To ask why people co sleep?

[Cathycomehome]

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

[AlphaBeta2012]

Ds1 co-slept with me and in his cot, though I often worried about the advertised risks. Pregnant with dc2 and I've brought a co-sleeper crib which I feel will be best of both worlds for me!

[AlphaBeta2012]

Ds1 co-slept with me and in his cot, though I often worried about the advertised risks. Pregnant with dc2 and I've brought a co-sleeper crib which I feel will be best of both worlds for me!

[babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood]

Comfort, ease of breastfeeding, because if you're not a feckless moron it is perfectly safer & natural.

In Japan it's just what they do. SIDS is almost zero. Bf mums who co sleep are more tuned in to baby's needs/breathing. Better than letting small baby whimper in cot.

Oh & because we don't always follow other advice to the letter. I also refuse to feed my baby non food mush. Guess what, he can chew.

[thesnowmanrocks]

Because I'm bf, and after a few weeks of trying to stay awake during feeds and look after my ds4 without severe sleep deprivation. I get much more now and don't feel any more tired than normal. Also dd sleeps sooo much better!

[SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit]

I am being honest when I say we adore co sleeping. My DH was saying the other day how sad he is when he thinks how eventually she'll want her own bed :) she is 14m, breastfed and usually sleeps between us.
At first I thought DH would think I was weird if I wanted to co sleep, so despite my own provenance as a happy cosleeping baby I didn't suggest it. He did. And it has worked well ever since.
Yes, there are times when I think "dammit, you're both in my space " but there were times when I thought that about DH pre DC!

I think it depends on you and your DH. What kind of people are you? We're very clingy, like to be cuddled up in the middle of the bed all night. We have had one night apart since we were married eight years ago and it was a rubbish one. We would be very unhappy at having to sleep separately. And the thought of putting DD down in a room on her own and saying "you're tiny and helpless and have no idea of what's out there but you stay here by yourself while we go and cuddle up next door" seems strange and cruel to us. But as it happened DD wouldn't be put down as a baby, ever. Ever! She wouldn't sleep if we were lying down. Eventually we managed to get her to sleep in my arms lying down, but there was no question of separation. But this is surely because her character is similar to ours. I know plenty of people who long to sleep separately from their spouses. As babies they may well have preferred their own space. But cosleeping is a cosy dream for us.

I am so sorry for those of you who have lost children. I can't imagine the grief. I can imagine that it would make you look differently at cosleeping and many things.

[Locketjuice]

Because it means I can sleep! Love it when he sleeps through in his cot...WHEN that is....

[catgirl1976]

I was too scared to co-sleep for ages

My DM kept saying she had never done it

And then one day she said (when I was weeping with exhaustion and saying how much my back hurt from sitting on the edge of my bed breastfeeding all night)

"I had a double bed in your nursery. At night I would get in it and bf you lying down. Most night I fell asleep in it and you just helped your self"



Me: "Ummm....you said you didn't co-sleep mum and it was terrible and dangerous"

DM: "Well I didn't darling. I just breast fed you lying down in bed and fell asleep"



After that we co-slept and it saved my sanity

We stopped about 9 months when I stopped breastfeeding and he moved to his own room. It was great and I still miss his snuggly warm little body

[MummytoMog]

Because it's perfectly safe if you follow the guidelines and everyone is much happier :) we used a Respisense too and a sidecar crib which was the dogs bollocks.

[Piemother]

You could just as reasonably start a thread with the same title except replace co sleep with 'use a cot' since the risks are similar.

