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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country

770 replies

EspressoMonkey · 20/01/2013 09:30

First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.

DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.

The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.

Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.

HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.

They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.

On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).

I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.

I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 22/01/2013 08:17

The house my parents lived in came with my Mum's job. They bought a holiday home for two reasons, firstly to have a foothold on the property market, secondly to get away from the job. It was never rented out.

I think the only purpose of Lesmiss posting is to boast despite her saying otherwise.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 22/01/2013 10:09

please update with how your DH has torn his sister a new one explained how disappointed and upset he is with her and friends behaviour.

LessMissAbs · 22/01/2013 10:36

trixymalixy I think the only purpose of Lesmiss posting is to boast despite her saying otherwise

Think what you like. Personally, I can't stand fakes, and I equally can't stand people who become abusive because one person isn't a sheep sticks their head above the rest of the sheep to say so.

Cringe-making stuff really.

I'm still looking forward to Edam's promised visit to seek out and vandalise my home.

fruityxmasAbuHamzamouse · 22/01/2013 11:20

Les mis. You have a different opinion - thats fine - bravo. Just because the majority of people have agreed with the original poster (that her guests treated her appallingly and she has the right to be upset) does not make them sheep. It means they are sympathetic with her situation. Continually calling other people sheep who disagree with is rather churlish.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 22/01/2013 11:24

lessmiss are you saying you think it is ok for family to come to your home - and trash your pool, steal alcohol and smear make up all over the place? Not to mention, bringing unknown men home and being verbally abusive to boot?

abuhamzamouse · 22/01/2013 11:26

who diasgree with you - damm

Pagwatch · 22/01/2013 11:27

I always love it when people spouting bollocks try to portray themselves as bastions of free thought rather than simply the holder of wanky opinions

PureQuintessence · 22/01/2013 11:27

Clearly LessMissAbs is The Husbands Sister.

TheCraicDealer · 22/01/2013 11:28

I always love it when people spouting bollocks try to portray themselves as bastions of free thought rather than simply the holder of wanky opinions

Love it.

EspressoMonkey · 22/01/2013 11:43

No update, DH is stuck in an airport somewhere thanks to multiple flight delays. No further news from MIL and funnily enough no promised email with HSIL's email address.

But thankfully, no further empty bottles of pinched champagne uncovered.

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 22/01/2013 11:53

Agree with pagwatch.

Whocansay · 22/01/2013 11:55

I just wanted to say that I admire the way that you've dealt with this situation. Your SIL had thrown your generosity in your face though, so for future harmony in family dynamics, I wouldn't let her off. I would make her replace the champagne and sheets and would expect an apology.

I wouldn't let your MIL off either. After all, it was she who assured you how helpful and lovely all these girls would be...

And some people on this thread appear to have ISHOOS with a capital ISH. Envy wishes my husband would buy me a ski chalet

CSIJanner · 22/01/2013 11:59

I can get you get email address! She's at uni? Do you know which one? it's really quite easy to search through for people within a uni website, even students and either find or deduce their email address.

I have total sympathy for you BTW. I had a cousin who informed us he was coming over to work and needed somewhere to stay. My parents said no and I don't know how but we ended up with him. No rent which was agreed in the beginning, no money for overseas phone calls and the first time he brought a girl home, he got his first and final warning. The second time, he quoffed about £180 worth of chateau neuf du pape (fab wine) which we had laid down for a special occasion and shared with the same girl, whilst swearing at DH who had been biting his tongue because open was thinking of me. After that episode, he was given 24hours to leave and told to apologise to DH. He never did but his mother made him pay for bills and phone calls. It's quite disheartening when family take the piss because you're supposed to be able to trust family and feel safe/reassured in your own home.

NotInGuatemalaNowDrRopata · 22/01/2013 12:02

Definitely what Flatbread said.

Yfronts · 22/01/2013 12:02

Hope you don't uncover anymore champagne bottles - HSIL has cost you an arm and a leg already. Is it worth emailing MIL and asking for email address again.

Yfronts · 22/01/2013 12:03

Yes I think you have dealt with things very well too.

EspressoMonkey · 22/01/2013 12:08

Yes pagwatch! Well put.

No not going to bother emailing MIL anymore. I think i should give HSIL a week or so to see if she sees the error if her ways. It is her birthday next month. If i don't hear from her by then she certainly won't be hearing from us.

OP posts:
PeerieMootsMum · 22/01/2013 12:13

Hmm have been lurking here for a couple of days but can't bite my tongue any longer.

LessMiss you're absolutely entitled to your opinion, each to their own and all that. What is objectionable however is the way you seem to speak for everyone who owns more than one property - not everyone wants to mortgage themselves up to have a portfolio and this attitude was a big contributor to the property crash and having a bolt hole for your family at the weekends is lovely as many people don't get much family time. As for not getting a say in who stays in your home and having to play host dogsbody to all and sundry Shock

OP totally agree with most that this was bang out of order, can't imagine how angry I'd be to wake up with strange men smoking and partying in my home! Really glad for you that they turned out to be nice, phew!

BacardiNCoke · 22/01/2013 12:25

OP when you get the photos uploaded to your PC not only would I be emailing them to MIL I'd put them on FB and tag HSIL in them let all her friends see the damage she caused!

harryhausen · 22/01/2013 12:31

Pagwatch, I think I'm going to print out your post and have it on my wall. Brilliance.

I'll go back to lurking now.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/01/2013 12:42

LessMissAbs - you are not intellectually or morally superior because you have a different opinion to the majority on here. Stooping to personal insults does not do anything for the credibility of your argument - other than diminishing it, of course.

BlueberryHill · 22/01/2013 12:47

Pagwatch, a sage for our times.

Writehand · 22/01/2013 13:10

YANBU No one could have behaved better than you. Your hospitality should earn you stacks of Brownie points with your MIL. I'd try to ensure, tactfully, that as many of her family as possible know how much you had to put up with. I'd send a couple of pix of the worst mess to your MIL with a calm friendly email which assumes that she'll be as appalled as you. You, as a DIL, have more than done your bit for your DH's family.

I think I might say something like "You know what the young can be like. At that age they're so selfish. When they have their own children I expect they'll cringe with shame." By making your criticism generic you create a little bit of distance rather than a direct attack on your HSIL as an individual, while at the same time appealing to your MIL as another mother.

SpicyPear · 22/01/2013 13:32

Cheers pagwatch. Exactly.

Well done OP on being so restrained. I hope you get the apology you deserve from HSIL.

Astelia · 22/01/2013 13:51

Grin Bacardi. I would certainly e-mail MIL and HSIL the photos. FB is not a good idea unless you want to end up on the front page of the Daily Mail. Soooo tempting though....