To ask why people co sleep?

[Cathycomehome]

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

I'm so sorry for your awful loss, Cathy

Your DC is 6 months, right? I found that I got much more relaxed about co sleeping the older my DS got because I figured he'd be strong enough to wriggle or turn away in case he ends up under a pillow/blanket. When he was still tiny I always made sure that his head was level with mine, didn't have a pillow and would wrap myself firmly in the blanket so as not to cover him.

Also, my sleep was much lighter! Once I was in bed alone and rolled on a cuddly toy. I jumped up screaming because for a second I was convined I'd rolled on the baby!

We have had all 3 of ours as babies in with us. Started off with moses basket next to my side of the bed so I could feed easily in the night. Ended up bringing them in with me and falling asleep feeding.
However, didn't really read up on anything, just ended up doing what felt natural for us. Had pillows + duvets although didn't smoke or drink.
We got much more sleep in the early months than we would have done by me up and down feeding and settling back to sleep.
Never had any problems getting them into cots afterwards either.
They were all in with us until 6-7 months as I stopped bfing around then too. Had a few nights with each of them settling them into a night time routine but now, DC3 is 14m and sleeps solidly from 6pm - 7.30 am, so it has all come good.
Do what you feel is right.
So very sorry for the tragic losses as mentioned upthread.

I have seen no evidence that cosleeping increases the risk of SIDS so don't really see the connection. I have even heard that it theorised tgat it may reduce the risk, as baby regulates their breathing and heartbeat to the adult's, and adult's more alert to baby getting into trouble in any way.
The stats that say cosleeping increase the risk of infant death seem to include accidental cosleeping, drunk parents, etc, all the stuff we don't do. And the risk that's increased is smothering or falls, not SIDS.
I'm so very sorry to hear from those of you who have had tragic experiences. Unfortunately SIDS does happen to both cosleeping and cot sleeping babes.

DH cosleeps with the toddler, me with the baby. We all like it :)

I did it with dd1 but never ever felt relaxed about it, then had a friend (non drinker/non smoker etc) roll over and accidentally smother baby in their bed and I didn't co-sleep with my youngest two.

H is from a culture where everyone 'co-sleeps' with babies/young children. It never occured to me not to.

I thought advice was it was a risk if you were a drinker/smoker, duvet etc

Sorry for the people who have lost babies on this thread x

Co-sleeping is safe as long as you do it properly. There are also some theories that suggest it is actually safer, for all the same reasons they encourage sleeping in the same room.

I also loved co-sleeping, and still would be now if my pain levels hadn't got so out on control.

Why do people think men don't like cuddling their babies too? Bizarre. And sad.

And Cathy, I am sorry thatnyou have suffered a tragedy. But this thread is about consleeping- and I am not going to pretend that it is dangerous, done properly, because something awful happened to you. It is't. There are things you shouldn't do. But co sleeping is safe and wonderful, and good for everyone's sanity.

I didn't co-sleep with DS1 as he slept fine in a cot with a bit of effort in the early weeks to settle him, DS2 refused to sleep anywhere but on me. After two weeks of staying awake all night holding him, my midwife suggesting co-sleeping and told me how to do it safely. He fed every 1-2hrs until he was 8 months old and co-sleeping meant I didn't have to get up for feeds. He's still co-sleeping at 10 months as he just will not sleep in a cot (and believe me I've tried). I don't mind it and he loves it, he just seems to need lots of cuddling.

No co-sleeping here. DH's snoring was akin to the sound of a high speed train in the bed. Neither dc coped with it, it just made them scream. Moses basket my side of the bed worked okish (though not when dh let out a massive bellowing snort at which dc's threw arms up suddenly in the way babies do when they've been suddenly disturbed and it would set them off). Much kinder on them and me to have them in another room, I just had to persevere longer with settling dc1 in the cot, dc2 settled happily. Often I'd end up sleeping in the rocking chair by the cot, having sung dc1 to sleep, but it was a comfy chair and dh buying it for me was the least he could do . He did his best to make up for it all in other ways, making sure I got lie ins etc. We muddled through.

I do think there is often an ever so slight edge of moral superiority to the anti co sleepers. As if all us co sleepers are slack hippy types whose pillow cases probably don't match and who just aren't prepared to put the hours in when it comes to doing parenting properly.

They do breakdowns of the risk factors so you can see how many died as a result of accidental co sleeping/ if parents smoked or were drunk etc

I love co sleeping with my dd. It was a lot cosier when she was tiny, now shes 9 months she spends the whole night starfishing leaving me 5 inches of bed! Wouldnt change it though, for one I love the snuggles and two, I wouldnt get any sleep at all! Having a baby gurgling in your ear is a lovely alarm clock.

Whilst the 6 hrs broken sleep I've just had is marginally better than the four hours I would have had had DD2 been in her cot, I am not pro-cosleeping. Whilst I understand that it works for some people, I still hate it. What I would like is for DD2 to sleep 12 hours straight in her cot like her sister did.

It's not a moral issue for me at all.

I co slept with both dc until they were 11 months. Then they moved into their own rooms. It took about a week for them to settle in to their own rooms and they were fine, slept really well on there own. Ashoething people who coslept can have really great sleepers too you know. Like me, who is still lying in bed on a sunday morning at nearly 9.30am because dc are still asleep.