[StateofConfusion]

It just happened in hospital, emcs and establishing bfing my mw sat my bed up slightly and gave me a huge v pillow so I could hold her without the risk of sleepy arms sagging, as I can't lay on my side. By her last night in hospital she was only waking twice a night and at 4wks now just once. I wake up as soon as she snuffles or wriggles and as a result I feel far better, she doesn't get upset and I cope with being awake for that feed far easier.
Some nights she spends half in the night in the pram or crib, she has naps in them too, or she doses in the close carier, she's only small once so I'm happy when she is.
Plus I have a 4 and 5yo who I don't want disturbed when they have school

[EmpressMaud]

I had Moses basket next to the bed then cot in my bedroom, breastfed (until 2.5 years) but dd more often slept in the bed (I'm not going to call it 'co-sleeping'). It was simply because she seemed to sleep much more easily
I may have created rod for own back, however, as at three years she still very frequently sleeps in my bed despite having her own bedroom.

[sparklekitty]

Because my DD had a nasty 'injury' on her head from ventouse. Meant she could only sleep on her left side for 4 weeks and screamed if she was put down. Now she's older I enjoy it and it means I sleep better as I don't have to get out of bed a million times a night to feed her, she sleeps better coz she can doze and feed rather than being hoicked out of her moses/crib all night.

Plus we are the only mammals that remove our children from our side as soon as they're born. I didn't plan to co-sleep but now it makes sense. As a MW said to me 'you wouldn't separate a puppy from it's mum as soon as it's born so why do it with a baby'. Made me think.

I know the advice is best next to your bed rather than in it but the co-sleeping stats also take into account babies that have died in bed/on the sofa with parents not following safe co-sleeping advice.

[5dcsinneedofacleaner]

I co slept with dd4 and 5. With the first three I bottlefed them and they had cots in my bedroom until 8 months then their own rooms. With the last two though I decided to breastfeed and co sleeping just came naturally with it. I have found the breastfeeding/co sleeping babies a very different experience, theres was ALOT less crying, no pacing the room trying to get them to sleep (they just slept when they needed). dd5 is 11 months and co sleeps about half the time now she goes to bed in her cot when the other children do and then sometimes wakes up and comes into our bed sometimes she sleeps through.

[Arthurfowlersallotment]

Because otherwise I would have been sectioned.

[FanFuckingTastic]

It was summer, so we could easily sleep on top of the mattress with only light blankets, it allowed me to maintain close contact and skin to skin with her, which helped both of us with bonding.

She never had to cry to let me know she needed a feed or change, because I could react as her body began shifting in discomfort or need, she could latch with much assistance from quite early on so it meant I never had to fully wake for a feed, plus she could comfort suck if she needed to.

It definitely enabled breastfeeding which was good in the early days when it is so easy to be disheartened and quit.

I actually liked it, it felt like a special time when we were up together at night feeding, this is when I felt most motherly and since I had trouble with the first I believe that it enabled this bonding.

It just came naturally to us, she quit it herself at about six months, although we still shared occasionally after that if I had trouble settling her. And it was good for me at the time as I had mobility issues, so being in the same place as each other meant less pain for me.

[MichaelaS]

We cosleep because DS2 is a terrible sleeper otherwise. After getting up out of bed to feed and soothe him about 20 times in 2 hours just after a csection I "gave in". He had I diagnosed reflux and the only way he would sleep was to feed to sleep. Moving him once asleep led to acid reflux and lots of screaming in real pain. I got to the point where I was ready to hit him, to throw him against the wall or violently shake him because I was so tired, sore and frustrated. Putting him in our bed meant we both slept well, he could feed without waking me, and I did not kill him and get sent to prison.

I felt very guilty until I realised he was at significantly more risk oh harm in a crib than in a bed. I'm very sorry for those who have lost babies to SIDS. I would feel utterly responsible if my son had died. But I really was about to harm him otherwise.

Once we did it I read the research and noticed its not really that dangerous if done intentionally. I happily put him in the car, knowing he might die in a crash. But I use a carseat and drive sensibly. For me, cosleeping was one of many weighted risks we took. The alternative for me was unworkable and dangerous.

[MichaelaS]

Ps and once I decided to do it I really enjoyed all the snuggles, better sleep and easier feeding. Ruined my back though always sleeping the same way round.

[Debs75]

Someone up thread said about 'parents making more of an effort' to get the LO to sleep in a cot. Well everything about children is an effort so why not do one thing which is easy. Does it make me lazy to choose an easy, safe and more natural option for sleep?

