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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

345 replies

Sexolette · 19/01/2013 17:04

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

OP posts:
ProtegeMoi · 19/01/2013 19:03

Your sister came to your wedding, she is likely to want to attend this party. So she has the choice of coming to your party and not celebrating her birthday or not going and feeling bad about it. You have put her in a really awkward position and it's very selfish of you. If I received the invite I would decline as to not be involved in what is clearly sibling rivalry.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/01/2013 19:04

Hellesbelles2
But this isn't a wedding its just a party. and its away from the sister's friends

bamboostalks · 19/01/2013 19:06

How odd! Cannot understand anyone caring that much about their birthday. Is she jealous of you?

ChestyNut · 19/01/2013 19:06

Yabu if I was your DS I'd be quite pissed off too.

You're obviously set on having the date you want regardless of her feelings tho.

crashdoll · 19/01/2013 19:07

YABU and should have at least asked her first! She's also being a bit U but it doesn't negate that you should have bothered to ask her.

Agree with TinyDancer -waste of time asking if you're only going to thank the minority who agree with you and refuse to even consider the other side.

Astley · 19/01/2013 19:07

I'd think my sister was having a severe PA moment if she did this to me and assume there was actually something much bigger wrong in our relationship. I would never, ever do it to her.

DanceYourselfDizzyBaby · 19/01/2013 19:07

My sister got married on my birthday. She asked me before if I minded. Of course I didn't mind. Because I'm not 5 years old.

It was a brilliant day and her Elvis impersonator sang happy birthday to me. You don't get that kind of special every day Grin

Hellesbelles2 · 19/01/2013 19:09

Guess it's true about it being a party rather than a wedding but would still prioritise that over my birthday (but then again I've never made a big fuss over my birthday however appreciate some people do.)

PureQuintessence · 19/01/2013 19:09

"Like I said I can only choose from two weekends a month and we have other stuff booked in."

5-6 months in advance you have stuff booked in that is more important than your wedding reception ?

Confused

And you are surprised that your sister finds her birthday more important than your wedding reception?

All these things are clearly more important than both your sister birthday and your own wedding reception, so you should not really be miffed that your sister is not prioritizing your wedding party either.

Pinot · 19/01/2013 19:10

dance, that's lovely.

I think OPs sister would probably love that level of thoughtfulness.

Pinot · 19/01/2013 19:11

Oh Quint thats astute

McNewPants2013 · 19/01/2013 19:12

Yabu, surely you have Annual leave ( al) at work and there is alot of summer month to do the party but you picked the date of your sister birthday.

I think it ridiculous to hold the party so long after you got married, why didn't you have a family wedding in the day then do evening invites.

MrsLouisTheroux · 19/01/2013 19:12

can picture OP swanning around regally...

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 19/01/2013 19:15

I really dont get these people who say "what is she 5? Why do peple make a fuss of birthdays?" Eh, because its your birthday? Its the one special day that belong to you. Do you all stop celelbrating your childrens birthday once the hit a certain age?

OP I think YABU but sure you dont care what we think. You just wanted to feel justified in what you did because you dont like the fact your sister called you on it. FWIW I thin Pinot is right, there is an underlying issue here, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. It sounds like you dont like her. I have 3 sisters with varius age gaps, some I am close to, some I am not. There is a difference in being close to soemone and likeing someone and showing them a bit of respect. I also think that its bull crap that you have so much planned between now and then that you cannot fit your party in on another date.

MrsLouisTheroux · 19/01/2013 19:15

Dance I doubt very much your sister is like this OP. She doesn't give a damn that it's her sister's birthday!!

coldcupoftea · 19/01/2013 19:16

See, if it was my sister I wouldn't mind, but I would expect to know about it before the save the date cards went out. And to be asked if I minded.

I think you need to call her and grovel- she probably thinks you have actually forgotten it's her birthday on that date.

turnedexgay · 19/01/2013 19:16

I would never book a party I expected my family to attend on one of my siblings birthdays, our family visits each other for birthday or at least our parents do and I would never put them in a position of having to chose to come to my party or to see someone on their birthday but then I got married and had a reception and then moved on with life I didn't expect to get two goes at being the centre of attention.

YABU but you're happy with it so the rest of your family can just put up with it I guess.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 19/01/2013 19:16

Also please excuse my spelling, apparnetly my fingers are too fat to type on this thing..

LDaisy · 19/01/2013 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ImperialBlether · 19/01/2013 19:17

I can't believe the responses on this thread. If the OP's sister had come on here whining that a wedding party was going to clash with her birthday, she would have been told very firmly to get a grip. If she continued to moan, she would have been called a cunt.

TalkativeJim · 19/01/2013 19:18

And was your text to her as snippy and unpleasant as every single one of your posts on here? Grin

You don't sound very nice, so I'm quite sure you're perfectly satisfied with the outcome you have here.

Have fun on those other threads now.

:)

CelticPromise · 19/01/2013 19:19

YANBU, and I'm surprised so many people think you are. Imho it is a bit odd to make a big deal out of non significant birthdays as an adult! I wouldn't give a toss if my sister chose to have a party on my birthday. For whatever reason.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/01/2013 19:20

But its not a wedding party/recption/breakfast or a renewal of vows, its just a party that the OP wants to throw because IMO she wants to flaunt the fact that she is married.

LineRunner · 19/01/2013 19:22

Marceline Kindle Fire?

WafflesandWhippedCream · 19/01/2013 19:26

Sometimes I feel like I am living in a parallel universe on threads like this.
Obviously other people think (adult) birthdays are a big deal.

I'd actually be quite chuffed (if I thought about it at all) if my sister decided to get married on my birthday. And I wouldn't dream of expecting her to ask my permission to do so - she can get married any day she likes, and as far as I'm concerned it would just make the day more special if it was a family birthday as well.