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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country

770 replies

EspressoMonkey · 20/01/2013 09:30

First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.

DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.

The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.

Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.

HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.

They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.

On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).

I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.

I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 20/01/2013 19:10

Wow! Will that break the pool filter, do you know?

Angry for you.

wriggletto · 20/01/2013 19:11

Shock this has all the makings of an, 'oh, they/we were just being high-spirited youngsters - don't you think it's rather funny? It's only a joke that went too far...' indulgent excuse, from them and possibly MIL. It's not. Don't be made to feel as if you over-reacted!

INeedThatForkOff · 20/01/2013 19:19

Fucking hell, what an utter pair of twats. They are probably very jealous of you so am I which doesn't in any way excuse their behaviour.

It's about so much more than the material damage. I hope you get a groveling apology, but I doubt it.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 20/01/2013 19:21

Wow I don't remember being that thick at 15 let alone 20. As you already know Yanbu op, I can't believe the nerve of some people

clicketyclick66 · 20/01/2013 19:27

I am horrified at the behaviour of these girls, I hope their journey was difficult and shocked them into seeing the error of their ways. But I doubt it as they're obviously spoiled brats that can't think of anybody but themselves.

YWNBU, if they are old enough to go on holiday, go out to nightclubs and drink alcohol they are certainly old enough to find their way home.

At least the two lads are decent people.

cees · 20/01/2013 19:34

YANBU

Please tell me you won't be having those lazy cows over again, pack of bitches.

Corygal · 20/01/2013 19:35

It gets worse and worse. If boys had behaved like that, trashing your house, hoovering your supplies, raiding your drink etc, you'd practically have called the police. The males involved were panicking you would do just that.

But girls.... seem to have got away with it rather more lightly. At 20 to pretend you are a pop star is a bit lame too. What nasty little losers (and I was right, the local boys did think they were 'ladies of entertainment'.)

NonnoMum · 20/01/2013 19:36

Decent lads.

The pop star thing is a leetle bit funny.

The vandalism is not.

Do not put anything on FB - that's what common people do. But a letter/email to the 20 year old (not MiL) requesting a contribution towards new bedding/cleaning in a business like manner would be OK.

Flatbread · 20/01/2013 19:37

On one hand I am Grin at the girls pretending that they are pop stars

OTOH I am Shock at bringing two strange men home. What if they were violent, had guns or were rapists? How can you compromise the security and well-being of your host in such a manner? They knew OP was there alone with her children. What if the men were scouting the house and came again to take advantage of the situation? This was dangerously stupid thing to do and HSIL and her friends need to be pulled up very sharply for their behaviour.

ConferencePear · 20/01/2013 19:47

....... the bright side the apology of these young men makes it clear that the OP is not the unreasonable, narrow-minded, fuddy-duddy that the SIL will probably try to say she is.

ohfunnyhoneyface · 20/01/2013 19:52

Outrageous behaviour.

What horrid girls.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 20/01/2013 20:00

I hope you told your mother in law about the names they called you? That's the worst bit in my opinion.

Id send another email with an update of what you know including the insults, vomit and champagne stealing and chucking in the pool.

dutchyoriginal · 20/01/2013 20:01

Unbelievable! Your DH must talk to MIL and HSIL about this. When can he help download the photos to a computer? Even if you don't ask for compensation, your MIL should know about the damage and the young men (with the proof of the photos and the note!), so that she knows how her daughter has behaved. Angry on your behalf!

EspressoMonkey · 20/01/2013 20:01

DH is not back until tomorrow night. Maybe he was right, i shouldn't have invited them in. One of them was wearing his ski instructors jacket so i do believe they were telling the truth though. Feel rather uncomfortable so off to bed for an early night, shattered anyway.

No reply from MIL, though no doubt she is waiting for HSIL to return and get her side of the story before she replies. Just checked EasyJet and their flight doesn't land until after 11pm my time so not expecting anything until tomorrow.

Fished the bottles out of the pool with the net, assume the sick has gone through the pool filter. Yuk.

Just Googled the Champagne, and Waitrose are selling it at £79 per bottle.

