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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why people co sleep?

245 replies

Cathycomehome · 19/01/2013 22:09

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

OP posts:
GiraffesEatPineapples · 19/01/2013 22:58

yes co sleeping is not always a bed of roses! You just have to do what feels right for you, agree with pookamoo and hope your lo starts sleeping well soon

ExitPursuedByABear · 19/01/2013 23:00

I loved sleeping with DD, and quite miss it now. Except last night she trundled in and got in on my side - I am of Tongan proportions, as is DH, and with Long Tall Sally next to me, I dreamt that I was in prison.

QuickQuickSloe · 19/01/2013 23:01

Sorry for your loss Cathy. I think that Seeker was saying that the co sleeping and fatality stats have been skewed by things like falling asleep on the sofa, not that SIDS doesn't exist or that you did anything wrong.

FWIW my DS slept in his own bed on his back until he was eight months old. He is now 18 months and I bring him in with me every night because it's either that or never sleep again. I am hoping at some point he will last the whole night in his own bed, but the morning cuddles are very very good for my soul.

Ashoething · 19/01/2013 23:01

Yep thats right.friends who like a lot of posters on here lie through their teeth about how great it is to be up all night with kids.i will take my 3 great sleepers in their own room.any day thanks.

Permanentlyexhausted · 19/01/2013 23:02

Ashoething So only people who agree with your point of view are honest??
Honestly ... that's just ridiculous.

TheFunPolice · 19/01/2013 23:03

We've had to out of necessity. DD was a brilliant 10pm-7am straight through no feeds etc sleeper until she hit 4 months. A horrible ear infection followed by a cold. She'd only sleep when we cuddled her. So putting her in bed with us made sense.
DH wasn't overly keen, now he loves it. DD's just getting over a horrible bug, and last week she koala beared his arm all night for four nights. He's hooked and tries to budge my arm out of the way so she'll cuddle him! Most of the time she's touching both of us.
I didn't set out to do it, I've just dismantled her cot and put it up in her room. However getting up every hour to a screaming, sad baby was worse than putting her next to me. Her cot was within touching distance when I was in bed. It's definitely a comfort thing with her.

My sleep is better and so is hers.

Porkster · 19/01/2013 23:04

I loved co-sleeping. Waking up next to a baby with that 'drunk on milk' look having slept through feeds.

I really missed it when I stopped. (And I think it saved my sanity, as I don't cope well without sleep)

Gingersnap88 · 19/01/2013 23:05

Because its actually a very natural / normal thing to do but our society thinks it isn't. As long as you're safe it's a wonderful experience. I love snuggling up to DD and it makes bf much easier!

Honestly, you cant explain to a baby why they need to sleep on their own in a different room when all they want is to be close to you!

facebookaddictno9 · 19/01/2013 23:05

I'm up all night but I can snooze and feed - my 3 year old is in and out of my bed half the night.

I still LOVE co-sleeping.

GiraffesEatPineapples · 19/01/2013 23:05

Ashoething how do you know they are lying, it all depends on the baby and how quietly they sleep. There are advantages and disavanatages it can be lovely and it can be a pain - even in the course of one night.

Ashoething · 19/01/2013 23:05

Not what im saying.i just dont buy all this oohh its sooooo great to bf my snuggly baby all night.its not cute when the baby is 3 and you look like shit

Debs75 · 19/01/2013 23:06

Have you looked at isisonline.org.uk There is some info on there about safe co-sleeping and i think a link to the research which SIDS used and how they missed the chance to tell people that co-sleeping in bed is safe and that their message accidently encouraged people to co-sleeping on chairs and sofas which is really dangerous.

Personally I have co-slept at some time with all 4 of mine and full time almost with dd2 and dd3. I find it easier to sleep with then there next to me and I know I was watching them in my sleep and moving covers, catching them before they fell out of bed.
I followed the guidelines and shifted my quilt and pillows, wore long sleeve tops to keep warm, and they were in gro-bags so thy didn't need to be under my quilt.