DP tends to sleep dowstairs as he too snores like a train. His choice as we all get sleep that way

[Cherryjellow]

From day 1 Dd wouldnt sleep unless she was co sleeping or in our arms. We tried every trick in the book, but sleep deprivation can drive you crazy, and co sleeping was the only way she would sleep. At 8 months she finally went into her cot, but still occationally regresses. It was nice to be snuggled up to her but I sleep better with just me and Dh

[elizaregina]

i am sure its been mentioned already - only skim read but for those that want too but too scared, side car cots.

Utterly fantastic - baby has own space but you are in effect co sleeping. Absoluty THE best thing I have spent money on in the past few years! And DEFINATLY the best thing I have ever brought baby/child related.

[aufaniae]

We co-slept when I discovered that bringing DS into bed with us meant an hour's extra sleep in the morning. Easy decision!

The evidence on co-sleeping is inconclusive. The study which is often quoted, and which IIRC the NHS base their "no co-sleeping" guidance on, includes people doing all sorts of things which are not considered safe co-sleeping. (So babies getting suffocated under duvets / on sofas etc).

AFAIK, there has been no study which compares safer co-sleeping (i.e. that which follows the guidelines) and non-co-sleeping.

Co-sleeping massively supports the breastfeeding relationship, and breastfeeding itself significantly helps protect children against SIDS among other diseases. I strongly suspect better research will find that co-sleeping does benefit babies when the guidelines are followed.

Incidentally, another guideline which is often ignored is that your baby should be in with you till 6 months. A lot of people put their babies in their own room much earlier than that, from a few weeks if not even straight away! But they should be in with you. It seems to me that people think that as long as you can hear your baby on a monitor it's fine, but the baby actually benefits from being in the same room with you as it helps them regulate their breathing. This one is evidence-based and not contentious (there is no possible benefit to your baby in being on their own, in their own room) but it's still ignored.

[sweetkitty]

Oh I sooooo miss cosleeping. I coslept with all four usually to about 15 months or so. All are great sleepers, in fact DD1 slept 12 hours a night at 8 weeks old so we coslept through choice with her.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Because I was desperate. When Ds was born I was very ill, gradually becoming disabled with no diagnosis & no one listening to me, 'oh first time mum, giving birth is hard, stop whining, fuck off you bastards.
DS had reflux and has never yet slept through a night, I tried everything & all that worked was being naked with me & continually breastfeeding. He woke 14+ times a night for the first 8 months, even with cosleeping.

H would 'help out' by falling asleep with Ds on a sofa, after his cigarette break. So I couldn't ever sleep, ever relax, ever took eyes off Ds for fear he would die. I got very paranoid about it, panicked that I wasn't following advice by cosleeping. Used to lie awake listening to him breathe, was so scared he'd stop if I stopped listening. It was hell. Cosleeping probably stopped me going completely mad. I think i had postnatal depression, but no one ever looked beyond the smile I put on cos I was just do damn glad to have Ds through the panic, & pain.

He's almost 3 & currently snoring on my shoulder in bed.

[Kalisi]

DH convinced me a few weeks ago to encourage 18m old DS to stay in his own room, Not because he doesn't enjoy co-sleeping mind but because he has fallen foul to the old 'Rod for your own back' 'You're spoiling him'bullshit from his co-workers.
The stubborn bugger is currently sleeping on the floor of DS's room, has been for a week. Can't see how that is much different personally but atleast he can hold his head up at work eh?

[Cat98]

Because its lovely.
Because life is too short, when you have a baby/toddler/child that wants to sleep next to his/her mum, to try and try to force them to sleep alone.
They are young and dependent for such a short time in the scheme of things.
Because when done safely, it is not dangerous. It's fine.
Because we all get more sleep. Result.
Because I immediately wake if there is a problem (like when 2yo ds began to choke on his own vomit).
Because - it's right for some people, and that's just fine.