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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:
missalien · 19/01/2013 19:27

Wow.

Personally, I think yanbu

But I don't like most of my family! But I would have thought it would be fun!

Oh well.

wewereherefirst · 19/01/2013 19:30

Waffles It's not a wedding day, its a party...

ImperialBlether · 19/01/2013 19:32

It's a party to celebrate her marriage. Presumably the OP couldn't afford to do that at the time. Quite a few people do it later; there's no reason for people to be horrible about it.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 19/01/2013 19:38

Yep Kindle Fire AND fat hands LineRunner Grin

CaroleService · 19/01/2013 19:40

My brother married on the birthday of a child in the family. Child died a year later. Wedding anniversaries are agony.

TidyDancer · 19/01/2013 19:41

I've already said it, but I'll say it again. This is ultimately not about a party vs a birthday, it is about one sister's consideration for another. Or in the OP's case, lack thereof.

The OP is unwilling to move or cancel any of her summer of events, but fully expects her sister to not care that her birthday is pushed aside. That is incredibly narcissistic.

The OP may be suffering from belated bridezilla syndrome.

MrsLouisTheroux · 19/01/2013 19:42

Gin and agree Tidy

Binkybix · 19/01/2013 19:42

I don't know. I would quite like going to something like this on my birthday (save me having to sort anything out), but you also come across as a bit snooty about the whole thing. So I'm on the fence! Hopefully can be sorted out amicably though.

MrsLouisTheroux · 19/01/2013 19:42

that should be Grin as in [ grin ]!

Binkybix · 19/01/2013 19:45

Yes. Tidy has put her finger on what I meant by 'a bit snooty' about it.

StillSmilingAfterAllTheseYears · 19/01/2013 19:49

I'm guessing massive backstory full of festering sibling rivalry?

ScampiFriesRuleOK · 19/01/2013 19:50

What Moomin and Celtic said.

Revolting seeing adults making a prima donna style fuss about their non-milestone birthdays.

She'll have another 50-odd years of birthdays. You'll only ever have one wedding. YANBU but she definitely is BU.

StillSmilingAfterAllTheseYears · 19/01/2013 19:52

And 'age gap' as a reason for not being close is a total cover story. Plenty of people are close with big age gap, plenty of sibs only a couple of years apart hate each other.

Xales · 19/01/2013 19:52

I am not sure what your sister has done wrong.

You said we are having a wedding party this day she said I am not attending as it is my birthday.

Where is the drama?

Go ahead, have your party, accept that she in her mid 20s will be off out partying with her mates not going to your wedding party?

No problems?

Why do you have to come and ask if you are being unreasonable? Neither of you are unless you are making it an issue.

BartletForTeamGB · 19/01/2013 19:54

"My sister got married on my birthday. She asked me before if I minded. Of course I didn't mind. Because I'm not 5 years old."

Completely agree with this. It wouldn't bother me at all.

josie81 · 19/01/2013 19:57

You should have mentioned it to her first, not as in asking her permission but as in acknowledging that the date you've picked will fall on her birthday, explaining why and saying you hope she understands and that it's v important to you that she's there (if it is of course!). I think her reaction is a tad childish and self indulgent but I suspect it's a reaction to not being consulted first rather than to you holding the wedding on her birthday. I personally wouldn't miss my sisters wedding for the world, and certainly not for my birthday, but on the other hand I know she would definitely mention it to me first before sending out the invites, out of courtesy and kindness really.
So you are both being a bit unreasonable. I think you need to be the bigger person here and try to resolve it or you will both regret having dug your heels in over such a silly thing (assuming there isn't some deep seated bigger issue at hand here).

slhilly · 19/01/2013 19:57

I must say, I'm suspicious about why the OP has posted. She says "nothing wrong in hearing other people's opinions", but has not shown any openness to changing her mind or doing anything differently in the light of what anyone has said. It's classic passive-aggressive behaviour: post, and dismiss what you hear. And this final post is the same:

"Thanks for your opinions folks."
A disingenous thanks

"As you can probably tell, I disagree with most of you.

But I'm ok with that.

Off to play amateur psychologist on someone else's thread now."
Signing off with a dig at posters who have speculated as to her motives

This kind of posting is not very nice behaviour, in my view. And I am with the other posters who see a direct read-across from this behaviour and the topic on which she originally posted. It has the exact same feel of being passive-aggressive and self-righteous.

Floggingmolly · 19/01/2013 19:58

You're being ridiculous. It's not a wedding, it's a party held months after the wedding, so you've the whole year to choose from. Can you really not see your sister viewpoint?

TidyDancer · 19/01/2013 19:58

This is not a wedding. It's a party the OP decided to have because she got married.

Did you realise this, Scampi?

mynewpassion · 19/01/2013 20:00

I think, tidydancer, has it right. the lack of thought from the op is astounding. a simple courtesy would have gone a long way.

FeltOverlooked · 19/01/2013 20:04

I am not remotely precious about my birthday. It is rescheduled for all sorts of reasons as my DH often has to travel around that time, it is in the midst of the festive season, etc.

I don't think having a wedding party on a birthday is a particular problem either, even for children. My sister got married (actual marriage) on my brother's birthday.

It should always be discussed though. The big problem here is that the first she heard was the save-the-date card. That is beyond rude.

lurkedtoolong · 19/01/2013 20:05

You had the opportunity to have a party when you got married op - why did you decide to wait until your sister's birthday?

thesnootyfox · 19/01/2013 20:11

I have a large family and trying to pick a date that doesn't fall on someone's birthday would be a difficult task. We got married on my nieces birthday, we bought a birthday cake for her and sang Happy Birthday at the evening reception. Some years later ds1 chose the anniversary of our wedding to make an appearance so going out in the evening of our anniversary is a thing of the past!

FeltOverlooked · 19/01/2013 20:13

thesnootyfox did you speak to you dear niece or her parents before sending save-the-date cards though? That is the key, I think.

YellowDinosaur · 19/01/2013 20:29

I'm pretty bemused at this thread.

Earlier on this week there was a thread complaining about a christening that was due to happen on the op dh birthday. The op dh was roundly told that he was being a twat and that any adult who was precious about their birthday and thought it should trump a once in a lifetime event was also a twat.

Along comes this thread where the op is having a once in a lifetime event and nearly everyone has told her she should have considered her sister and should have chosen a different date.

So what the actual fuck is the difference then? And why the complete about turn in the consensus of opinion?

For what it's worth I wouldn't care less about going to a wedding reception on my birthday but would be a bit annoyed if my sister didn't acknowledge that they had chosen my birthday when they told me the date. So the op has been unreasonable in how they've gone about it but not for choosing this date imho

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