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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country

770 replies

EspressoMonkey · 20/01/2013 09:30

First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.

DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.

The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.

Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.

HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.

They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.

On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).

I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.

I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 21/01/2013 14:32

Weirdy projection victim-blaming from Less.

OP, I do hope you won't be extending any invitations or help to HSIL in the near future. If it were friend X who was the problem and HSIL hadn't want things to turn out like this, you'd have heard from HSIL by now with some kind of admission or apology. But no.

BlueberryHill · 21/01/2013 14:33

"HSIL is very distressed, she has fallen out with her friends over the ending of the holiday. Friend X has been very mean to her. MIL is very worried about poor HSIL"

OP, So it HSIL blaming you for how the holiday ended? God she has done a good number on your MIL.

I agree with all the other posters (bar one), they abused your hospitality and have behaved appalling. On the upside though, you no longer need to buy her Christmas and Birthday presents, just vouchers for champagne which has she has already drunk and she is soooo going to kick herself in the future when she wants to go snowboarding again. Chalets with pools in great skiing areas don't come cheap.

LesMis, I'm a bit confused, which of your four properties are you sharing?

myfirstkitchen · 21/01/2013 14:33

Hsil is pathetic. At least admit what she's done an apologise/make amends in the cold light of day instead of whining that it wasn't her.

Mil and hsis in law obvious say goodbye to their free holidays.

Champagne needs to be paid for. As does pool cleaning.

And the other poster on here lesmis something is either enjoying trying to wind people up or isn't enjoying it but doing it anyway because they're an oddball.

EspressoMonkey · 21/01/2013 14:38

LessMiss yet again you are making wrong assumptions about me.

How many properties i own is non of your business and what i do with them is also non of your business. But for what it is worth, yes i do have the title deeds to the chalet otherwise it would not be a present, would it. And speculating that i don't rent out my house in London, because it suits your cause, is incorrect too.

Perfect Princessy attitude? What is this? I can assure you i am not Royalty.

As for not phoning my DH whilst he is at work on a Sunday; yet again you are assuming he is available to talk to in the evening. Which he isn't as he is working in a different continent and different time zone. I call him when it suits him and suits me. Not when it suits you.

I have never suggested it is superior for a woman to be given something rather than pay for it herself. Again, you are wrongfully assuming DH is the one who earns all the money.

As for suggesting i am wasteful and should think about maximising my assets more to give to charity; why mention that? You have no idea now wasteful or resourceful i am and have no idea what i do for charity. Both points have nothing to do with the post so why bring them up? Because you are assuming i could do more for charity and am wasteful because it suits you to think like that?

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 21/01/2013 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

PessaryPam · 21/01/2013 14:41

Of course LessMissAbs has all these properties. That's why she has to share her flat with a housemate. I suppose that's the joy of the internet, you can pretend to be who you please. The jealousy of the OP is quite pathetic though.

ApocalypseThen · 21/01/2013 14:42

Still, at least SIL hasn't given a version of events wildly contrary to what happened. She's admitted the abuse and damage happened. I sincerely doubt anyone will be shocked if you never allow her to cross your threshold again.

Flossiechops · 21/01/2013 14:51

What bogeyface said. Spot on!

SpicyPear · 21/01/2013 14:55

lessmiss if you really had to troll hunt, you could have just come on with a witty one liner about hairy hands, rather than derail the entire thread.

atosilis · 21/01/2013 14:57

My brother has a ski chalet. He says 'ski chalet'. Christ - and he's got a minibus to get through the snow. When we went to stay with him, he took time off work to spend with us.

Not sure of how many guests he had over Christmas, I'll ask and get back to you.

orchidee · 21/01/2013 14:57

*LessMissAbs Mon 21-Jan-13 13:25:49
Orchidee "That is awful. You've no reason to explain why the chalet is important to you or why you didn't drive these people anywhere."

So why mention it? As for my mentioning that I have 4 propeties, its just a fact. I paid for half of them, my property. I just cannot be bothered with this attitude that its somehow "superior" for women to be given something than pay for it themselves and this "perfect princessy" attitude. Unless of couse the OP doesn't actually own the property properly, her name isn't solely on the title deeds and she realises she has no control over who comes and stays at "her" propety.*

I've no idea why you thought that comment was relevant to you. Each of my posts before this one has been in response to something the OP wrote. Show me where you think I commented about anything you wrote. I haven't mentioned your posts.

wellcoveredsparerib · 21/01/2013 14:58

Not sure if I qualify to post on this thread because I only have one house (and that is mortaged) , I get my sheets from tk maxx and any occasional fizzy wine from Aldi (£6.99 prosecco is very nice!) but if I am allowed...

