Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why people co sleep?

245 replies

Cathycomehome · 19/01/2013 22:09

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

OP posts:
NoelHeadbands · 19/01/2013 23:25

DH hated it and so had to sleep in the bath.

I'm lying of course, we decided jointly- you know, like adult human beings. Shocking I know.

Permanentlyexhausted · 19/01/2013 23:26

DH is quite happy with our sleeping arrangements, thank you!

Dippy001 · 19/01/2013 23:27

By routine do you mean CIO or CC? Some people don't like that. Co-sleeping is the norm around the world, it is natural for baby and mother. Not a great night's kip compared to sleeping on your own but it comforts baby so much is is best for their emotional development so who would deny it?

GiraffesEatPineapples · 19/01/2013 23:27

My Dp was a bit torn and fairly keen to move them out but he put up with it and in part quite liked it - I think overall he could see it was better for us all. there are other rooms ;)

Anniegetyourgun · 19/01/2013 23:27

You can't follow babycare advice to the letter, anyway, because they keep bloody changing it. I followed advice with DS1 which, by the time DS4 came along, was considered not only out of date but positively dangerous. Eating plenty of liver and spinach, laying him on his front (because to lay him on his back was almost guaranteed to cause instant death), mixed breast/bottle feeding, weaning at four months... in other words, the precise opposite of current advice. Give it a few years and a lot of today's orthodoxies will be overturned, you mark my words.

choceyes · 19/01/2013 23:27

My dh likes it on the whole. He loves cuddling them too at night. We only bring them in to our bed around 1am ish when they wake up so me and dh is free to do whatever till then so it really doesnt infringe on our closeness.

PeggyCarter · 19/01/2013 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Permanentlyexhausted · 19/01/2013 23:29

Yes, like Giraffes - if DH hated it, there are two other empty rooms he could move to.

pookamoo · 19/01/2013 23:29

DH is fine about it. I overheard him telling MIL on the phone that DD2 was sleeping through the night quite often, when she was about 3 weeks old. She was not Hmm He just hadn't noticed her waking as she wasn't crying.

We bought a superking size bed, so there's loads of room. DD2 can also be persuaded occasionally on a Friday night to sleep in a cot in DD1's room for part of the night. We always bring her back in with us when she wakes up in the early hours, though. I suppose from what you are saying, at that point we should be putting the "hard work" in of getting her to stay in the cot til morning? I prefer my sleep, and so does DH tbh. Maybe that is lazy, but I don't anticipate DD2 being in our bed long term.

PeggyCarter · 19/01/2013 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKenzie · 19/01/2013 23:29

I don't follow advice. I follow research and evidence.

SIDS used to be called cot-death for a reason, and increased in developing countries when they started making babies sleep on their own.

facebookaddictno9 · 19/01/2013 23:30

My ds worked his way across the bed to curl up with DH at 2 days old - how I have no idea he started on my side ended up with DH.

Tells me he wanted the human touch.

We borrow our babies until they enter school - mine are Velcro children - I love it - yes I'd like some sleep - but I have a long, long time to sleep in the future - every moment with them is precious - so I co sleep baby wear rarely leave them.

One day they will be independent and they won't need me or DH - we will sleep then.

PeggyCarter · 19/01/2013 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 19/01/2013 23:31

My dp works long hours and can go days without seeing the children due to crazy shift patterns, so to go to bed and have toddler snuggle up is a lovely way to reconnect. We have talked about it and it feels natural for both of us, we couldn't imagine putting a tiny baby in their own bed or a different room to sleep, nor could we leave them to cry etc. We have patented instinctively re sleep and read up to make sure we did it safely.

I don't care what other parents do tbh, we do what has worked for us and our children.

facebookaddictno9 · 19/01/2013 23:31

And yes DH loves it too

ScarletLady02 · 19/01/2013 23:31

The only issue my DH (which was one I shared) was that our bed wasn't big enough and we couldn't afford a new one.

DumSpiroSpero · 19/01/2013 23:32

I think a lot of people do it because it easier than doing a lot of routines that require effort on the part of the parent

Well, that was my reasoning tbh and it worked for us - although DD came in with us most nights, I never had a problem getting her back to her bed a while later if we became too hot or otherwise comfortable.

Parenting and routines aren't always a match made in heaven. I read GF prior to DD being born and planned to follow it and have my life organised and a perfectly routine-trained baby within 6 weeks. Utter cobblers - I have never been into organisation or routines so why I thought motherhood would change that (or that my DD wouldn't take after me in her love of chaos) is a mystery!

Morloth · 19/01/2013 23:33

Both mine now sleep in their own beds, they do choose to share a room though even though it means we have spare rooms.

It just kind of progressed. DS1 wanted to be a big boy at around 2ish and DS2 just wants to be DS1 so he was keen to share with DS1 from about 18months.

I do still often find them cuddled up together when I go to check on them at night, but they have big king single beds so plenty of room. And both are welcome in our bed at anytime if they like. Sometimes the little one comes in in the night still.

They are little for such a small amount of time.

For us it was the only way, I don't like routines much (for anything) so never bothered with them, but I have friends who vastly prefer structure.

breatheslowly · 19/01/2013 23:34

My DH was onboard with it. He definitely has a say as he now vetoes DD sleeping in our bed at night as she sleeps well in her own room most of the time.

Morloth · 19/01/2013 23:36

DH loves having his babies close too you know. He too works really long hours so is always happy for any closeness he can snatch.

I have previously gone to the spare room when all three are in my bed snoring.

Why not? They are happily asleep and I can be happily asleep as well.

If it works, it works, if it doesn't do something else.

Piemother · 19/01/2013 23:36

Because babies love it!
Dc1 insisted on it and I overcame all my fears about SIDS to do it. Dc2 totally indifferent and snores happily in a Moses basket next to my bed all the way through the night.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/01/2013 23:37

DH loves waking up next to DS. He says it's the best bit of the day. On the rare occasion that DS doesn't end up in with us overnight, DH bounds out of bed to bring him in for cuddles when he wakes in the morning.

DumSpiroSpero · 19/01/2013 23:37

DH has never had a problem with it - he has an early start and got much more sleep than he would have done otherwise!

DreamySleepyNightySnoozySnooze · 19/01/2013 23:38

We tried it with Ds1, who was a very poor sleeper. He slept a little better in out bed, but I didn't sleep a wink all night. I have painful joints, so can't sleep in one position for long, but I was terrified of turning over and squashing him in my sleep, so I'd lie awake instead. I also like to snuggle with the duvet and a cushion to support my hips, knees, and shoulders, which I could't do with hi in the bed. We persevered with getting him to sleep in his cot beside our bed, with one of us sleeping with an arm through the cot bars so we could put a hand on his tummy, and we were lucky that he did start to sleep well in there. By 6 months he was sleeping through the night in his own room, and Dh and I could catch up on months of sleep. Grin

It sounds lovely in theory, but for me, in practice, it just didn't work. Ds1 had bad reflux, so would have soaked our bed in milk every night if I hadn't breast fed him sat up with a bath towel around him. Ds2 has the occasional posset too. Both Ds's have the occasional explosive nappy, that would soak through onto our bedsheets.

I'm so sorry for your losses, Cathy and Missy.

FreudiansSlipper · 19/01/2013 23:40

for me it felt the most natural thing to do

ds was content I was content ds slept I slept

Amazing feeling wonderful I would do it again what is unnatural about having your baby close to you at all times