To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country

[EspressoMonkey]

First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.

DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.

The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.

Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.

HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.

They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.

On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).

I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.

I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?

LessMiss, is having a housemate in the house you do not own and only lease is 'making the assets work' for you? Further, without boasting, why do you live in a rental when you own an extensive portfolio of properties in the city? Shut up and leave the OP alone.

Ok sounds like you did your best then. Hope you get it sorted out ok with your inlaws.

YANBU. Rude and vile girls. I hope someone takes the time to bring HSIL up on her behaviour.

I suppose if you left them a bottle of wine for their 1 am arrival (however kind that was), the tone was set?

But LesMiss - I think you are focussing on the fact that the family house in question is a ski chalet - but it's actually as close to a family home as the OP has, they spend their weekends there, they dont rent it out and don't have regular guests, so why would you assume they have staff like it was a rented out chalet?? Most people in the UK who have holiday homes don't pay for staff. At best you might get someone popping in once a week to clean but a lot don't.

I can see if you rent one property near your DH's work then the 'second home' that you own would have more emotional investment than the rental place you don't own and probably wont stay in for a long time. Les Miss - would you feel the same if the HSIL had trashed their main rented house?

And I might have missed it, but have you said why you think a stay at home mum's job is to host guests? You do get that most people who are SAHP don't reguarly have guests. Your family might work like that, your DH might consider it to be "your job" to play the hostess, but very few SAHMs have regular house guests and host people. Also, in your case, why on earth would you invite someone into your home who broke your dining table and didn't replace it for you? I can't fathem why anyone would think that because they aren't poor any old hanger on has a right to trash their stuff as 'payback' for being 'lucky'.

Op, I think this is what I would do in your place.

I would wait for a week. And then write an email to hsil, cc'ing mil.

Tell her you were hurt and disappointed in their behaviour, especially compromising your security by getting strange men in late at night and then calling you names when you asked the men to leave.

Mention the damage on the sheets and the vomit in the pool,but say you will take care of it.

But then, say you are very disappointed on her brother's behalf that the girls drank four bottles of champagne that DH had bought and cellared for a special occasion.

You think it would be a nice gesture if the girls could get half a crate of the same champagne for dh, as a replacement and a gesture to say that they were sorry that they raided his wine cellar without asking.

First off, YANBU. And it never even occurred to me that you were boasting or (despite my experience of Mumsnet) that somebody would think of you boasting until LessMiss got on that rant.

BTW, she isn't terribly wrong about the horror and injustice of empty properties when people go homeless, but I'm sure that's not why she brought it up, and it's definitely not relevant to this thread.

I also don't think you're being unreasonable for asking for compensation, but wouldn't hold out much hope that you're going to get it, so don't let that ruin your life.

I'm disappointed by your MiL's reaction and enabling her daughter. Did you, either after previous visits, or after this one, mention the reasons you're reluctatnt to host her (the hair in sinks, etc)? Did you also specifically challenge her assumption that the make-up was an accident? Did you tell her about what the boys told you? And that her own daughter did not, as she had promised, help out in any way? If I were the MiL, whatever my feelings were for anybody, if they made me out to be a liar about something, I'd kick their butts from here to next January. (But definitely also work on other angles - the danger to her grandchildren, etc).

Sorry it's taken so long to reply - I really wanted to read all the messages! Keep us posted on further discussions with MiL. I think you should And NEVER let her talk you into any more houseguests.

Op, I don't think you are coming across precious at all. I would be fuming!
I think you have every right to expect the value of the damaged goods replaced.
In fact, I think they should have given you money, or at least a gift for your hospitality.

I would photo and itemise the bottles and bedding costs.

Email this to Mil and explain the strangers, smoking, early morning noise and the expense you have already forked out providing their food, pool repair and cleaning but that you are not willing to cover the expense of the drink they took without permission and damage to bedding and that you wish them to rectify their mess.
Suggest the girls pay half each- £250 is still a very very cheap holiday. And with free champagne thrown !

Thats what real people with real properties do

My sister has two flats, one of which she doesn't rent out. Despite this she is in fact a real person, and her flats are in fact real properties

I still think that while its really annoying and rude that your hospitality has been abused you should chalk it up to experience and get it laminated as future no unwanted guests insurance

I would rise above the whole thing now you have let your MIL know and not get drawn into invoicing anyone or sending further emails

Yes its not the point you can afford to absorb the cost of new sheets but by the same token why get het up about something you can easily resolve/replace ?

YANBU at all. What a bunch of rude, entitled little twits. Will your DH have words with his sister? I certainly hope so!

BTW, I did find the explanation of the chalet in the OP a bit unusual. Why not just say that you as a family bought a second home where you stay most weekends? The information about the DH buying it for the OP as a present, etc. strikes me as an odd setup. But that may be just because I've never understood couples who have separate finances. I know it works for many people, though.

