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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country

770 replies

EspressoMonkey · 20/01/2013 09:30

First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.

DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.

The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.

Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.

HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.

They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.

On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).

I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.

I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?

OP posts:
FellatioNels0n · 21/01/2013 05:35

Oh my god. You are SOOOOO NBU. I really feel for you. You should have just said no in the first place, but I realise it can sound petty and mean. I think you should tell your MIL exactly what has happened and how upset you were, and next time just remember that it is your home and not a free hotel for ungrateful spoilt twats. I hope to god they spent their last day cleaning up, buying your flowers and apologising profusely.

KhallDrogo · 21/01/2013 06:36

I'm confused as to how they thought it was ok/they'd get away with it...bringing the guys back I mean. Did they think you wouldn't wake up??? Confused

Gigondas · 21/01/2013 07:44

I suspect they didn't think for a minute about op .

Agree that mil should know all that went on and extent of damage - askin hsil for money is an option. But I think won't get anything .i don't think you should not do it "as it will create friction" as that boat has already sailed.

eslteacher · 21/01/2013 07:46

Chuckling quietly on the train re: "I wouldn't dream of boasting" followed by "Yes I own two flats in the best part of the city..."

BikeRunSki · 21/01/2013 08:02

What awful girls. I am sitting o. my sofa cuddling 15 month old DD swearing that she'll never be like that.

That is no way to treat a chalet - privately owned or otherwise.

As for getting to the airport, they are 20 not 12.

YANBU at all.

Lueji · 21/01/2013 08:07

Lessmissabs can only possibly be one of the girls in question.

Or she is equally rude with her hosts.

Poor them.

ZillionChocolate · 21/01/2013 08:33

If they thought about the OP they certainly didn't care.

LadyMargolotta · 21/01/2013 08:46

LessMissAbs - you have four properties between you and your dh? So if visitors trash one, you are three others to go to? Does that make it right?

EspressoMonkey · 21/01/2013 08:50

Am back. Never expected the thread to have so much movement overnight.

LessMiss you have made quite a few unjust assumptions, they are mostly incorrect but think what you like.

To all: the thread was not meant to be boastful, i was just trying to explain that the chalet is not just a chalet that we rent out as a lot of chalet owenrs do. It is my home and being a gift from DH it also has great sentimental value to me.

The original plan to get the girls to the airport was for DH, DCs, the girls and myself to drive back to our house in the city and then drop the girls off at a train station leaving them 70 min train ride direct to the airport. I do not feel comfortable driving the minibus especially in heavy snow, 83cms at last count. DH not returning on time left me with no plan. Up until Saturday afternoon i was expecting DH to be back by saturday night.

No word from MIL so just sent her and email asking whether HSIL had returned safely and asking for HSIL's email address (so far all correspondance with HSIL has been through MIL) as i have discovered further damage which i wanted to discuss with her.

Awaiting a reply.

OP posts:
Loquace · 21/01/2013 09:00

asking for HSIL's email address (so far all correspondance with HSIL has been through MIL) as i have discovered further damage which i wanted to discuss with her.

I would be tempted to Bcc MIL on all your emails to HSIL ....and make sure her replies also found their way to her mum.

Loquace · 21/01/2013 09:03

and you didn't come accross as boastful at all. The info was given so as not to leave an info gap in terms of assessing the scenario.

KhallDrogo · 21/01/2013 09:03

Has she got learning difficulties? Why has all correspondence been through her mother?

Groovee · 21/01/2013 09:06

I think LessMiss was boasting. 4 homes, some people struggle to afford one!

Be interesting to see what MIL says about it all. When does dh get home?

JenaiMorris · 21/01/2013 09:07

Slightly off topic and hardly an essential life skill, but uploading photos really isn't difficult. I'm extrapolating, but are you reliant on your dh for other similar things?

You need to learn! I've taught my complete tech novice mil, who is in her 70s and can't even type; it took half an hour tops.

Gigondas · 21/01/2013 09:11

More damage!!? Poor you op.

DuchessFanny · 21/01/2013 09:17

Oh OP ignore the boastful poster with her several properties ( did she mention TWO she had in the BEST part of the city Grin !)

She's also wrong on the SAHM hosting front , like you we live abroad, we rent a house, but own one ( rent that out ) in the UK . but I have very much made our rental house here a home. I don't work and so am free to 'host' the many friends and relatives who come to stay ... Difference is, they behave like guests. They are polite, help make dinner, we do things together ! No one has every turned up for a free holiday, ignored me and the kids and trashed the place !

Good luck with the MIL and her horrible daughter !

Xx

LoopsInHoops · 21/01/2013 09:17

Crikey, what a nightmare! Awful girl, and a massive fantasist too - I wonder if she's friends with LessMiss?

OhTheConfusion · 21/01/2013 09:20

Guests who respect your home and damage something by accident would come to you, apologise and offer a replacement (which I would refuse, but be happy they offered). Your guests were not respectful by any stretch of the imaginaton.

EspressoMonkey · 21/01/2013 09:21

Gigondas more damage was the vomit and 3x stolen champagne bottles in the pool.

HSIL is treated like a baby, not a 20 year old. That always bugs DH as he left home at 16 and has not relied on MIL for anything since. We always send HSIL Christmas cards and presents, birthday cards and presents but she never send something from herself rather MIL just writes HSIL's name on the bottom of her cards and presents.

Regarding uploading photos, i know i am terrible. I took them on my camera which needs to be attached to the computer to upload them. In my defence i have only had the camera since 25th Dec but do need to learn how to do it all myself. DH is a high tec wizz, i shamefully leave it all up to him to take care of Blush

OP posts:
KhallDrogo · 21/01/2013 09:26

She needs a sharp spell in a fast food restaurant!

I just can't fathom that you would go and stay with someone but not communicate with them first!

BegoniaBampot · 21/01/2013 09:30

they sound awful. we hosted 4 young ladies for a week while on their big round the world trip. had never met them (husbsnds friends sister). they were lovely and no problem at all.there is no excuse for these young madams bad behaviour.

Lavenderhoney · 21/01/2013 09:35

Expresso, don't worry about tech skills:)

Can't believe you are sending presents and cards to this person over the years, with no thanks. Time to stop - did she ever send anything to you for your dc? I think she relies on mil to do it and does not consider herself a family member in her own right. This is especially the case if she did not even email you before to say thanks and arrive with a gift for you and the children. That would have been a red flag for me at once. How rude!

This 20 year old doesn't sound like she has worked and had any responsibility. I would take a step back after this is over and let her and mil get on with it. Although a stint as a waitress paying for her own keep and luxuries for a year might help, without any handouts and free holidays.

EspressoMonkey · 21/01/2013 09:43

Lavenderhoney no she has never sent anything herself to the DCs. MIL justifies it is because she is a poor student. Of course DH never had the opportunity to be a poor student but that is another matter.

OP posts:
Gigondas · 21/01/2013 09:47

Ah I see op. that is poor of her- my dsc are similar age but always we get a card or little gift for my dc.

Also they can be thoughtless and lazy at times but never abusive or damaging .

bluecarrot · 21/01/2013 09:54

How much will all the damage realistically cost to put right OP?