OP, I think you were v restrained in the face of bratish behaviour and I agree that you should now let your dh deal. I would be more gutted about sheet damage if they were White company too.

LessMissAbs · 21/01/2013 14:59

Yep Pessary Pam you're right. Thats what real people with real properties do. We have mortgages, we make them pay their way, we maximise tax advantages, whether thats buying another property on another mortgage rather than paying off the mortgage on one, maximising the rent-a-room allowance (and also ensuring someone is in the property when I'm not there for security), and so on. Thats the way things generally work. Call us mean if you like, but almost everyone I know who owns multiple properties does much the same. Ski chalets are an absolute goldmine for renting out, though they do cost several million to buy in the first place.

So this ski chalet, it must be pretty big to have come with a minibus for guests, hence you would think OP would have Help to come in and clean/look after the place when you're not there and help you clear all that snow away blocking in your vehicles. Which Help you could have used to help deal with the mess made by your nasty guests.

As they say in the continent I live in, "Aye, right".

DeafLeopard · 21/01/2013 14:59

Forgive me OP for speaking on your part, but I believe the relevance of being bought the ski chalet, was to make the point that, even though they may not live there full time, the OP is attached to it, and treats it with the same love and fondness that we would all have for our own home, it is not a holiday let.

Not that it is ok to wilfully ruin bedding, vomit in a pool and steal champagne in a holiday let.

Cosmosim · 21/01/2013 15:01

LessMiss, quite a shit post given your bizarre lodge story on here not so while ago. Wonder how you would've felt if other posters (very easily) ripped your posts' inconsistencies apart. Glass houses and all that.

PessaryPam · 21/01/2013 15:02

Of course LessMissAbs, I really believe you Grin

PureQuintessence · 21/01/2013 15:04

Of course it is big! It has a pool in the basement that the OP had not noticed and (would not have mentioned because some skiing instructors told her) somebody had made a mess in it!

Stubbed56 · 21/01/2013 15:06

Actually, OP, you are doing / have been doing the right thing.

But why not get HSis phone number, call her, and explain that her behaviour reduced you to tears and that you are very upset. When I was 20 (but that I would EVER have behaved like that, even in the presence of a trouble making friend) I would have been distraught at the thought I'd upset a relative. She would probably apologise and you could both move on?

EspressoMonkey · 21/01/2013 15:09

DeafLeopard spot on. It is not a holiday let, it has an enormous amount of sentimental value attached to it and though is not my full time home i view it as such.

OP posts:
3littlerabbits · 21/01/2013 15:09

Sorry they trashed your place. Totally not on.

Is there a slight possibility that you have been a bit off and grumpy with them and maybe let them know they werent welcome from the start which got their backs up? No justification obviously, just I know I hve been like this before and its not great Blush

EldritchCleavage · 21/01/2013 15:10

Time to ignore the strange derailer.

edam · 21/01/2013 15:13

Ooh, I got deleted! And all for backing up lessmiss and suggesting we all take advantage of her very reasonable opinions and go round and have a party at her place...

Seems someone can dish out bizarre advice but not take it...

LessMissAbs · 21/01/2013 15:17

Edam - I'm sure you could show those pesky nasty guests a thing or two about bad behaviour! Shall we set up a nice welcoming party?

Absy · 21/01/2013 15:19

Woah, thread got derailed into some weirdness over there.

It seems MIL is being willfully blind about HSIL (I'm guessing) blaming bad behaviour on friend, refusing to consider that HSIL might be responsible for it.

And anyway, surely it's up to the OP whether or not she wants to let this gift out? Maybe it would be more hassle than it's worth (administration, finding people to rent it, managing people coming and going, the place being cleaned and look after) to rent it out, hence not. But anyway, unless you're paying for it, I don't see why it would offend someone, a stranger off the internet, so deeply.

EspressoMonkey · 21/01/2013 15:19

3littlerabbits had a thought about your last point. No i think i was actually very nice. On the night they arrived (1am) i was asleep and so couldn't greet them but left a buffet of food and bottle of wine out for them to help themselves to with a note telling them to help themselves to a drink from the fridge and asking them what time they wanted to be woken in the morning so i could escort them to the snowboard hire shop. I was friendly and chatty but half the time they seemed to be ignoring what i was saying and talking amongst themselves and glued to their iphones. By day 4 i was starting to get a little peeved but was restrained until the Saturday night (day 7).

OP posts:
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