I suppose you could say I took a risk to have them in my bed and if they had of died of SIDS it would of been my fault. Unfortunately a lot of babies die of SIDS in cots as well. It must be a dreadful thing to go through. My friend lost her son to SIDS 14 years ago and it is still hard for her to come to terms with.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 19/01/2013 23:07

Ashoething I find your ridiculous 'at last a bit of honesty' comment really insulting. I have been in the same position as Cathy and lost a child and gave her my personal reasons for choosing to co-sleep with my other children and you somehow find that dishonest?

Thank you everyone for your sympathies :(

PeggyCarter · 19/01/2013 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Permanentlyexhausted · 19/01/2013 23:07

I disagree - it is STILL lovely even with a 6 year old. If I didn't love it I wouldn't still be doing it!

GiraffesEatPineapples · 19/01/2013 23:08

sorry prob shouldnt say this but you seem pretty angry about it Ashoething?

pookamoo · 19/01/2013 23:08

ashoething Everyone is different. You must have overlooked the poster above who said she usually wakes with her DS sitting on her head. Which is often the case in our house. Alternatively the "using the headboard as a handlebar and the bed as a trampoline" trick, now that DD2 can stand up.

I didn't think of co-sleeping with DD1. She was a shocking sleeper. She's now 4 and sleeps very well in her own bed (apart from on the odd occasion when she shows up in ours!)

DD2 has co-slept from day 1. Some days it's good, some days it's bad. She does seem to take up a lot of space for a little baby Hmm but in our house the plus side (some actual sleep) outweighs the minus side (me being in the middle of the bed squished up to DH all night!)

It isn't for everyone, and maybe it isn't for you, but the OP asked why some people choose to do it, and those people have given their reasons.

MurderOfGoths · 19/01/2013 23:08

"a lot of posters on here lie through their teeth about how great it is to be up all night with kids"

Except by co-sleeping some of us avoid being up all night. If I didn't co sleep I would definitely be up all night.

"i just dont buy all this oohh its sooooo great to bf my snuggly baby all night"

I don't bf. But it is lovely to cuddle my DS all night. Going to be gutted when he grows out of it!

NoelHeadbands · 19/01/2013 23:09

I was being totally honest.

I'd love to say I researched it all, and weighed up the pros and cons. I'd love to say I studied the statistics.

I didn't.

We did it because we wanted to, and because we weren't in the 'danger' group. And because it felt right.

Debs75 · 19/01/2013 23:10

Ashoething I really do enjoy co-sleeping with my dd's. Yes some nights they are little madams and I am kicked and elbowed but on the whole they are great, keep me warm and I love the closeness of it all. Plus they share my room so why not my bed. In any case ds, who sleeps in his own room keeps us up most nights. He is 14 though and way too big to get in our bed

5madthings · 19/01/2013 23:11

Mine elder four all sleep in their own beds in their own rooms now but until 3ish yes old they slept in bed with us and they slept and we slept, they didn't stay awake all night.

Like all babies we has bad nights with teething or developmental phases but co-sleeping made those easier to cope with. They never kept me up all night.

Its the most natural thing in the world and dp and I both like it, so did the children and they grew out if it when they were ready to. Dd is 25mths and is upstairs asleep in our bed at the moment, I will get lovely snuggles in the morning, I imagine in the next few months she will start sleeping in the toddler bed that is in our room and then when she is ready she will go into her own room.

maddening · 19/01/2013 23:11

Zola - I sleep in my dressing gown and duvet further down. Ds is in a sleeping bag.

I share a kingsize bed with ds and have a pilliow on my side - df sleeps elsewhere so I have room.

Ashoething · 19/01/2013 23:11

No im not lucky.i put the hard work in by sticking to routines to encourage my dcs to sleep well. Having a tiny or poorly baby in bed-perfectly fine and lovely.having.a toddler or older child in.your bed every night? Nope.sorry not for me.

pookamoo · 19/01/2013 23:12

Ashoething Just because you BF your baby for an extended period of time doesn't make you "look like shit"

If you are BFing any age child in the night, the easiest way to get more sleep is to do it lying down in bed, so that comment holds no water at all. Hmm

Permanentlyexhausted · 19/01/2013 23:12

Just re-read my previous post in conjunction with my username and can see it might be misinterpreted.

I am often exhausted because I tend to burn the candle at both ends. When I am in bed I sleep like a baby, next to my baby.