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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why people co sleep?

245 replies

Cathycomehome · 19/01/2013 22:09

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 19/01/2013 23:12

"i put the hard work in by sticking to routines to encourage my dcs to sleep well"

Got a routine here too. It just results in co sleeping every night.

RozziRaspberry · 19/01/2013 23:13

Dd1 is 14 years old and I co slept with her because she was a wee madam and it was the only way to get some sleep, dh worked away so i was on my own.

I was so jealous of my friend who's ds slept in his cot in a routine I felt I was doing something wrong. My health visitor (who was a god send) at the time said that she co slept with her child when he was a baby, I didn't feel so bad then. I came to the conclusion that me and baby getting a decent amount of sleep was a good thing.

Dd moved into her own bed at just over a year old my ds was a totally different baby and didn't need to be comforted through the night so there was no co sleeping, dd2 co slept for a few months before being happy on her own so all of my dchildren have been different in their sleeping habits, I took it as it came at the time and things have worked out okay.

pookamoo · 19/01/2013 23:13

"not for me" Exactly. for you. So you might concede that the other people who are happy with it are not lying, because it is the right thing for them ?

ExitPursuedByABear · 19/01/2013 23:14

I personally think that snuggling up to my DD, at whatever age, is the best thing in my life.

Ashoething · 19/01/2013 23:15

Not angry at all.rather bemused perhaps.as i say i have friends who try and convince themselves that they love having velcro dcs.but i have been.there when they have also admitted they would sell their soul for a decents nights sleep.again each to their own but its not for me.

BooCanary · 19/01/2013 23:16

I know where you're coming from op. A very close family member lost a baby through SIDS, and as a result I could never be 100% happy cosleeping as a rule.

Sorry for your loss, and yours Missy.

NoelHeadbands · 19/01/2013 23:16

I've got three kids and co-slept with em all whilst they were babies. They were all sleeping in their own rooms and beds by the time they were three years old. No hard work needed Hmm

DumSpiroSpero · 19/01/2013 23:16

I didn't officially co-sleep with DD (8) but we have always been very relaxed about bringing her in with us or letting her potter in as she got older. I always had to lie down with her to get her to nap during the day until she was 4-5 months old too, so probably should have just gone for co-sleeping full stop.
She rarely spent the whole night in her own bed until last summer when we moved her into the bigger room and got her a 4ft divan.

As a working parent, I found it a damn sight easier to let her get in and snuggle back to sleep than to keep returning her to her own bed and trying to settle her.

So in short, I guess the answer to the OP is laziness! Grin

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/01/2013 23:17

This really bothers you doesn't it Ashoething? Can you really not believe that lots of us like cosleeping?

GiraffesEatPineapples · 19/01/2013 23:17

Co sleeping with a baby doesn't have to mean co sleeping with a toddler. My 2 dds who are 5 and 2 part co slept and sleep really well now in their shared room (dd 2.5 asks to go in her cot and snuggles down and goes to sleep straight away) as opposed to their older 7 year old brother who still sleeps poorly now and I firmly had him in a cot in his own room after reading gina ford.

ScarletLady02 · 19/01/2013 23:18

I'd like to start by saying how sorry I am to the Op and anyone else who's suffered a loss due to SIDS.

We never set out to co-sleep. DD slept fine next to our bed for the first 10 months of her life. Then we moved house.....and she completely freaked out at being in a new environment and would scream blue murder at being left alone in her cot. After a few weeks of no sleep.....I was having black-outs and walked to the shop but had no recollection of getting there (with the buggy, I dread to think of the amount of roads I crossed, not aware I was doing it) we brought her in with us. Our bed wasn't big enough so most of the time it meant that DH was asleep on the sofa. But at least we get some sleep!

DD is now two and maybe 2 or 3 nights a month she'll end up in our bed now. After a few weeks of using the gradual retreat method she will now go to sleep on her own. If she wakes in the night she'll only settle in with us.

It's not something I chose.....but it does have it's advantages. I completely understand people saying how lovely it is to wake up next to your babies. It IS lovely. The only issue we really have is the size of our bed. If we had a super-king that could accommodate the three of us then it would probably be a lot more enjoyable.

MurderOfGoths · 19/01/2013 23:18

"as i say i have friends who try and convince themselves that they love having velcro dcs.but i have been.there when they have also admitted they would sell their soul for a decents nights sleep"

Just so long as you are aware that just because you know some people who do lie, that doesn't mean everyone does.

I'll admit there are nights where DS barely sleeps, but he's teething, even if we weren't co sleeping he'd still be waking. Difference is I'd have to get out of bed and go to him, which would no doubt involve lifting him out of the cot for a cuddle and then having to walk him around until he calms down. Whereas at the moment I can just roll over, give him a cuddle and soothe him to sleep. SO much easier and less stressful.