To the op, I co slept because I didn't occur to me to do anything else. I was supported by the hv who was one of those rare creatures who actually thought it was safer, as long as you followed the guidelines of no drinking, smoking etc. I think is is safer personally than using a cot. The natural rhythm between mother and baby is quite interesting, and the closeness can actually kick start breathing, should the baby stop.

So sorry to those who have had the horrific experience of losing a child on this thread.

It depends on your perspective u think seeker....I can see why people would have that view.

My babies sleep in my bed with me
But...
I don't do 'co-sleeping'

I will admit to a bit of eyeball rolling at people who label it, in a demonstrative way. Same as 'baby led weaning'. It's just feeding your baby, like grandma did and her grandma.....etc etc

And my pulliwcases match

We are primates that have evolved to keep our young offspring very close to us.

It's the most natural way to sleep.

DH loves it.

Seeker - for every person on mn who implies that cosleepers are lazy hippies, there are five who think that non-cosleepers are unnatural child haters .

I didn't plan to co-sleep. But the first night home from hospital following a CS I got up to get DD out of her cot and realised that I couldn't actualy get back into the bed holding her (quite a high super kingsize). Not fancing trying to feed her sitting on the floor I gave up trying to get in and out and just left her in with me.

She never cried at night because I woke as soon as she started to stir. One night I was really tired and didn't wake up at all. She'd latched herself on through my nightdress

Now she is 5 we know she has considerable sensory processing issues and needs to touch/ lean on people constantly, so if I hadn't started cosleeping I doubt she'd have ever settled in her cot :(

My pillowcases don't match . I'm a stereotype

Seeker that made me laugh! I'm a bit of a lazy hippy (only when it comes to parenting though - I don't read the guardian or wear a poncho), and my pillowcases don't match. I don't see why you should make things more difficult for yourself when they can be easier and nicer and better for everyone. This is why I breastfeed too, as well as why I cosleep. (Plus bfing is free, which is also important)! :o

I'm from a co-sleeping culture and as such find the idea of having an infant sleeping away from the parents quite alien and uncomfortable. I do believe that in most cultures co-sleeping is considered the norm and the rates of infant mortality are relatively low for it.

This I thought was a good article on the subject.

And another more general one that states:

"A cross-cultural sample of 90 traditional human societies identified not a single one with mother and infant sleeping in separate rooms: that current Western practice is a recent invention responsible for the struggles at putting kids to bed that torment modern Western parents. American pediatricians now recommend not having an infant sleep in the same bed with its parents, because of occasional cases of the infant ending up crushed or else overheating; but virtually all infants in human history until the last few thousand years did sleep in the same bed with the mother and usually also with the father, without widespread reports of the dire consequences feared by pediatricians. That may be because hunter-gatherers sleep on the hard ground or on hard mats; a parent is more likely to roll over onto an infant in our modern soft beds."

I did find a study that was UK based (to consider the climate and difference in bedding for instance) and found this one which examines the differences between infant care practices between S.Asian and white families in Bradford and seems to highlight the proportionally lower incidence of SIDS with the co-sleeping practices prevalent in the S.A. families.

Ultimately though, I imagine every parent does what they consider best for their children.

I am deeply sorry for the losses mentioned on this thread, I can't imagine a worse pain.

I wish that the guidance about co-sleeping was better worded to make it clear that the risks that come with it are to do with suffocation/overheating etc - that is why there is some advice against it, due to drinking/smoking/unsuitable beds and bedding etc.

SIDS is something else entirely and there is plenty of research out there that would suggest that the risk of SIDS is actually reduced by safe co-sleeping.

I do find it odd that anyone would think that people are lying through their teeth about co-sleeping being what they wanted to do. DS1 was a great sleeper - slept through from 7 weeks with no regressions and still sleeps at least 12 hours a night. However, when he was tiny the difference between the way he slept if he was in bed with us and the way he slept in a moses basket, was huge. When he was in with us I don't ever remember him waking more than twice a night, even when he was tiny. If we tried to get him to sleep in his moses basket he would wake every couple of hours.

So when DS2 came along we never even tried to get him to sleep anywhere else until he was about 6 months when he went briefly into a hammock and then into a cot in his own room. He's not as good a sleeper as DS1 but does generally sleep through. If he wakes early in his cot he won't go back to sleep. If he comes in with us, he'll go back to sleep for a good couple of hours.

Sleeping with both DSs as babies felt perfectly normal and instinctive, as well as safe. I don't think "oh no I miss sleeping with them" but I do quite like going to sleep cuddling DS2 if he's in with us for any reason. It's like having a warm, wriggly teddy bear!

I agree, kungfoopanda- co sleeping is not falling asleep on the sofa with a baby.

I meant to add that my MIL had her other grandchildren staying over from a very young age for various reasons. She really struggled with the idea of not sleeping with them - she didn't, obviously, because she was nervous about not being as in tune to them as she was with her own children, but she slept with the moses basket right against the bed so she could hold their hands.

She just didn't feel able to have them sleeping completely on their own.