guests in future.

LaVitaBellissima · 20/01/2013 23:13

Serves them right OP, I would definitely be sending an invoice for the bedding and champagne!

Bloody hell Angry

KhallDrogo · 20/01/2013 23:15

it doesnt say in the OP that MiL hassled or insisted that the girls use the chalet. It says she asked and OP was reluctant. Its not clear whether OP conveyed her reluctance to MiL. The comments the MiL made about the girls being lovely/doing some baby-sitting in return, just sounds like a suggestion/her opinion

MiL doesnt have to take responsibility for a 20 year old dd!! She will no doubt be embarrassed by her dd, but shes way past reprimanding age.

What age do you think people should take responsibility for their own behaviour? Confused

DuelingFanjHoHoHo · 20/01/2013 23:19

I am curious about how they thought the we're getting back to the airport, was DH going to do it until the crisis at work and didn't the op and he discuss what would happen once he knew he was going to be unavailabe for the return to the airport?

ThatVikRinA22 · 20/01/2013 23:24

yanbu.
they were rude, they abused your hospitality, your home, your champagne, your food, your pool. sod them. let them find their way back home.

i would make MIL very much aware of what a nightmare they were and i would make it very clear that they have caused X amount of pounds worth of damage and that they will not be welcome in your home again.

its inexcusable.

and lessmiss
the OP s job was not to play hostess - it was a favour. a freebie holiday, and they abused the situation. OP isnt running a holiday let - this is her home and she has a right to have it respected by non paying guests.

i would be beyond livid.

YellowDinosaur · 20/01/2013 23:30

Lessmis you are surely having a laugh! I wouldn't treat a place I was paying to stay in like this, never mind the family home of someone who was kindly letting me stay in for nothing!

They are rude entitled bitches and while I totally agree that mil is not responsible for the behaviour of her adult dd she deserves to know about the behaviour of people she is vouching for so that she knows they don't deserve this next time.

I'd be sending a bill for the damage, champagne and cleaning (expecting that it would not be paid) as well as a detailed description as to why their behaviours was totally unacceptable. Then I'd draw a line under it and move on, but I'd never again let anyone stay who wasn't someone I had invited myself.

QueenStromba · 20/01/2013 23:36

I agree with others, if the OP has a job then it's to look after the DCs, not the adult half sister of her DH who he barely knows plus her mates. I really can't believe LessMissAbs attitude - the OP clearly stated that she misses her old life and is only in her current situation for her DH's sake, she obviously wasn't intending to be a kept woman.

Lavenderhoney · 21/01/2013 05:24

It was the ops home. It was wrecked by guests she didnt really want and allowed to stay as they are extended family. It's not a holiday let! And even if it was, treating people property like this is awful, even if you are paying!

I agree mil shouldn't have to pay- though she might offer- but certainly if I had said people were ok I would have wanted all the details if they let me down.

At least your mil will not be able to browbeat you in the future op and get you to do stuff you would rather not.

Those poor young men- still its a lesson for them too. Pop stars! How idiotic.