5madthings · 19/01/2013 23:19

We always had a routine as well, but one where they went to bed in our bed. Dd goes to bed at 7:30pm and will sleep till about 7:30am, some nights she wakes for a cuddle etc, generally she will stir in our sleep, the realize we are there and she doesn't wake properly, she often just reaches out to touch/pat me and that soothes her or I put my hand on her back etc. Its not a hardship, its lovely, they are only little once. My other children are 13, 10, 8 and 4 and don't need me in the night unless they are I'll etc so I don't begrudge them needing me when they are little.

Its not shocking to have a toddler that co-sleeps, its actually normal in most cultures around the world.

Debs75 · 19/01/2013 23:20

I did the routines with dd1 an ds and it did work but with dd2 and dd3 and ds being a non sleeping ASD I had to do the best by him which was minimal noise and as much sleep as poss for me. Cue breastfeeding and co-sleeping. The nights I tried to put them in cots or moses baskets he went mental fromthe crying and we had no sleep from placating 2 children.
I think you do what works for you and if others think you are lazy then let them

breatheslowly · 19/01/2013 23:20

Cosleeping doesn't have to last forever. DD coslept until 6mo and then moved into her own room and sleeps well. We moved her when she started turning round and kicking me. We just detached her sidecar cot, put the side on and moved her into her own room a couple of weeks later. I might look like shit, but that has nothing to do with cosleeping until 6 months.

5madthings · 19/01/2013 23:20

I get a decent nights sleep whilst co-sleeping!

Ashoething · 19/01/2013 23:21

Do your dh's like it or dont they get a say? Im not saying that some people dont find it comforting.but i think a lot of peoplw do it because it easier than doing a lot of routines that require effort on the part of the parent.again only.imo.so please dont take it personally.night.

Pleasesleep · 19/01/2013 23:21

Oh rubbish ashoething. That is entirely luck. Dd was happy to follow a routine. Ds thinks sleep is for wimps. It's nothing to do with the lack of(?) hard work I've put in and I don't appreciate your inference that I have somehow caused this. You might have encouraged them to sleep well but if they weren't going to sleep in the first place it wouldn't have worked.

choceyes · 19/01/2013 23:22

I co-sleep because it feels like the right thing to do. I love cuddling a small warm body at night and kissing their gorgeous cheeks and stroking their fat little thighs....there is nothing better. For me personally its ranks as one of the best things about being a parent.
I feel that they are much safer next to me than on their own.
I have woken up in the middle of the night a few times when a dc next to me has come down with a high temp. I immediately stripped them down to cool them or gave them calpol if they were stirring. Once I woke up a few secs before dd vomitted all over herself. Its as if my body just knew she was going to do that. What if she had choked if I hadnt turned her over as she vomitted?

I have read all the research and we have no risk factors so im happy to co-sleep.

But I like them to stay in their own bed all night from about 2.5yrs bar the occasional nights of illness or nightmares etc.

GiraffesEatPineapples · 19/01/2013 23:22

Ashoething I think your friends are being honest to their feelings in both situations - on nights when baby has slept well they prob love cosleeping but obv a few rough nights can make it less appealing. I think if you havent tried it and your friends babies on the whole don't sleep aswell as yours it would seem logical that they have followed the wronh path, its just not that straightforward.

misdee · 19/01/2013 23:22

i have co slept with all 6 of my children.

some naturally moved from the bed to their own rooms, dd4 is taking a bit longer, happily falls asleep in her bed but comes in some night.

ds rarely gets in our bed, and i normally move him back asap as he is so wiggly. i often end up getting kicked or punched in the face if he is in our bed.

dd5 (9months) loves being cuddled to sleep but then sleeps all night in her cot. unless teething.

MurderOfGoths · 19/01/2013 23:23

"generally she will stir in our sleep, the realize we are there and she doesn't wake properly, she often just reaches out to touch/pat me and that soothes her or I put my hand on her back etc"

Actually that's a point. We have tried putting DS down in his cot for the night (not, I hasten to add, because I wanted to, but because others told us we should, and being first time parents we listened). What happens then is he stirs, reaches out for comfort, and when he can't feel us, he screams. Maybe given time he'd learn not to need our comfort, but seeing as I like the cuddles and it benefits all of us, it seems a bit daft to do it just because it's what other people would do.

misdee · 19/01/2013 23:24

dh doesnt mind. if baby is sleeping then we all get sleep.

and tbh most routines arent all that anyway

MurderOfGoths · 19/01/2013 23:24

"Do your dh's like it or dont they get a say?"

He does like it.

5madthings · 19/01/2013 23:25

I already said on p5 that dp like sit as well and we still have a routine just one that includes going to bed in our bed.

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