Thus they drank £237 worth of champers! Ok it was a gift from a business associate, but still!

Bedding is out of the wash, foundation and liquid eyelines/mascara is still there. The bronzing powder seems to have gone. So the bedding is ruined. Will recycle it, not worth keeping as it will only bring back bad memories.

Anyway, off to bed. Goodnight. And thanks for being so supportive everyone.

Will post again when MIL replies.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/01/2013 20:07

From your OP, Espresso, it sounds as if the damage to the sheets was deliberate retaliation for what you did - and frankly, in my opinion, your MIL does have some responsibility because she raised this nasty, vindictive, entitled little madam!

Cornsyilk99 · 20/01/2013 20:08

Shock shocking behaviour
Entitled spoilt rude nasty girls

BartletForTeamGB · 20/01/2013 20:20

I'd be sending HSIL a bill for the champagne and the sheets. Yes, she'd probably not pay for it but it would make the point.

Trazzletoes · 20/01/2013 20:37

I would bill HSil for the bedding and champagne and any pool cleaning required. If she ignores it as no doubt she will then escalate to Mil.

breatheslowly · 20/01/2013 20:39

I agree with Trazzletoes and Bartlet. She can split the cost with her friends and it will still have been cheaper than paying for a chalet.

conkercon · 20/01/2013 20:55

Just awful behaviour from spoilt little brats. Yuk at vomit in the pool :-(

LessMissAbs · 20/01/2013 20:59

I feel for your DH who not only has a selfish HSIS but has managed to surround himself with equally selfish, spoilt, entitled people in his life.

Noblesse oblige OP. Since I assume you do not work enough to afford your own ski chalet, your "job" includes being a good hostess. You went into this visit with the wrong attitude, you saw it as a nuisance, you decided you didn't like your visitors in advance, rather than using it as an opportunity to widen your social circle and perhaps do something slightly different for a short time. You honestly do come across as more of a 64 year old than a 34 year old.

None of this excuses the damage, although I doubt you had to phone your DH at work with it - can you not just deal with it calmly, it doesn't sound that horrendous, and tell him in time.

I do think the visitors sound chavvy, but theres a tiny part of me (and I'm anything but) which is almost thinking they did this to shake your world up a little bit. Yes its upsetting, but being in tears over a small party is OTT, as if is treating this mess as world-ending.

No matter how annoying your guests, you should have ensured their return visit was planned in plenty of time. Even if through gritted teeth if necessary. Your DH was very kind to do a 6 hour round trip drive to collect them on arrival when he works full-time; the least you could have done was the same.

Since you seem to be so strict in your opinions on how people should behave, perhaps update your copy of Debretts and how to deal with visitors.

I don't think you or the guests come out of this that well actually.

FryingNemo · 20/01/2013 21:05

Are you for real, lessmissabs?

OP YANBU at all.

kasbah72 · 20/01/2013 21:06

^are you for real??!!^
What a ridiculous post. She didn't invite these people. She had no need to 'hostess' and was told that they were coming partly to help out with very young family. Instead, these uninvited idiots trashed the house, trashed the pool, invited strange men back for a party, stole and drank hundreds of £££ worth of champagne and were unbearably rude.

Yet you think the op sounds like she is 65 years old and needs to hand out copies of Debretts???

How on earth is having uninvited guests that are 15 years younger AND LIVE IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY widening your social circle???

OP, ignore. Sounds like a hideous situation and I really hope your DH can sort out the photo downloads to send to his mother.

Gigondas · 20/01/2013 21:07

Really littlemissabs?

  1. It's ok to abuse your hostess and bring back strange people to the house
  1. Ok to smoke drink expensive wine (not a quick trip to fridge to raid whatever is in there)
  1. Ok to ruin bedding with no apology and explanation
  1. Ok to do a 6 hour round trip in snow with small dc (let alone after the above).

Also (although besides the point) op may not be able to work if she is a trailing spouse- it isn't always that easy.

ExitPursuedByABear · 20/01/2013 21:11

Really Les Mis?

Glad your are not in my social circle.

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