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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why people co sleep?

245 replies

Cathycomehome · 19/01/2013 22:09

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 19/01/2013 22:28

For replies, I meant, stupid iPad!

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 19/01/2013 22:29

I don't follow guidelines rigidly because they're guidelines, I prefer to read (way too much probably) and look at all the information I can find before making a decision.

I did breastfeed because it seemed easier, less likely to make a mistake with quantities or not washing bottles correctly, forget to buy milk or take with me when going out etc. I did give DS food before 6 months though, but mainly because he clambered up to my plate and took it. I co slept because it made sense to me with breastfeeding and also because it's a lot safer to plan to co sleep and make the bed a safe environment for your baby rather than being exhausted and falling asleep on a sofa or in a chair etc which I think would have been likely for me - I fell asleep all over the place when pregnant Blush

The research suggests that co sleeping is no more dangerous than cot sleeping when done correctly, parents are non smokers, etc. I used a sidecar cot which is one of the safest arrangements for co sleeping you can have, although he didn't spend every night within the boundaries of the cot.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

PeggyCarter · 19/01/2013 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 19/01/2013 22:31

YY I didn't change nappies at night except in the very early days which I did kneeling over DS in the bed with the covers round my shoulders (poor cold XP Grin) and all feeds were breastfeeding lying down so I was able to doze anyway.

VisualiseAHorse · 19/01/2013 22:31

Sorry for your loss Cathy.

DowntonTrout · 19/01/2013 22:31

I knew there would be some smug answers on here saying how it's perfectly easy to get a baby to sleep in a cot etc etc. well bully for you. My DS was like that. It was easy.

Then I had 5 years of sleeping on the floor of my DD1s bedroom. We tried everything, but she had serious health problems during the early years and our family life was devastated by lack of sleep.

When DD2 came along it was like a light going on. She slept well in my bed with me. Hours and hours of lovely sleep. Not only that but a wonderful closeness and a really contented child.

When you are really sleep deprived, you cannot function. Don't just dismiss people with silly accusations of not trying hard enough or making out it is something they are doing wrong, I cannot bear people with that attitude and it is clear they have no idea of how soul destroying it can be.

Fwiw DD 2 , who is now 11, still co sleeps sometimes, and it is lovely.

Loquace · 19/01/2013 22:31

I have a personal in cot death

Ahh love, I am so, so sorry.

CointreauVersial · 19/01/2013 22:32

I've no idea why. I can't sleep if anyone is even touching me. It would drive me bonkers.

Morloth · 19/01/2013 22:32

I can't think of anywhere safer for my children to have slept then in the crook of my arm.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 19/01/2013 22:34

I just have been looking at the advice again since recent small is deciding to be wakeful, but most advice seems no?

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 19/01/2013 22:35

There is really conflicting information on co-sleeping and SIDS risks. I have seen lots of statistics that are about infant death when co-sleeping, this shouldn't be confused with the SIDS statistics. SIDS can't be explained, there is no reason, a large percentage of infant death isn't attributed to SIDS but where the child has suffocated.

I also lost my son to SIDS, but have co slept with my other children. I did it for many reasons, mainly because I had a breathing monitor for them all, I didn't want to leave them alone in their cots at night, I woke up every 5 minutes to check on them anyway, and pretty much because I followed every single tiny bit of advice when I had my son and he died anyway :(

So sorry to hear of your loss Cathy :(

Willdoitinaminute · 19/01/2013 22:35

I was one of the lucky ones. DS was content in his crib by the bed but I put my back out when he was 7mnths and by that time in his cot in our room. I could lift him out but could not put him back down after feeding. So we began co sleeping with him.
He eventually made it into his own room at about 4yrs although was still sneeking back in the early hours but we often wouldn't wake.
We have 6 ft bed so he had plenty of room. And despite the rest of the family telling me that he would never be a good lone sleeper and would struggle to settle himself he happily goes to bed on his own and is asleep within minutes of turning out his light.

UniS · 19/01/2013 22:36

Because every time I put DS in his Moses basket he would stretch his arms out, hit the sides and wake up yelling. He couldn't touch the sides on a king size bed. After a few weeks we gave in and bought a cot and squeezed it in to our room 9 but couldn't open the wardrobe doors fully or turn the radiator on.

Happypiglet · 19/01/2013 22:37

I used reusable nappies and not changing nappies all night wasn't really an option! But they are prob much better now!
All mine were in a Moses basket by the bed. I tried co sleeping once but it didn't work for me as I got less sleep.... But then I am one of those nasty mums who put them all in their own rooms after six months 3 days in DDs case
They have never slept in my bed, ever...each to their own I guess!

pookamoo · 19/01/2013 22:37

missymoo makes a very good point there. SIDS and suffocation are not quite the same thing.

Missy, so sorry also to hear of your sad loss.

ExitPursuedByABear · 19/01/2013 22:38

Not read all the thread as it is late and I am on my way to bed. I much preferred DD next to me, she could breastfeed at will, and I managed to doze for a few minutes. I have never had a decent nights sleep since DD was born, and she is 13 now.

I can never, ever understand people who want to put a new born baby in a cot in a room on its own.

Tis not natural.

LineRunner · 19/01/2013 22:38

I did it because, like others have said, it's lovely and if you are bf especially I think it helps you all sleep better, for the first few weeks/months/year/whatever.

I looked at the guidance and we had no risk factors. So I did what most of the non-paranoid world do.

PeggyCarter · 19/01/2013 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GiraffesEatPineapples · 19/01/2013 22:39

I think in your situation it is totally understandable to want to go along with the advice and probably what I would feel comfortable doing :(

If you are struggling with sleep though the no cry sleep solution has a brilliant section on how to co sleep safely with your baby - really informative I think. I and many other people have accidentally fallen asleep in a chair bf our babies with them on a nursing pillow which is surely more of a risk than bf in a safe co sleeping setup.

Happypiglet · 19/01/2013 22:40

Btw sorry for your loss Sad

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 19/01/2013 22:40

Generally because they are too tired to try something else
Because they want to have their baby with them all night
Because they don't want to have to get up in the night to attend to them (because they are right there)
Because they are doing AP

GiraffesEatPineapples · 19/01/2013 22:41

missymoo :( x

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 19/01/2013 22:42

I researched and made my own decision, as I do with all guidelines. With my first dc the midwives at hospital tucked dd into bed with me. Upon discharge they also said 'I'm required to advise against cosleeping, but if you want any sleep you will do it at some point, everybody does'! I did try a cot first but we both hated it. It felt much safer having her in with me, so I could see and hear and feel her breathing and make sure she was ok. Dc2 hasn't been in a cot yet and is 6 months. We are both very happy cosleeping, get more sleep, more cuddles, it's more convenient, safer and nicer imo.

LineRunner · 19/01/2013 22:42

And what pookamoo said. ^^

Very, very sorry, beyond words, really, for the mothers on here who have lost their babies to SIDS.

breatheslowly · 19/01/2013 22:42

I am really sorry for your loss.

We planned to cosleep as I felt it was safer to plan carefully to safely cosleep than to fall asleep with DD on the sofa in the middle of the night. We had a sidecar cot, but it took a while to stop her sleeping on my tummy and in the cot. I tend to read as much of the actual research (or at least abstracts from the papers) as possible and make up my mind from there on parenting issues rather than just reading the leaflets provided by the MW/HV. I probably don't look like I have followed all the advice to the letter, but the decisions I have made are informed and researched.