Having said that, I don't think the OP is boasting in any way, simply laying out factual information. LesMiss has made some extraordinarily odd comments. It most certainly is not the OP's job to cater to a crowd of appalling houseguests! In fact, the OP was much more tolerant than I imagine I would have been in this situation.

Agree, wash your hands of this whole sorry drama and leave DH to sort it out. I would make sure he sends an itemised report of the damage done, and the fact that the ski instructor lads were very clear that the girls were equally involved and both helped themselves to the champagne - not that SIL was bullied or coerced. Your MIL can then choose to believe what she wants.

I still think it's a relatively low cost way to ever get out of hosting any of DH's family or MIL's hangers-on again though!

I cleaned holiday lets in the Highlands. I have never come in to clean and find that the guests got drunk, got sick, and left a mess. It's not normal for paying guests to trash the place. It sounds like lesMis isn't attracting the right sort of people to her properties.

I live in a rented house and have a 'holiday home' that I don't rent out. My parents stay there whenever they want; we only use it in school holidays and the odd weekend. We don't make any money out of it - we don't want to, it's ours, somewhere special to us and we don't particularly want to share.

Is that so wrong?

It's really hard to read this thread and ignore the ranting about op's chalet/ dh / transport arrangements etc from the back of the bus:)

Expresso, it just gets worse. Nice to know hdsis got back without wrecking the plane/ boat whatever. And has the balls to pretend its her friends fault, even my 5 yr old would know that wouldn't fly. Mil- well, there's none so blind as those that won't see. Total hogwash. And still no apologies. Entitled isnt a strong enough word really.

Good idea to let your dh deal with it. At least you know not to allow her to stay again, even if she does call you and apologise. An email isn't enough.

Please don't send gifts and cards again! That really will be admitting you were wrong somewhere. You and your dh should spend the money on yourselves and the dc instead. No explanation needed really!

Even if x is a bully, there was nothing to stop SIL apologising for inviting her/the behaviour in general.

Goodness, no wonder HSIL is such a little madam if MIL believes everything she says and justifies her bad behaviour.

Just take the SD card out of your camera (it's the little blue plastic card in the hatch at the bottom) and put it in the slot that says SD on your laptop. It should bring up a menu asking where you want to save the photos.

I'd send a pic to MIL showing the deliberate smearing of several different make-up items - one thing could be an accident, but all of them spilling out at the same time? Your MIL is a halfwit if she believes that.

Feel very sorry for OP but at least she knows the score now with her Outlaws and should treat them with caution in the future

Why should she rent her house out we have a holiday home in C

Why should she rent her house out, we have a holiday home in Cornwall and do not lend it to anyone at all. It's full of all our lovely bits and pieces and didn't want to feel we have to put precious breakable things away incase visiting children break things or other things are ruined it also means we can go down there at last minute especially if the weather is good rather than not being able to use it as someone else is there. It is her chalet and she can do what she likes with it, and also what the hell has it got to do with anyone else how much she gives to charity. It is their money, if she wants to bath in champagne every night that is completly up to her.
I hope mil realises how bad her daughter has behaved and is utterly ashamed of them and makes them apologise and pay for the damage. It is a lesson they need to learn.
I am surprised she didn't turn up with presents for you and the children as a thank you for staying with you, I would have thought most people would have. My dh's half sister is only 19 and at uni so has no money but she still bought our 6 month old ds a little ball for Christmas (which he loves!) it is the thought. She also needs to realise how lucky she was having the opportunity to stay for free, for a holiday that would of otherwise cost them thousands.

Op - please ignore littlemissabs as her 'opinion' is full of crap and really shows her true nature (which isn't good)

Your guests are vile and anyone who thinks otherwise is also vile!

What is your actual gripe lesmiss - your posts are most strange.

Whilst you're obviously doing well with your property portfolio I don't understand why you feel this is relevent? Are you jealous of the op? Most bizarre

And besides, if OP and her DCs are at the chalet every weekend, maybe more often during school hols, when exactly are these elusive tenants supposed to stay there? Mon to Fri lets must be hard to come by.

My parents no longer rent out their holiday home. They used to - to help pay the second mortgage I think - but it was backbreaking work keeping it clean and in good order and rentable at all times, not to mention the admin. They pop up there very often, always on their own schedule.

If I had a second home, I wouldn't rent it out unless I absolutely had to. I like to think I would be happy to let known and trusted friends and family visit us or use it when we weren't there, but honestly I'm not sure how I would feel.

I'll let you know when I win the lottery

Agree let your DH deal with the problem. I think he should email and say how disappointed he is that HSIL has lied about many things and that HSIL should be ashamed of her behavior. Also explain that they were no help (as suggested they would be) and that they hardly lifted a finger.

Just another one who's parents have a holiday home that isn't rented out ever. They bought it to use it themselves not as an investment - properties you buy to use rather than buy to make money from aren't normally rented out.